November 17, 2024
1. The Daily Me – keepcalmandpanicon
2. TwitterX? I Barely Knew HerX!
3. Promise Made, People Swept [ARNS]
November 10, 2024
1. The Daily Me – Melania Anonymia
2. Once Elon Buys an Election, It Stays Bought!
3. Elon Needs To Learn That, If You Want To Succeed in Politics, You Need a Good Ad Vance Man
4. Everybody’s a Critic! [ARNS]
November 3, 2024
1. The Daily Me – The Man Who Put the Bomp in the Bomp Shu Bomp Shu Bomp
2. When Elon Musk Talks About Free Speech, He’s Not Talking ABOUT YOU
3. It’s Time for Closing Statements, Then The Republicans Are Gonna Party Like It’s 1939
4. How Tweet It Is!
5. Zen and the Art of Idiotocracy [ARNS]
October 27, 2024
1. The Daily Me – Beyonce Frankenstein
2. Elon Musk Should Never Have Given Up His Lucrative Career as a Club DJ
3. As Headlines Learned to Its Regret, With Great Power Comes No Oversight Responsibility
4. The RaptchaTM of GotchaTM [ARNS]
October 20, 2024
1. The Daily Me – Epoxy on Both Your Houses!
2. Samuel L. Jackson Turned Down the Offer to Read “Go the Headlines to Sleep!”
3. It’s Hip To Be the Public Square
4. Building Plastic Castles in the Sand [ARNS]
October 13, 2024
1. You’re On Report, Buster!
2. For the Sake of its Sanity, The Absurd Ironyometer Had To Get Off TwitterX
3. Oh, Elon, Musk You?
4. NED Talk [ARNS]
October 6, 2024
1. The Daily Me – Aesop Schvartzman
2. Headlines Don’t Trust the Joy…
3. Flooding the Zone With Deplorable
4. They’re Being Born Younger Every Year! [ARNS]
September 29, 2024
1. The Daily Me – Magrat “Came and” Wente
2. Headlines Will Never…You Know…at Yuk Yuks
3. If It Weren’t For Malicious Thoughts, TwitterX Would Have No Thoughts At All
4. Little Timmy is Well
Thank You For Asking [ARNS]
