Candidate Is Beyond Thinking Outside The Box – He’s Thinking Outside Geometry Altogether!
In their pitches to replace Donald Trump as the Republican candidate for president in 2024, right-wing politicians have tried to paint themselves as “Trump without the baggage.” They don’t get it. Trump’s base loves the baggage! Can’t get enough of it! Trump’s baggage is more entertaining than Real Housewives of Kyiv, and has less impact on their lives! If they were serious about their bids, the candidates would find a way to be indicted for some terrible crimes, then post about how persecuted they are on their own social media platforms. What? They don’t have their own social media platforms? How are we supposed to take their candidacies seriously?
In the entire field of GOP hopefuls, only Vivek Ramaswamy gets it. He’s not going to jail any time soon (fair enough: neither is Trump), but he has otherwise done the most effective job of parroting Trump’s unhinged tirades.
Build a wall on the northern border? Less than one per cent of fentanyl in the US comes from Canada; by Ramaswamy’s math, over 300 million Americans should have died from taking the drug. For any other candidate, this would be considered an “own goal;” for Trump and his acolytes, it’s an “empty netter.”
Or his argument that the best way to combat abortion is for men to be sexually responsible – has he ever met men? He presents as a man, so he must be at least tangentially aware of how masculinity is constructed in this society. Does he think men can get pregnant? Because unless men have to face the question of whether to abort the fetus they are carrying inside their very own bodies, the issue really isn’t about their rights, is it?
“Tell us the truth so we can have an honest debate.” Oh, Vivek! If you weren’t so wrong for the country, you’d be adorable!
If It Weren’t For Bad Instincts, He’d Have No Instincts At All – Take That, Political Anthropologists!
Those who remain in the race for the Republican nomination have started to realize that voters who can have t-bone steaks aren’t going to settle for Alpo. You have to go after the front runner. The problem is: how do you attack somebody whose endorsement was so important to you not so long ago?
If you’re Florida man Ron DeSantis, the answer is: very badly.
Why should Trump get on a stage with a bunch of losers when, at the very same time, he can give his base two uninterrupted hours of his full-throated gloriousness? Why should he explain why he didn’t have Mexico pay for the border wall when, as all of his followers know, he did have Mexico pay for the border wall? Oh, and Ron, do you want to explain to the Republicans’ wealthy donors why racking up so much debt to pay for their tax cuts was wrong?
Honestly, if DeSantis were any worse at this, you would swear he just walked off the set of Saturday Night Live!
Frack? Wasn’t That A Curse On Firefly?
Nikki Haley got a lot of attention at the debate for calling Vivek Ramaswamy “scum.” She was probably right, although the way he drank murky pond water suggested that the epithet probably didn’t land the way she would have liked.
Haley got a lot of credit for trying to be the adult in the room during the debate. For instance, she pointed out that presidents couldn’t just wave a magic wand and have Congress do their bidding; they have to work with the other branch of government. Now, you and I may have learned this in grade school, but it was an important reminder for the other candidates on the stage.
Buuuuuut then she attacked Ron DeSantis for not being willing to destroy the environment fast enough. Her performance was reminiscent of a certain Alaska Senator’s mantra, “Drill, baby, drill!” (not to mention it’s older, ruder cousin, “Frack, baby, frack!”). At a time when so many Americans’ hair is on fire because their beds are burning because global warming is burning down the house, Haley’s decision to carry water for oil companies (and not the fire department) should disqualify her from becoming the Republican candidate for president.
Apparently modern Republicans live for the sensation of having their hair on fire…
Grading Candidates On A Steep Curve? It Is To Laffer
Uhh, yeah. Tim Scott, the eighties called and they would like their dignity back.
The Laffer Curve is a dirty joke in Conservative circles, the sort of thing eight year-olds share on the playground at recess because they think it is profound. Or it gets lots of giggles. Either way, adults recognize it as the worst kind of junk economics (as if there is any other kind): decades of empirical evidence shows that it does not work in the real world.
Could Tim Scott be trying to enter the world of alternate facts that so much of Donald Trump’s base effortlessly inhabits? It’s possible. However, it is worth keeping in mind the old truism: never attribute to clever tactics what can be explained by lack of inspiration.
At least he never has to worry about his hair being on fire.
Mister Christie, You’re A Tough Cookie
And then, there was this guy.