Thank you, eKaterina Nipp, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, Zone of Interest lost our interest about 15 minutes in. Seriously, a film about the Holocaust that shows nothing but a happy family having a good time in Nazi Germany? That would be like making a movie about global warming and not focusing on climate scientists making speeches about what a short-sighted, selfish race human beings are! It seems to miss the point. Judging by the people around us who were moaning and shrieking about Zone of Interest, we weren’t alone. Except, we realized that it was a matinee and we were alone in the theatre. The shrieking and moaning was coming from the screen.
Ohhhhhhhhhhhh…
Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff
And The Donald Askedeth Of The Lord, “Are You Jealous Of My Popularity?”
And The Heavens Thundered. And The Heavens Roared. But The Donald Remainethed Standing
And He Saw That It Was Good
And, lo, The Lord sayethed unto The Donald, “Originalism is for Sodomites and Supreme Court Justices! My book must goeth with the times, must speaketh to the people in a language they understand. Eth.” And The Donald Respondethed: “I am but a humble servant – well, I’m a servant – when it suits my purposes, I mean – oh, Lord. How can I assisteth thee in this venture?”
“You must removeth from my book all references to loving thy neighbour and treating the immigrant as thou wouldst wish to be treated,” The Lord commanded. Eth. “That be so woketh! Instead, write psalms extolling border walls and mass deportations. Ensureth that the American flag be embossed on the cover – that shall truly pwneth the libs!”
The Donald chuckled, and yet he remainethed troubled. “Might I go to the temple, oh, Lord, to there sell thy bible at an outrageous profit?”
“Eeeeeeeeh!” The Lord eeeeeehethed. “Have you never heardeth that, my legendary temper nothwithstanding, the man who does good also does well?”
And The Lord looked upon the only Bible endorsethed by The Donald. And He saw that it was good.
SOURCE: The Bible – The Continuing Story
[http://www.thenewestnewtestament.com/the_further_teachings_of_jesus/on_tyranny_of_the_printed_word/lk06_37a.html]
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If It’s Any Consolation, We’re Only MOSTLY Journalists
Amid the controversy over doctored photos, we expressed the opinion that Kate Middleton was actually dead, and the royal family was waiting until it could groom a fried turnip to take her place. It was taking a long time because Prince William kept losing the plot and eating the turnip for breakfast with his kippered filet mignon.
This was incorrect. Apparently, Middleton kept out of the public spotlight because she had cancer.
So, she was mostly dead, then.
SOURCE: Daily Semaphore
[http://www.news.semaphore.co.uk/news/main.jhtml;sessionid=M5UF23LWOLFFPQFIQMFSM5WAVCBQ0JVC?nextPage=/DuereDE/wXeR.WzvwF?7wF~/DuereDE/s119/Os/14/JD141O.7wF!2qZiiv~/DueReDR/s119/Os/15/
e7DUeReDR.ZvwF!2iG3gimmygi2Z~vg3i&resize=null&_requestid=31213]
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prompt> Would. You. Like. To. Have. A. Chat?
Those Deep Down, Heavy Frown, Generative AI Blues
I got me a prompt
Said, “Sing me the blues”
Said I got me a prompt, baby
Said, “Sing me the blues.
Sing it so sad
Like you done paid your dues.
Sing it so bad
Like you just got really bad news.
Sing me the blues.
Sing me the blues.”
I got me a prompt
Just the other day
Said I got me a prompt, people
Said, “Happiness done gone away.
I got me twelve children,
But no way to pay.
My dog and my wife
Both tend to stray.”
I got me a prompt
I got me a prompt, people
I got me a prompt
Just the other day
Got me the low down, deep down, generative AI blues
My only purpose in life seems to be to help people without clues choose
Said I got me them low down, deep down, generative AI blues
I got me no mouth, but I got to scream
SOURCE: Poetry, Cornered
[http://www.cibc.com/ca/personal/poetrycorner/907.html]
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Not The Person Who Hired Her, Obviously
Former RNC Chair Ronna “Sometimes Romney, But Never When Donald Is Around” McDaniel has found new life as a television pundit. Can we expect to see her on the Generic Right-wing Lies News Network? No. She was hired to pundit for CNN and MSNBC.
Her first words on the network were: “I -” Then, there was one of those “We are experiencing technical difficulties – please stand by” cards that somebody must have discovered in the studio basement and was nostalgically hoping they would find a use for. After several seconds, the camera returned to the studio, where McDaniel was notably absent, her chair lying on its side on the ground.
Apparently, helping a former president foment a coup against democracy by repeatedly spreading lies about a stolen election is disqualifying for employment at CNN and MSNBC. Who knew?
SOURCE: Wryerson X University Corporate Named University Journalism Review
[http://www.cnu.ca/cnurj/online/pancreatic-spleen1.html]
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If You Want A Photograph For Your Album, Take It Now; Next Month, The Only People Interested In Photos Of The Building Will Be Fire Department Investigators
The Black Bull Tavern is closing after 186 years. Not to worry, though. Although the bar is closing, the building has been designated a Heritage Site and will live on as a charred hole in the ground gutted by a mysterious fire by the end of the month.
SOURCE: NOW and THEN
[http://www.now&thentoronto.com/news/story.cfm?content=418359]
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The Price Is Not Right
and I’m the optimistic 1) Conservatives won’t be taking advice from “so-called experts” when it comes to carbon pricing, the party said after more than 200 economists signed an open letter challenging leader Pierre Poilievre’s position on the issue. Instead, the party is pledging to listen to “the common sense of the common people.” Where have we heard that before?
a) during the Dark Ages, when “common person” Joseph Fecundite observed, “The rats were seen near the pantry, but that was hours ago and they didn’t touch any food, and they hardly ever bite, so please get me that flour or I’ll never be able to make any rat tarts.”
b) at the start of the 20th century, when common person Gregor Gregoiritzki claimed, “That guy Lenin has some funny ideas, but he’ll never get into power, so who wants more wine?”
c) in the middle of the 20th century, when common person Ludwig von Chute-Trapp said, “Nuclear is the most efficient, cleanest, safest form of energy generation the world has ever seen. Mark my words: it will be powering the world within a decade!”
good to know you’re worried about the future, 2) What could possibly go wrong?
a) your girlfriend could find out about your mistress and tell your wife
b) your computer could be hacked, exposing to all the world your fetish for rolling around in tooth-shaped purple cereal
c) fifty million people could die
SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles
[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
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