September 22, 2024
1. The Daily Me – andthenwediet.yu
2. Headlines: Where Absurdity Is Job Wonder!
3. Fakes: When You Can Sincere That, You’ve Got it Made! [ARNS]
September 15, 2024
1. The Daily Me – Innit Fort-Hemoney
2. Have You Herd? [ARNS]
3. The Cure/Disease Dichotomy [ARNS]
4. Hard Sell Should Lead to a Soft Cell [ARNS]
September 8, 2024
1. The Daily Me – Ignominia Dewlap
2. Headlines Punked Out At The Last Minute (And They’re Allergic to Safety Pins!)
3. The Meeting of a Thousand Years Begins With a Single Motion [ARNS]
September 1, 2024
1. The Daily Me – Mika Formica
2. Oh, The Places You’ll Go!
3. Where Did People Get Their Disinformation Before TwitterX?
4. Like Ink From a Poison Pen, So Are the Days of Our Lives [ARNS]
August 25, 2024
1. The Daily Me – Centrifugal Force is a Lie!
2. Will You Be My February 14 Headline?
3. When Wonders Consider Ceasing [ARNS]
August 18, 2024
1. The Daily Me – Allison Sekular
2. Headlines Wouldn’t Know a Huffledump If It Bit Them on the Unmentionables
3. How to Deal With the Opposition’s Vice Presidential Pick the Republican Way
4. Come, Seven or Eleven! Seven or Eleven! Momma Needs a New Social Media Network!
August 11, 2024
1. The Daily Me – Amaranta Pimento
2. Headlines Thought the Uptick In the Tick Population Was a Gaian Tic
3. When History is a Mystery [ARNS]
August 4, 2024
1. The Daily Me – Donovan New Age
2. The Digital Commons Gets More Common With Every Passing Day
3. This Is…And This Is…
4. Pulp NASFIC-tion
July 28, 2024
1. The Daily Me – Hunter “Of Souls” Thompson
2. TwitterX: For People Who Think Wearing Trump Branded Diapers is “Cool”
3. The Three Wise Men Ponder Initial Conditions
July 21, 2024
1. The Daily Me – #thehandthatrocksthedreidel
2. The Schmenge Brothers Played “The Headlines Song” On the Accordion
3. Stallion Shot Behind the Barn and Sold for Glue [ARNS]
July 14, 2024
1. The Daily Me – Elon Muscatel
2. Torching the Virtual Town Square
3. AIPAC of Scoundrels [ARNS]
July 7, 2024
1. The Daily Me – Hai Crimes and Miss Demeanor
2. Headlines Will Never Pretend Not to Hear Your Question and Walk Out of the Press Conference
3. “What Did You Do in the Genocide, Daddy?” [ARNS]
June 30, 2024
1. The Daily Me – Adela St. John the Baptist
2. Headlines Dealt With The Empathy Deficit By Watching More Judge Judy
3. The Trump Dump:
Exploring the Donald’s Mind So You Don’t Have To
June 23, 2024
1. The Daily Me – Bela Legolas
2. Headlines Would Regret Making Googly Eyes at the Trash Compactor
3. Carrying Water in a Sieve [ARNS]
June 16, 2024
1. The Daily Me – Broker This Nomination, Pal!
2. Headlines Wrote a Sternly Worded Letter To The Editor of The Star About Gaza, But It Wasn’t Published
3. They Shot a Movie Once… [ARNS]
June 9, 2024
1. The Daily Me – Nacho Libre (Goes Great With a Nice Cold One)
2. Headlines? Naah, Mate, I Haven’t Seen ‘Em In a Dog’s Age!
You Sure They’re Still Alive?
3. Deploy the Bubbe Brigade!
June 2, 2024
1. The Daily Me – Naked Power Tools
2. You Can Lead a Headlines To Water…
3. TwitterX Marks the Spot –
But We Won’t Know If It’s Benign Or Deadly Until We Do More Tests
May 26, 2024
1. The Daily Me – Soylent Green is – Urk!
2. The World Is Too Peopley For Headlines’ Taste
3. Musk Threw Everybody Into the Deep End of the Cesspool
4. We Are the Dead – And We Want Our Government Benefits! [ARNS]
May 19, 2024
1. The Daily Me – T. Suzanne Nami
2. Who Are Headlines to Question Your Love of Fire Hydrants?
3. May I Quote You? I – Ah – But -Whoa!
Honestly, There’s No Need For That Kind of Language!
