Thank you, Karyny Blissh, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, the TikTok hashtag #BedRotting caught our eye. We thought it would have something to do with leaving box springs out in the rain for several days and seeing what developed. We won’t kid you: we assumed that time lapse photography would be involved. It could be fun in a car wreck kind of way.
Well. Imagine our surprise when it turned out that #BedRotting actually referred to videos of people lounging in bed doing nothing! This wasn’t a 1960s style protest – it was an attempt by people to eliminate distractions from their lives and spend time alone with their thoughts. Our first thought was: What’s the big whup? We have thoughts all the time. Spending time with them should be a breeze! So, we tried.
We lay down in our bed and looked forward to communing with our thoughts. Before we knew what had happened, we were sitting in front of our computer, watching an episode of Mrs. Davis. We had no idea of how we got there! One minute, we were lying in bed, the next we were at our desk. We darkly mused that teleportation must have been involved somehow. So, we tried again. We may have lasted all of a minute in bed before picking up our phone and checking our email.
Living with your thoughts is harder than we thought! As it were. But we’re going to keep at it until we get it right! And that’s the reason we’re not in the office today – we’re sure the boss will understand…
Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff
A Pence For Your Thoughts? (We Know We’re Probably Overpaying, But Still…)
PENCE: If you just read the indictment, you’ll see how powerful it is.
MAGA REPUBLICAN: I can’t read.
PENCE: Somebody can teach you to read.
MAGA REPUBLICAN: Oops. I just plucked my eyes out. Sorry, even if I could read, I can no longer see.
PENCE: You can always get a friend to read it to you.
MAGA REPUBLICAN: A friend? Please. All my friends turned out to be woke libtards! I wouldn’t listen to anything they read!
PENCE: A family member, then. Why don’t you get a family member to read it to you?
MAGA REPUBLICAN: They’re all illiterate and scheduled to pluck their eyes out.
PENCE: There are versions on the internet that people have read. You can always download and listen to one of them.
MAGA REPUBLICAN: What’s the internet?
PENCE: Oh. (pause) You’re not going to vote for me in the Republican presidential primary, are you?
MAGA REPUBLICAN: Not a hope in hell.
SOURCE: Weekends!
[http://www.nobc.com/Weekends/video/play.shtml?mea=227845]
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To Thine Own Selfie Be True
It’s a sad day, indeed, when somebody is arrested for criminal harassment just for bringing flowers to a dying man in a hospital. Okay, the man, Bubba Christopher Michael Pollock, was an opponent of drag queen storytime. And the dying man, Andy Leroux, was the father of a supporter of drag queen storytime who challenged Bubba’s position. But posting a selfie to Facebook where Pollock was grinning in front of the dying man’s bed wasn’t meant to intimidate anybody, it was a heart-felt expression of support for a family going through a rough time. The real harassment is arresting somebody for publicly expressing compassion!
SOURCE: Bigots Without Borders
[http://www.bigotswithoutborders.org/]
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Not To Be Confused With Bungee Bungee, Although If The Cord Was Set Up Over A Bed…
Hell-a-vision
midnight to 6am
Burn in Hell, With George Wallace
Tonight, George welcomes a close personal friend: Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi. They share tips about how to maintain control of your country when you are corrupt and incompetent, and discuss how the best way to deal with the press is to own it. Then, they joke about the size of Sophia Loren’s chest. Bunga bunga!
SOURCE: Ukrainian TV Guide
[http://www.tvguide.ua/listings/index.asp?referrerID=0&returnurl=%2Flistings%2Findex%2Easp%3F®Mode=0]
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Toronto The Good Enough
will 1ders never cease?) Signs advertising “Collision Toronto” have been erected around the city, most notably Trinity Bellwoods Park, where homeless people were violently evicted in 2021. What message do the signs give?
a) “We don’t need bike lanes because we’re okay with cyclists being hit by cars.”
b) “We don’t need good housing for the homeless because we have cops.”
c) “We’re so world class, we can host a huge tech conference without acknowledging any irony whatsoever.”
2 good 2 b true) How are you going to vote in Toronto’s upcoming mayoral election?
a) as if my life depended on it
b) as if the lives of the most vulnerable people in the city depended on it
c) there’s an upcoming mayoral election?
your life, now in 3-D!) Yes, low-information voter, there is an upcoming mayoral election in Toronto. How do you plan on choosing the best candidate from the 102 who are running?
a) I’m going to see who Premier Doug Ford hates the most and not vote for them
b) I’m going to see who the Toronto Star endorses and not vote for them
c) hmm…that’s a tough question. There clearly isn’t enough room on my dartboard for all of the candidates. Perhaps a random number generator…?
SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles
[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
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He’s Not Dead Yet – It’s His Summer Residence
After the Supreme Court upheld the Safe Third Country Agreement with the United States as constitutional, the federal government smugly said that it would continue turning immigrants and refugees back at the border.
Somewhere in Hell, Stephen Miller is smiling.
SOURCE: The Quick and the Detwiler
[http://quick&detwiler.blogspot.com/]
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Glad You Cleared THAT Up
Hello. It’s me. Turducken Carlson. On a brand new platform! To me. I’m here because my former employer, who I am not allowed to name for contractual reasons, did things to me that I am not allowed to describe for contractual reasons. Ordinarily, under these undefined circumstances I would move to another network, like Newsmax or OAN, a place that truly appreciated my hard-hitting journalism. However, for contractual reasons which I am not allowed to discuss, I’m not allowed to go on those or any other networks. So, here I am, podcasting from my basement just like all of the other schmucks on Twitherd. But I’m not like all the other schmucks on Twitherd. I’m Turducken Carlson. And I have questions…
SOURCE: Twitherd Turducken
[https://twitherd.com.Turducken.Carlson]
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