Thank you, Fabrizzio “The Driller in Maniller” Emshwiller, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, we had mixed feelings about the publication of Until August, a volume that the late author Gabriel Garcia Marquez had expressly asked not be published after his death, but was anyway. On the one hand, we were outraged that the wishes of an artist could be so cavalierly disregarded, especially since posthumous publications were almost always a money grab by publishers and authors’ estates that had nothing to do with artistic merit. The nerve of some people, to think that they knew better than the artists whose work they were planning on exploiting! But then we took a breath – a deep, deep breath – and reminded ourselves that we had never actually read anything by Gabriel Garcia Marquez, hadn’t really given him much thought until the controversy had broken out, so what did we know?
We love giving our two cents worth on internet controversies – they’re endlessly entertaining!
Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff
There’s One In Every Bloodthirsty Crowd
Excerpt from a Deadline News Network Forum for Trump Supporters held in Hamhock, Texas:
WOLF BLITZEDOUT: What do you think Donald Trump meant when he said that there would be a bloodbath in the country if he didn’t win the election?
JEREMIAH BOUILLABAISSE: That there would be rioting in the streets! BANG! BANG! BANG! That we would kill all the liberal elites! BANG! BANG! BANG! Uhh…no offence meant.
BLITZEDOUT: Much taken. So what he said wasn’t about the car industry?
BOUILLABAISSE: Don’t be a jerk.
BLITZEDOUT: Will you be…BANGing if Trump loses?
BOUILLABAISSE: No. My doctor tells me to avoid it because I…I’m allergic to rubber bullets and tear gas.
BLITZEDOUT: And you, ma’am? What did you think about the former President’s remarks about a bloodbath if he loses?
REGINA FOMALHAUT: The current President was saying that true Patriots would have to get out our AR-47s and hunting rifles and Lugers and Smith and Wessons and hand grenades and concussion bombs and Bowie knives and baby’s arms holding poisoned apples and take to the streets to take back the country from the tyrants who want to steal democracy from us.
BLITZEDOUT: So it wasn’t about the car industry?
FOMALHAUT: Seriously, don’t be a jerk.
BLITZEDOUT: Will you be doing that?
FOMALHAUT: I doubt it. I expect my AR-47s will be in the shop for cleaning that week, and my Bowie knife is rusty and really needs to be replaced.
BLITZEDOUT: What about you, sir? What do you have to say about the President’s comments?
FRANK NAMEWITHHELDFORLEGALREASONS: Henh henh henh. Kill the liberals! Kill them! Kill them! Kill them! Kill them all! Shoot them and stab them and shoot them again and poison them and hang them and draw and quarter them and shoot them again! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill!
BLITZEDOUT: So it wasn’t about the car industry?
NAMEWITHHELDFORLEGALREASONS: Jerk.
BLITZEDOUT: Will you be doing that?
NAMEWITHHELDFORLEGALREASONS: Do you have any doubt about what I will be doing if Donald Trump doesn’t win the 2024 election?
BLITZEDOUT: (gulps) This seems like a good time to go to a commercial. Seriously, let’s go to a commercial. Now.
SOURCE: Deadline News Network
[http://www.dnn.com/2024/ALLPOLITICS/03/21/reps.main/index.html]
more
Unfortunately, Hollywood Attitudes Towards Women Are Frozen In The Thirties
Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire has at least one thing going for it: it proves that the all-female Ghostbusters wasn’t a bad movie because its leads were women.
SOURCE: Imaginary Movie Database
[http://www.imd.com/title/tt0178449/]
more
A Poke In The Eye For A Poke In The Eye, And Pretty Soon Everybody Is Blindsided By A Genocide
Yesterday, American Secretary of State Anthony Blinken warned the government of Israel that attacking the Gaza town of Rafah would be “a mistake” that was “unnecessary” to the elimination of Hamas. Expect the Israeli government to start the bombing tomorrow.
SOURCE: The Baghdad Post
[http://www.baghdadpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A49881-2024March22.html]
more
How To Tell If You’re A Reagan Republican:
You’re No Longer A Republican
How To Tell If You’re a Biden Democrat
YOU WANT: to be Doctor Tomorrow
YOU’LL SETTLE FOR: being Ozymandias
YOU’LL GET: being Nite Owl II
How To Tell If You’re A MAGA Republican
YOU WANT: to be Rorschach
YOU’LL SETTLE FOR: being Rorschach
YOU’LL GET: being Rorschach
SOURCE: The Amazing Chocolate Yummies Blog
[http://www.chocoyummies.net/]
more
Then, She Offered To Recite Martin Luther King’s “I Have A Dream” Speech
Everybody Knew What It Was Evidence Of, But Didn’t Want To Confront Her Over It
The Toronto District School Board has disbanded its race relations committee, which was established in 1982 to deal with anti-Black racism.
“We no longer need a committee on race relations,” said member Emily Nutella. “We have Black History Month!”
SOURCE: The Chronicle of Lower Education
[http://lowerchronicle.com/weekly/v12/i13/36a02601.htm]
more
How About The Twelfth Of Never In Erehwon?
Does The Twelfth Of Never In Erehwon Work For You?
Donald J. Trump
@realDonaldTrump
It is important, for the Good of our Country, that Joe Biden and I Debate Issues that are so vital to America, and the American People. Therefore, I am calling for Debates, ANYTIME, ANYWHERE ANYPLACE! The Debates can be run by the Corrupt DNC, or their Subsidiary, the Commission on Presidential Debates (CPD). I look forward to receiving a response. Thank you for your attention to this matter!
SOURCE: Ending Trending Web Site
[http://endingtrending.blurgh/twelfth-of-never-say-never/]
more
Third Reading And YER OUTTA THERE!
To understand why Parliament requires three readings before it passes legislation, consider the NDP’s motion on Gaza:
FIRST READING: The motion demands recognition of a Palestinian state, an immediate ceasefire and cessation of arms sales from Canada to Israel.
SECOND READING: Liberal amendments to the motion ensure that there will be an immediate ceasefire in Gaza…just as soon as it is convenient for the Israeli government, and that Canada will stop selling arms to Israel…but arms components are still good because they don’t directly kill civilians. All mention of a Palestinian state is rabbit-holed.
THIRD READING: WTF‽
SOURCE: Glob and Maul
[http://www.globandmaul.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20240322.eladvote0322_@/BNStory/newsOops2024/]
more
The Club Represents The 100% Tariff On Chinese Cars Imported Into The US
Duh!
The Kansas Republican Party held a fundraiser in which supporters could pay to kick, hit and club an effigy of Democratic President Joe Biden. When asked why they did it, party members said it was to make a statement about China producing cheap cars in Mexico and trying to sell them in the United States, potentially causing a bloodbath in the American auto industry.
SOURCE: USA Whenever
[http://www.usawhenever.com/news/national/2024-03-19-not-so-fine-china_x.htm]
more