Thank you, Ralph “Zip It” Tippet, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, we discovered that watching two women kissing in a movie is much hotter than watching two women kissing in real life. Especially when you sigh extravagantly to remind them that you’re there and one of them asks if you don’t have someplace to be right now. Some people just can’t take a hint!
Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff
Expect A 12 Part Series About The Horrible Conditions In Edmonton’s Jails When She Gets Out
Edmonton police arrested journalist Brandi Morin while she was covering them taking down a homeless encampment against the objections of its residents. “I know that most reporters are one paycheck away from living on the street,” Ethan Cox, editor of Ricochet Media, Morin’s publisher, stated, “but this is jumping the gun, don’t you think?”
SOURCE: Wryerson X University Corporate Named University Journalism Review
[http://www.wryerson.ca/wrj/online/rochester-eyre1.html]
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Aside From All The Great Comedy? Who Cares! All The Great Comedy Is Enough – Keep Your Hands Off The Province!
Despite what armchair quarterbacks – quartermasters? – quarterservants? – despite what armchair quarterservents are saying, it is not possible for Canada to win a total victory in its war with the United States. If it wants to avoid a grinding war that will wear down its population and destroy its economy, it has to negotiate an end to the conflict.
This may mean allowing the US to keep Newfoundland. But honestly, what has Newfoundland ever done for Canada?
SOURCE: Alternate Reality News Service
[http://www.arns.com/sinbin?id=32322641314941314687fx]
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Suing Critics And Shutting Down Multiple Parody Accounts – Now, Those Are The Signs Of A Strong Man!
Elon Musk
@elonmusk
To fear parody or criticism is a sign of weakness
SOURCE: Ending Trending Web Site
[http://endingtrending.blurgh/elon-and-winding-road/]
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Get It? The American Presidential Election Is Funny Because It’s True
Last year, the United States produced more oil than any other country in the history of the world. It was –
“Hey! Knock it off, will ya!” the Biden administration shushed us. “We were going to surprise the American people with that news.”
But it’s responsible for bringing the cost of gas down 40% from its 2021 peak. That helped bring inflation down, which is making life more affordable for more people. It’s a success story that you should be shouting from the rooftops!
“We will. We will. Just, you know, when the time is right.”
When will the time be right?
“After the 2024 election.”
SOURCE: Economics For Dummies
[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/entertainmentfordummies/economicsfordummies/home.asp?did=621&dir=bb]
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You Could Say That It’s A Target-Smoltrich Environment
The problem with the war on Gaza – okay, one of the many problems with the war on Gaza, is that it takes attention away from the myriad groups that the Israeli far/fascist (farcist?) right hate. Because, as C. Northcotte Parkinson observed in the 1950s, hate expands to fill the number of minority groups available for persecution. (I may be paraphrasing a little. Or a lot. Or entirely. Okay, I may be paraphrasing entirely. Possibly. Okay, probably…)
So, we owe a big debt of thank you to Jewish West Bank settler Bezalel Smotrich, who reminds us that having a racist hate on for Palestinians does not have to be an all-consuming passion, that it is possible to bear hate in one’s heart towards LGBTQ+ people at the same time. We eagerly await his next target. People who stutter? Men with ponytails? People who drive hybrid cars? Honestly, once you open yourself up to the hate within, the world is a target-rich environment.
Why, yes, that is a kipa on Smotrich’s head. Thank you for noticing. Yes, he is a man of god. But not the loving god of the New Testament. The mighty smitey god of the Old Testament – the one who was always in a pissy mood and had no hesitation taking it out on his people. If you’re going to have a role model, Smotrich figures, you may as well have one that would approve of your personal prejudices!
SOURCE: Karl’s Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism
[http://www.bigred.commie/articles/218^.htm]
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Not Enough Positive Trump Coverage In The Media?
“Why conservatives think distortion is baked into news coverage. Thomson, A5”
– National Post
“Trump blames fraud charges on collusion
Cites New York AG’s visit to White House”
– National Post
“TRUMP FACES CALL TO RETURN MONEY FROM FOREIGN GOVERNMENTS”
– National Post
“TRUMP’S LOFTY Iowa expectations set high bar for victory”
– National Post
SOURCE: Billy-Bob’s International House O’ Headlines
[http://www.com/lol.pdqfc.wwygw.wyswyg/fid=1386547338]
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Some Jokes Aren’t Funny Any More, Some Jokes Never Were
Comedy Is In The Gut Of The Beholder
Some people believe that there is no difference between the Democrats and the Republicans. Nothing could be further from the truth! One way you can tell members of the two parties apart is by looking at what each privately fears but cannot bring itself to say out loud.
Democrats secretly fear that if they are too vocal in opposing Israel’s destruction of Gaza, they will lose wealthy (Jewish and Evangelical Christian) donors. Especially the Evangelical Christians, whose whole theological future depends upon Jews returning to their homeland so they can be converted to Christianity or slaughtered. Of course, the joke is on Democrats: most evangelicals have been convinced that Donald Trump is their saviour, and he has no patience for Armageddon if it’s not going to happen in the next five minutes.
Republicans, on the other hand, secretly fear that if they are too vocal in opposing Donald Trump, somebody in his MAGA base will kill them. They all follow his TwitterX feed religiously to ensure that they are not mentioned in a negative way and to determine if they should sure their insurance is paid up. But the joke’s on them: sooner or later, a dictator turns on everybody who helped him get into power, and no amount of kissing the…ring will save them.
Still think they’re the same? Are you on crack?
SOURCE: Are You On Crack?
[http://www.finstermaninternational/~johnny/home]
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Keep Up That Attitude, And Your Future Will Be Easy To See
The Arena Group has announced that it plans to lay off a substantial number of employees at Sports Illustrated, mostly members of the NewsGuild union. The one area of the magazine which is considered safe, if not absolutely sacrosanct, is the staff of swimsuit photographers.
What this means for the future of Sports Illustrated is unclear. It could mean that the magazine will be using generative artificial intelligence to write its articles. It could mean that the magazine will rebrand as soft core porn.
What do you think we are: crystal bowling ball readers?
SOURCE: The Schwartz Sports Report
[http://www.schwartzsportsreport.com/ssr-news.shtml.htm#50232733345]
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