ACROSS
2. No, I don’t use spray-on tan – bright and…orange is my natural colour. But, uhh, either way, I don’t want my skin to be this – the last thing I want is to appear washed out on TV!
4. “You’re fired!” Hee hee – I love saying that. Sometimes, I turn to whoever’s around me and calmly tell them, “You’re fired!” It scares the shit out of strangers and helps to keep my friends in line, let me tell you! Another way of saying, “You’re fired!” is to say, “I’m giving you the ____!”
5. You know it, he knows it, the man who throws pillows knows it: they were on both sides in Charlottesville
8. I have been blessed with hair that will never go grey, so you know I don’t use this
9. Of course I had dozens of shell corporations! Money has to circulate! You don’t want it to sit like this, trust me on that. I was the richest man on Earth, or would have been if Forbes had been honest about it!
11. The best place on Earth, worth billions of dollars (and don’t let any Corrupt, Communist, Socialist, Fascist, Democrat Fat Cat accountant tell you otherwise): ___-_-Lago
12. Radical Left Zealot and Thug Jack Smith is deranged. CORRUPT & RACIST NEW YORK STATE A. G., Letitia James, suffers from TRUMP DERANGEMENT SYNDROME (TDS)! But Fany Willis? She just a ___!
13. Insurrection? There was no insurrection on January 6! There were tourists. Doing touristy things. There was no violence on the Capitol. And if there was, it was only touristy violence and anyway, I had no part in it and I immediately called out the National Guard to stop it. And for no reason other than TDS, a Corrupt, Communist, Socialist, Fascist, Democrat Fat prosecutor wants to send me to jail! I would laugh it off, but I’m doing this – serious this!
16. I am your justice. I am your retribution. And I say this with all due humility and absolutely none of this
17. I didn’t take any documents to 11 Across that I wasn’t completely entitled to because I was the President and I could declassify documents with my mind, and, anyway, I complied with every request the Library of Congress made of me, and anybody who says otherwise is this kind of news outlet!
DOWN
1. See 15 down
2. Masks? No! Bleach? Yes! Social distancing? No! Ivormectin? Yes! Are you getting a sense of how I feel about COVID?
3. Take one of mine of these for one of yours, and pretty soon we all look like pirates! Which wouldn’t necessarily be a bad thing – I mean, I would rock a black patch! Arrrrrr!
4. The greatest reality TV show in the history of the human race. Everybody knows it. Everybody. It had 127% of the audience for its time slot. It’s true! People would buy a second TV so they could watch my show on both! (with “The”)
6. All of the women I have ever had sex with had Tremendous Knockers! THE BIGGER THE BETTER! I don’t look at a woman twice if she doesn’t have a great ___! (When you’re rich, you can get away with saying things like this. I love being rich!)
7. You never go into war without this kind of strategy. No, I’m not talking about Vladimir Putin – he’s a good man. We get along very well. No, I’m talking about senile Joe – do you have a this kind of strategy for Ukraine, Joe? Maybe it’s time for a cup of Ovaltine and an early bed? Eh, Joe? Waddaya say?
8. Remember when I said that I could shoot a man on Fifth Avenue and not get arrested? Good times. Of course, people told me it was a big mistake. “You’re gonna turn off voters saying shit like that,” they told me. Aww, what do they know? Everybody loves when I say shit like that! After I said that, whenever advisers would tell me not to say something, it fell on this kind of ears
10. I’m the top this
14. National Sellotape Furniture? Neutral Strychnine Fungus? Newts Save Fractions? I don’t know. Who cares? Crossword puzzles are like work, and this is getting boring!
15. With 1 down, what I say to people who try to tell me things I don’t want to hear, only I’m not usually this polite about it!