4. Ask Amritsar if the Butt Headgear Fits[ARNS]
May 12, 2024
1. The Daily Me – Persephone “Baloney” Lippshitz
2. Headlines Were Not Impressed By Your New Beau
3. Elon Day’s Journey Into Night
4. State of Emergence E [ARNS]
May 5, 2024
1. The Daily Me – Wanda Lustig
2. Frequently Unasked Questions About Trump Junk
3. Headlines Were NOT Stoked About the Release of the Dune Sequel,
But Didn’t Want Their Friends To Know It
4. Aerodynamic Pricing Takes Off [ARNS]
April 28, 2024
1. The Daily Me – Blob.com
2. Quotes Vote to Shoot the Goat
3. Headlines Had the Last Laugh
/Then Spoiled the Effect By Laughing Again
4. Ask Amritsar About the Girl on Your BrAIn [ARNS]
April 21, 2024
1. The Daily Me – Astrid Babbleon
2. Cover the Soup Tureen So the Dumplings Won’t Escape!
3. Headlines Don’t Want To Question Your Judgment
They Get Too Much Pleasure Out Of Laughing At it To Want it To Improve
April 14, 2024
1. The Daily Me – The Don’t Look Back in Angora Sweater Shoppe
2. What the Heck Do You Know? About Words, Words, Words!
3. Headlines Would Be Pissed If They Were Shut Out Of The Oscars, Too
4. Zone of Pinterest [ARNS]
April 7, 2024
1. The Daily Me – eKaterina Nipp
2. Quotes Wonder What Bruce Cockburn Did To Deserve a Barenaked Ladies Cover
3. Dream Team for the Age of Nightmares [ARNS]
March 31, 2024
1. The Daily Me – Fabrizzio “The Driller in Maniller” Emshwiller
2. When The Delicate Social Contract Meets Social Media, All Heck Breaks Loose
3. Headlines Are Not Part of Dr. Who Canon
4. Never Forever Again [ARNS]
March 24, 2024
1. The Daily Me – Stromach “Sunny” von Vestibule
2. Elon, Elon, He’s Our Man!
If He Can’t Destroy It, No One Can!
3. The Daily Me – Bilbo Rostrand
4. Lives Unlived: Garamond Vespucci [ARNS]
March 17, 2024
1. The Daily Me – The Bleeder of the Plaque
2. Headlines Weren’t So Much Fortunate As Blissfully Unaware of the Danger
3. Chaos? It’s A Calling [ARNS]
March 10, 2024
1. The Daily Me – Integer Quadrophant
2. TwitterX Peck Trouble
3. The Day it Rained Viagra [ARNS]
March 3, 2024
1. The The Daily Me – Garamonde de la Vithix
2. Headlines’ Head Exploded From All of the Holiday Cheer
3. Ask Amritsar About Life in The Volleyball World [ARNS]
February 25, 2024
1. The The Daily Me – Adnan Adelaide
2. Headlines Flopped at the Box Office, But Were Given New Life on Cable
3. Tweetwalking to Armageddon
February 18, 2024
1. The The Daily Me – Brick Bradlight
2. Headlines Remembered To Turn the Stove Off Before They Left the House…Didn’t They?
3. The Agony and the Irony, They’re Killing Me…Possibly Literally [ARNS]
February 11, 2024
1. The Daily Me – Is That a Meta Reference?
2. To Quote Or Not To Quote – That Certainly is a Question
3. Cloudy With a Chance of Slush [ARNS]
February 4, 2024
1. The Daily Me – Orr Would U Rather B a Fish?
2. Think It’s Getting Too Peopley Out There?
AI Have a Cure For That [ARNS]
3. Be Still, TwitterX’s Dead Heart
4. McDruhitmumpf Derangement Syndrome – Catch It Before It Catches You! [ARNS]
January 28, 2024
1. The Daily Me – Ralph “Zip It” Tippet
2. A Headline By Any Other Name…Would Be A Different Headline, I Guess
3. Oh, What a Lovely Ethnic Cleansing!
January 21, 2024
1. The Daily Me – i know i am but what are you?
2. When I Want to Seem Like a Racist Loser, I Always Wear Musk…
3. Your Tax Dollars at Work…and Play
January 14, 2024
1. The Daily Me – Zebulon Vance
2. Headlines Pithy the Fool
3. Dictator for a Day
January 7, 2024
1. The Daily Me – Kerry Aoki
2. Headlines: The Sassed and the Spurious
3. One Year And $25 Billion Later, And What Has Elon Musk Learned?
No, Really, Does Anybody Know? Because I’d Love To Find Out!
4. Failure to Communicate [ARNS]
December 31, 2023
1. The Daily Me – Lev Lewandowski and the Insurrectionists
2. Quoth the Raven, “Squawk, Squawk, Squawk!”
3. Elon Musk? The Farce is Strong In This One…
4. Ask the Tech Answer Guy To Allay Your (Unfounded) Fears [ARNS]
December 24, 2023
1. The Daily Me – Monty Crisco Doesn’t Count!
2. To Every Headline, Churn, Churn, Churn…
3. The Daily Me – Salome Absalom
4. Don’t Worry! Non-sequiturs Got You Covered
December 17, 2023
1. The Daily Me – Diary of a Supertramp
2. Headlines Zoned Out For a Bit There
Otherwise, They Would Have Been Happy to Ignore Your Question
3. But Would You Let Elon Musk Provide Internet Service For Your Daughter?on
4. Headlines Headed for the Foothills
December 10, 2023
1. The Daily Me – Heather Reisman’s Friends on the Force
2. Who Needs Headlines at Bedtime?
3. X Marks the Spot…For Indigestion
4. You Call These Headlines? In My Day…
December 3, 2023
1. The Daily Me – The Turtle and The Dove
2. Your Post Has Left Me All Atwitter – Or, Is That All AnXer Now?
3. Personal Crossword Puzzle – Donald Trump
November 26, 2023
1. The Daily Me – Sarah Sulfate
2. Headlines Had a Bad Case of the Yips
3. Just Drive, the AI Said [ARNS]
November 19, 2023
1. The Daily Me – Engeron Floopjanian III/2
2. Quotes Would Never Admit to Farting in the Elevator, But Yeah, It Was Them…
3. Final Thoughts? [ARNS]
4. Derisive Dissension Determines Deplorable Debate
November 12, 2023
1. The Daily Me – Rondell A.
2. The Low Friends in High Places Pipeline
3. Ask a Ventrosian Squiggle About the Human Darkness [ARNS]
November 5, 2023
1. The Daily Me – Faye T. A. Complee
2. When Headlines Agreed to Burp the Baby, They Never Expected To Start a Revolution!
3. The Yiddish Sexbots Union [ARNS]
October 29, 2023
1. The Daily Me – Watchoo Talkin’ About, Fani Willis?
2. Crimson and Cover
3. Twitter Isn’t the First Draft of History
Let’s Hope It Isn’t the Last…
October 22, 2023
1. HeTwitterX Marks the Spot!
2. Ask Eliza About an Unnatural Drive [ARNS]
3. From Headlines to Bedhead?
October 15, 2023
1. The Daily Me – Tiny Tom Kvetchit Donuts
2. Elon Musk Doesn’t Like the Way You Cut Your Hair or Your Lawn
Expect a Blistering TwXeet From Him Any Moment, Now
3. What the Heck Do You Know? Could Do This All Day
October 8, 2023
1. The Daily Me – Harsh Mei Karmar
2. Ray Milland Starred In TwitterX – The Man With X-ray Eyes
3. App Could Be Profession Killer [ARNS]
October 1, 2023
1. The Daily Me – Coz Umell
2. Quotes Desperately Wanted To Get Off the Eternal Recurrence Treadmill
3. Bernier, Baby, Bernier!
September 24, 2023
1. The Daily Me – The Wobbly Pops Summit, Inc.
2. Headlines Were the Best Birthday Gift Anybody Has Ever Given Me!
3. Circling the Town Square…And Pouncing! [ARNS]
September 17, 2023
1. The Daily Me – Flapdoodle the Mystery Gorilla
2. Destroying the World One Tweet at a Time…is Really Hard Work!
3. Ask Eliza If Androids Hallucinate About Electric Sheep [ARNS]
September 10, 2023
1. The Daily Me – Bastodian de la Charizard
2. Quotes Have Seen This Movie Before, And They Aren’t Crazy About the Ending
3. Good Writers Don’t, But Hollywood [ARNS]
September 3, 2023
1. The Daily Me – Cruft Sconners
2. Headlines Want Candy…Don’t You?
3. AI Helps Your Bottom Line Better Than a Keto Diet [ARNS]
August 27, 2023
1. An Itch You Wouldn’t Want Your Fevered Cat To Scratch [ARNS]
2. You Wouldn’t Believe Headlines if They Told You!
3. Killer App Turns State’s Evidence [ARNS]
August 20, 2023
1. The Daily Me – Beelzebub Tweezer
2. Frequently Unasked Questions About the Deal, Sweetheart
3. You Won’t Believe Your Eyes!
Actually, You Will Believe Your Eyes, But You Shouldn’t! [ARNS]
August 13, 2023
1. The Daily Me – Jerry Lamartain and the Furrious Five
2. The Government Has No Place in the Genitals of the Nation [ARNS]
3. Sympathy for the Digital: An Interview With YakTNT [ARNS]
August 6, 2023
1. The Daily Me – Ilve Hard-Boyle
2. Headlines Just Threw Up a Little in Their Mouth
3. Kids These Days! [ARNS]
July 30, 2023
1. The Daily Me – Festrunk la Bouche
2. Twitter Litter
3. An Article I’d Rather Not Write
(And to Be Fair, You’re Probably Not Going to Want to Read)
4. Frequently Unasked Questions About the Right Going for Woke [ARNS]
July 23, 2023
1. The Proof is in the Mail
2. Headlines Were Ready to Meet Their Maker
(They Were Prepared For the Disappointment)
3. Hacking the Genitals – Is It as Icky As It Sounds? [ARNS]
July 16, 2023
1. The Daily Me – NordPostMediaStar Inc.
2. Frequently Unasked Questions About the Insurrection
And Get This: This Time, It’s Not American!
3. Did Elon Break Twitter, Or Just Allow It To Grow Into What It Had Always Been?
4. Great Art for a Song [ARNS]
July 9, 2023
1. The Daily Me – Cassiopeia Alpha
2. The Life of a Headline is Always Intense
3. AI Writing? Make Book on It! [ARNS]
July 2, 2023
1. Twittery Nittery
2. Quotes Worry About the Past – They Can Do More About It Than the Future
3. Twitter is Not for the Faint of Heart…Or Thin of Pocketbook
4. Ask Amritsar For Whom The Bell Labs Toil [ARNS]
June 25, 2023
1. The Daily Me – Karyny Blissh
2. Headlines Felt the Struggle Was Worth the Reward
They Kind of Had To In Order To Keep Going…
3. Ask the Tech Answer Guy To Truck Off [ARNS]
June 18, 2023
1. The Daily Me – Rhoda Dendron
2. Headlines Wanted To Comment About the Concept of “Woke AI,” But They Were Tired
So Very, Very Tired…
3. When Your Hard Drive Dies, The Story Has to be Recovered…
4. Did You Really Think the Legal Profession Could Not Sink Any Lower?
You Should Have Had More Faith in Lawyers! [ARNS]
June 11, 2023
1. AI Don’t Understand the World Any More: An Alternate Reality News Service Forum [ARNS]
2. What the Heck Do You Know? Played Stupid Games, But It’s Still Waiting For Smart Prizes
3. This Minute’s Musk Reads
4. Fakes So Deep, You’ll Buy An Electronic Egg Scrambler From Them [ARNS]
June 4, 2023
1. The Daily Me – Alistair Growley
2. I’m Not Going Near the Lone Musk a Tear
3. Don’t Litter On Twi – Oh, Sorry, Mister Musk. Carry On…
4. The Ultimate Killer App [ARNS]
May 28, 2023
1. The Daily Me – Eddie Adderoll and His Smooth Death Metalists
2. Headlines Couldn’t Tell a Root Cause From a Root Canal
3. Twitter Treat!
4. The Pacifist Pokemon [ARNS]
May 21, 2023
1. The Daily Me – Miss.Moinca Dim Deng
2. Oh, Say Can You CNN
By Twitter’s Dying Light?
3. Headlines Just Couldn’t
4. Twitter Will Be a Bastion of Free Speech Just As Soon As All Those Libs Are Gone
May 14, 2023
1. The Daily Me – Guy Davilla-Strangiato
2. Love Flies Out the Window When Headlines Walk Through the Door
3. What If They Created A Social Media Platform And Nobody Important Came?
4. Can You Spare a Couple of Bucks?
What the Heck Do You Know? Wasn’t Expecting to Have to Repay Its Covid Relief Cheque…
May 7, 2023
1. The Daily Me – Twisted Panties and Clutched Pearls Disposal, Inc.
2. The Headline Inquirer Wanted to Go National, But It Couldn’t Find an Angel Backer
3. Social Media Platform Under Attack From The Elonated Man!
4. Ask a Ventrosian Squiggle [ARNS]
April 30, 2023
1. The Daily Me – Haywood Djablowmi (Hee Hee Hee)
2. Twitter is Dying! Long Live Twitter!
How Does That Make Any Sense?
