Thank You For The Confession – This Will Make Your War Crimes Trial Go Much Smoother
“I have ordered a complete siege on the Gaza Strip. There will be no electricity, no food, no fuel, everything is closed. We are fighting human animals and we are acting accordingly.”
– Israeli Defence Minister Yoav Gallant
Somewhere In Alberta, A Premier Smiles And Thinks, This Is A Legacy I Can Build On!
“Canada is the only G7 country that has not achieved any emissions reductions since 1990…”
– Environment and Sustainable Development Commissioner Jerry DeMarco on the Trudeau government’s climate plan
Good To Know That Once He Has Destroyed The Country, He Has A Career As A Stand-up Comedian To Fall Back On
“[If I have] the honour to be Prime Minister, I would be that for all the Dutch people.”
– far right, anti-immigrant Geert Wilders
As A Previous Prime Minister Trudeau Said: “Just Watch Us!”
“Canada cannot pick and choose whose human rights to fight for.”
– Toronto Star letter writer Shamir Tanna
Romeo Wept
“When she said that she did not want to date me, my romantic feelings became violent thoughts… This triggered me to want to harm other Muslims.”
– London, Ontario killer Nathaniel Veltman, describing rejection by a Muslim girl in a psychiatrist’s report
“Spread Peace, Love, And Kindness Wherever You Go.”
But What Does The Koran Know?
“I think Islam hates us.”
– Donald Trump
If He Had Understood The Science, He Would Have Rejected It Anyway, But At Least It Wouldn’t Have Been Out Of Ignorance
“I think I’m right in saying that the Prime Minister gave up science at 15…he’d be the first to admit it wasn’t his forte and that he struggled with the concepts and we did need to repeat them – often.”
– Boris Johnson’s former chief scientific adviser Patrick Vallance on the former Prime Minister’s COVID-19 briefings
The Result Is War Crimes And Not Self-defence
“The emphasis is on damage and not on accuracy.”
– an Israeli Defence Forces’ spokesperson on October 10
Because A Country’s Problems Are Always Caused By People Who Don’t Even Live There
Aristotle Would Recognize The Logic – Why Don’t Liberals?
“If the housing crisis continues to get worse, if the health-care system isn’t improved, there’s a chance this becomes much more salient.”
– Abacus Data pollster David Coletto on growing anti-immigrant sentiment in Canada
Merriam Is Down With That Definition, But Webster Thoroughly Rejects It
Expect Fisticuffs
“If he could ever make it as a musical artist and help his family, himself and his many others out of this endless cycle of hopelessness, he would be truly humbled under God. That’s what thug means.”
– Brian Steel, lawyer for rapper Young Thug
“But, We Don’t Get A Vote In Today’s Elections!” Future Generations Grumble
“However much trouble getting off oil might cause Ottawa from a constitutional vantage point, it pales in comparison to the trouble that delaying the energy transition will assuredly cause future generations of Canadians.”
– Taylor C. Noakes
Especially Dessert!
“Food is food. There’s nothing wrong with having leftovers from dinner as a breakfast meal to shake things up.
– registered dietitian Stefania Palmeri
Is Dennis Miller Part Of Your Legal Team Now?
“I’d say it’s good to be here, your honour, but I have a feeling that the attorney general would sue me for perjury if I said that.”
– Donald Trump, Jr. testifying for the defence in the family fraud trial
You’re Two Thousand Years Too Late
“What we will do to our enemies in the coming days will reverberate with them for generations.”
– Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu
Continuing To Use The Name The Public Knew Us Under Was Our Biggest Mistake
“Four years ago when I became CEO, I think we were very transparent. We said there’s a part of the company which is excellent, performs really well. There’s parts of the company which don’t… We’re going to stop doing what’s not working, we’re going to do more of what’s working really well.”
–
I Seem To Recall The Presidency Of Another Republican Who Claimed To Be Too Rich To Be Bought And Paid For
How Did That Work Out?
“Let us be honest as Republicans. I’m the only person on the stage who isn’t bought and paid for, so I can say this. Climate change agenda is a hoax.”
– Republican primary presidential candidate Vivek Ramaswamy
That Is Obviously Untrue
What Is Between Your Ears Was There From Birth
“I pour concrete.”
– Eric Trump
“Celebrating Diversity Is Not A Canadian Value, No Matter What Mr. Dressup Says!”
“This isn’t about individual queer children or trans children. This is about what’s appropriate or not appropriate in the educational system.”
– Melanie Bennet, of Parents Rights Coalition of Canada
Future Generations Sigh And Respond, “I’m Mad, And My Name Isn’t Even Max!”
“We’re creating an opportunity for the federal government to do the right thing and back down.”
– Premier Danielle Smith on invoking Alberta’s Sovereignty Act to fight proposed federal electricity rules
“I Couldn’t Get My AR-47 In The Colour I Wanted – Somebody Had To Pay!”
“Someone trampling Second Amendment rights needed to make the list.”
– David DePape explaining his motive for trying to kidnap former House speaker Nancy Pelosi
Not To Worry
When The Domestic-terrorist-in-chief Returns To The Oval Office, You’ll All Be Given The Status Of Civil Servants
“In one day he ended every future opportunity that doesn’t include speaking engagements at the local Proud Boys chapter… And all of us that didn’t have jobs lined up will be perpetually unemployed… I’m so mad and upset… We all look like domestic terrorists now.”
– Hope Hicks on Donald Trump
Israeli Prime Minister Pats Him On The Head And Responds, “Thanks For The Check.”
“I urge the government of Israel to exercise maximum restraint…we’re hearing the testimonies of doctors, family members, survivors, kids who’ve lost their parents. The world is witnessing this, the killing of women and children, of babies. This has to stop.”
– Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau