Thank you, Exuent Rick, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, it took us a few seconds to understand what the new logo of the Toronto Blue Jays was supposed to represent. You haven’t seen it? It’s basically the old logo with blue drops coming from the jay’s beak. What? That doesn’t scream “blue raspberry ice cream” to you? Us neither. Either. Both. Whatever. The logo makes a lot more sense if you look at it as Major League Baseball dipping its taloned toes into modernist art. Sure. The Blue Jays logo has been augmented by a couple of Jackson Pollock drips. In the coming weeks, we can expect to see: Cleveland’s logo rendered in the style of a melting Salvadore Dali painting (which would be an improvement); a pointillist version of the Baltimore Oriole’s bird logo; and the Red Sox of Boston drawn in the style of Andy Warhol’s Campbell’s Soup paintings. Who says modern sport isn’t educational?
And you see? You don’t have to resort to lewdness to make fun of the new Blue Jays logo. Not that we’re judging our brothers and sisters in satire who do…
Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff
Meshuggah Like A Desert Fox!
Protests against Benjamin Netanyahu’s plan to stay out of jail entered their 13th week, despite the fact that Israel’s Prime Minister had put a pause on judicial reform. “He wants to negotiate the terms of the reform law?” stated incredulous protester Rebekkah Schmulick. “The only negotiations that will be acceptable to us are whether he will go to jail for six years or only four years! If he thinks he can wait us out and pass the law he wants, Bibi is meshuggah!”
Netanyahu responded, “Oy! Quick – hide the silverware! They’re on to us!”
“We will not allow this attack on judicial independence to bear fruit,” Schmulick added. “Israel’s democratic traditions are too important to its citizens!”
From a shack in a refugee camp in the Gaza Strip, Palestinian Salman Chechemesh responded, “That’s good to know…”
SOURCE: The Arad Post
[http://www.apost.com/servlet/Satellite?pagename=APost/APArticle/ShowFull&cid=12988556238025]
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Checkbook Donald
Was King Of Them All
Money Changes Everything
(As It Has Since The Country Began)
Checkbook Charlie
Loves to party hardy
He sure does have the gift of gab
Especially when Exxon Mobil’s picking up the tab
To the trough, he is never tardy
Checkbook Charlie
Checkbook Kyrsten
With progressive ideals seemed to be burstin’
But she spent more time with wealthy donors
Than with constituents of her own. Hers
Is a journey for which few are thirstin’
Checkbook Kyrsten
Checkbook Louie
Had always known how to sling the hooey
But when Big Money came a-courting
All thoughts of reason he set about aborting
His shaky moral compass going KABLOOEY!
Checkbook Louie
Checkbook Mitch
Saw his opportunity to become rich
Even his wife Elaine
Hooked public service to a poisoned gravy train
Neither of them could ultimately ditch
Checkbook Mitch
SOURCE: Poetry, Cornered
[http://www.cibc.com/ca/personal/poetrycorner/869.html]
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DeSantis Left Unsaid: “Good Thing I Enjoy Causing Other People Misery, So It Wasn’t A Complete Waste!”
Despite being indicted for crimes on multiple counts in many jurisdictions, former President Donald Trump has easily won the Republican nomination for the 2024 presidential race.
“Aww, man!” groaned Florida Governor Ron DeSantis. “You mean I’ve made my state a horrible hellhole and brought misery to millions of people for no good reason‽ What a rip!”
SOURCE: Cleveland Wheeler Dealer
[http://www.cleveland.ca/enter/index.ssf?/living/wheelerdealer/index.ssf%3fu/base/news/1476749847263447.xml]
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All Parents Are Created Equal, But Some Parents Are More Equal Than Others
THE PARENTS BILL OF RIGHTS:
Parents have a right to know what their children are being taught.1
Parents have the right to be heard.2
Parents have the right to see the school budget and spending.3
Parents have a right to protect their child’s privacy.4
Parents have the right to keep their children safe.5
Notes
1. And object to it. And stop it if it offends their racist, sexist or homophobic or transphobic beliefs. Even a single parent. Because the rights of one parent trump those of millions of students.
2. Unless their children are black. Or gay. Or trans-gendered. In those cases, they have the right to suck eggs. Quietly. Shh…
3. Unless their children are going to a private school. Because, honestly, corporations are the most important people to us.
4. As long as the child isn’t menstruating. Then, the state has an absolute right to know. Or, if your child wants to menstruate but isn’t biologically capable of it. Then, not only does the state have an absolute right to know, but it has a positive duty to tell school officials, sports organizations and assorted other busybodies.
5. Just not from guns. Guns have a larger right to be kept safe from children. When rights conflict, donor money is always the winner.
SOURCE: Politics For Dummies
Hill Added: “If We Really Are In The Middle Of A Cancel Culture, Why Is It We Never Seem To Cancel The Right People?”
The former artist known as Kanye West has allowed that maybe, possibly, in a way, if you don’t think about to too hard, Jews may kind of, sort of, in some sense be, you know, human. He says he was cured of his antisemitism by watching Jonah Hill in the film 21 Jump Street.
“I…I can do that?” Hill commented. “If this is true, I can assure you I will only use my powers for good, not evil.”
“He said that?” West responded. “What a [ANTISEMITISM CENSORED]! That’s the last time I’m gonna trust a [ANTISEMITISM CENSORED]!”
Hill sighed. “Some people have no sense of humour…”
SOURCE: Entertainment Right Now
[http://www.entertainmentrightnow.com/mini/smug2023/2023/03/23/noyayforkanye/]
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Previous Honorary Member Inductee Vladimir Putin Beamed And Said, “I Trained Him Well…”
In a ceremony in Waco, Texas on the 30th anniversary of an FBI raid of the Branch Davidian cult’s complex, former President Donald Trump was given a plaque stating that he was an honorary member of the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse. Before handing over the plaque, Death told an enthusiastic crowd that Trump was, “responsible for more social and political chaos than any living being in a long time. We felt that all of his good work should be recognized.”
“What can I say about this terrific honour from this fantastic bunch of guys?” Trump, grinning, asked. “They get me.”
SOURCE: Alternate Reality News Service
[http://www.arns.com/sinbin?id=323884413145200934687fx]
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