3. Reet Pe-tweet
4. Twitter is For People Who Can’t Handle Drugs
April 23, 2023
1. The Daily Me – Mr. Hyde Nor Hair
2. Twits Tweet But Don’t Fall Down
3. Charlie Nuggets is All Wet! [ARNS]
April 16, 2023
1. The Daily Me – Daniel Took a Train!
2. All Those Tweets Make You Long For a Silent Spring
3. Terminator (With Extreme Prejudice) [ARNS]
4. Frequently Unasked Questions About the Circus Returning to New York
April 9, 2023
1. The Daily Me – Exuent Rick
2. Headlines Found The Public Bathroom in Downtown Toronto Seconds Too Late…
Seconds Too Late…
Seconds…
3. Frequently Unasked Questions About The Surprise Everybody Knew Was Coming
April 2, 2023
1. The Daily Me – I’ll Dance to Anything
2. Headlines Are Nervous About Meeting Your Parents, But Kind Of Excited, Too…
3. A Womb With a View [ARNS]
March 26, 2023
1. The Daily Me – Eudora “Tasty” Bagelmann
2. Twitter, But Not Bitter
3. What the Heck Do You Know? Hurts So Good
Yet to be Bookized: When the Soft Sciences Become Positively Runny
1. Thou Shalt Not Bear False Reproach Against Thy Driver [ARNS]
2. The Ugly Earth Primean [ARNS]
3. Johnny Got Burnered [ARNS]
4. Endless Power at Your Fingertips [ARNS]
5. CUE the Basketbalypse [ARNS]
6. Trouble in a Box, Delivered Right to Your Door [ARNS]
7. Ask Amritsar About a Devil of a Situation [ARNS]
8. Are You Future Proof? [ARNS]
9. AAAAAACTING! For Amateurs [ARNS]
10. Putting The Fun Back Into Non-Fungible [ARNS]
11. Language E V Loves [ARNS]
12. You May Already Be a Loser! [ARNS]
13. New Uses For New Technologies [ARNS]
14. About F.A.C.E. [ARNS]
15. If You Go Into the Woods Today, You’re In For a Big Surpr – URK! [ARNS]
16. When Pants on Fire Stops Being a Metaphor [ARNS]
17. Fakes So Deep They’re Shallow Again [ARNS]
18. The Strange Politics of Rex and Fifi [ARNS]
19. On the Internet, Freedom of Speech is a Musk [ARNS]
20. This Should Be Illegal. Period! [ARNS]
21. Gaze Not Into the Navel Lest You Find the Navel Gazing Into You: An Alternate Reality News Service Forum [ARNS]
22. Cash May Be Crass
But What Do You Use When Credit Is Ass? [ARNS]
23. You Say There’s a Diaper Shortage? Aww, Poop! [ARNS]
24. Ask the Tech Answer Guy About Just Out of Time Production [ARNS]
25. Nursing: A Grudge [ARNS]
26. Hardened Schools, Hardened Hearts, Softened Heads [ARNS]
27. When the Lungs of the Planet Become Enflamed [ARNS]
28. Are You Gonna Believe Your Lyin’ PimentoEyes? [ARNS]
29. Ask Amritsar About The All You Can Eat Hate Buffet Giving the Body Politic Indigestion [ARNS]
30. Ask the Tech Answer Guy About Arriving DOA (Deleted on Arrival) [ARNS]
31. Originalism Sin [ARNS]
32. Loyalty is a One Way Dead End Street [ARNS]
33. Lost Software Finds a Home [ARNS]
34. Is There a Doxxer in the House? [ARNS]
35. Space Invaders – The Next Generation [ARNS]
36. Science Offers Children a New Way to Gross Out Adults [ARNS]
37. Ahead of the Curve and Behind the Mayhem [ARNS]
38. The Heat of Battle Meets the Cold of Space [ARNS]
39. Space, The Final Frontier…for Marketing! [ARNS]
40. The Ecstasy and the Agony [ARNS]
41. Former President Takes His Shot [ARNS]
42. The I Deal Candidate [ARNS]
43. The Big Lie (Seventh Iteration’s the Charm)
44. If It Ain’t Woke, Don’t Put The Fix In For It [ARNS]
45. The Profit in the Park [ARNS]