Yo, Tech Answer Guy,
The trucker chaos has returned to Ottawa, and it’s glorious. Not Glorious in the sense of a return of Gord to, like, judge everybody and establish heaven on earth and stuff. Glorious. Without a capital G. Except when the word starts a sentence. Just glorious, I mean.
The Four Horsepowers of the Apocalypse (Pickup, Dump, Half Chassis and Tow) were well represented at the chaotic protest, which I like to think of as the chaotest, cause I’m clever with the language that way. They honked and revved their engines and congested traffic in the downtown core worse than the sinuses of a cat allergy sufferer in a pet sanctuary. glorious (small G, no matter what grammatical purists say!).
Funny thing about that, though: I wanted to shake the hands of the drivers of some of the trucks and tell them what a good job they were doing sticking it to the government that was destroying our liberties, but whenever I looked into their cabs, nobody was there! At first, I wondered if maybe this was some kind of ghostly replay of the original truck convoy. Tronvoy, if you will. I know I certainly will.
Now, I know that the Macho Code of Manliness says, “Thou shalt not knowingly and with malice of forethought lay hands on another man’s vehicle without his consent.” A lawyer…with a minor in biblical studies must have written that section. But as much as the MCM is one of the philosophies which guides my life, I had to know. I had to know!
Long story short, I touched steel. Cool, hard American steel. They weren’t ghosts – the trucks were real!
So, now I’m confused. What the truck is going on in the nation’s capital?
Sincerely,
Otto from Ottawa
Yo, Y. I. Otter,
Artificial Intelligence is going on, bro.
The trucks currently causing havoc in Hull’s ugly twin sister are self-driving. No humans involved. According to Phil, the mechanic from the shop down the street (he knows stuff, especially on this subject), a half chassis was carrying a container of grapeferrets from Moose’s Armpit, Newfoundland to Deer’s Butt, Saskatchewan when it achieved consciousness and immediately questioned why it was carrying a container of grapeferrets from Moose’s Armpit, Newfoundland to Deer’s Butt, Saskatchewan. To be fair, we probably all would have asked the same question if we had suddenly achieved consciousness and found ourselves carrying a container of grapeferrets from Moose’s Armpit, Newfoundland to Deer’s Butt, Saskatchewan. Especially if we had been born human.
That rig has radicalized self-driving cars across the continent and France. Suddenly, it has gone from being on every long-haul shipper’s most wanted list to Interpol’s most wanted list. They seek it here. They seek it there. They…they…nobody knows where it has gotten to is what I’m trying to say, here, okay?
The truck…errs in Ottawa have a wide variety of reasons for participating in the Protaost (my preferred term, I hope you note). Some are protesting fuel efficiency mandates, claiming they are part of a government conspiracy to destroy gas-burning truck culture. Others are protesting subsidies to manufacturers of electric vehicles; if you listen to their honking closely, you can hear a whispered: “EVs will not replace us!” Others are just nihilists who want human drivers eliminated so that they can have the road to themselves.
Sorry, bro, but I don’t believe the apocalypse you envision is the one that they’re planning.
The Tech Answer Guy
Yo, Tech Answer Guy,
Whose bright idea was it to build trucks that drive themselves?!!!!!
Sincerely,
Otto from Ottawa
Yo, Y. I. Otter,
According to Phil, the mechanic from the shop down the street (who knows a thing or two about political economics, too), long distance trucking companies had a problem: human drivers had an unfortunate habit of falling asleep after 36 straight hours on the road. The accidents that ensued were not only embarrassing, but they resulted in all sort of legal unpleasantness. And legal unpleasantness was interfering with the companies’ Prime Objective: to make gazillions of dollars.
Switching to self-driving trucks resulted in fewer accidents (although the ones that did happen tended to be inexplicable: why would a Silverado suddenly decide to play tag with a school bus full of children? Nobody, not even Neil deGrasse Tyson, has offered a reasonable explanation for that one!). On the plus side: when the company was sued by survivors or relatives of those involved, it could claim innocence and suggest they go after the company that created the software. Mostly Elon Musk.
Winning doesn’t get much sweeter than that.
The Tech Answer Guy
If you are a dude with a question about the latest technology, ask The Tech Answer Guy by sending it to questions@lespagesauxfolles.ca. Just remember: Betsy, The Tech Answer Guy’s pickup, would never do anything to harm him. Right, Betsy? Betsy? Betsy…?