You Won’t Get Them While I’m Senate Republican Caucus Leader; I Just Enjoy Raising People’s Hopes – It Makes Crushing Them That Much Sweeter
“The American people deserve an impartial judiciary that is full of the finest legal minds our country has to offer.”
– Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell
And If You Disagree With My Assessment Of Who Is Succumbing To The Culture Of Victimhood Here, I’ll Stamp My Precious Little Feet And Pout Until You’re So Embarrassed You’ll Be Forced To Accept My Position!
– “Particularly women in the Gen Z generation, 10 or 11 to, uhh, to 25 or 26, they’re living their lives on social media and it is – they’re not developing interpersonal relationships, making them very fragile. It’s reaffirming this culture of victimhood. They’re not getting ready for the world.”
– Republican Senator John Kennedy
History Is For People Who Think Justice Is Too Quick
“History will hold Donald Trump accountable.”
– Mike Pence
So, All Of Those Arabs In The Occupied Territories Are Israelis?
“Don’t Put Words In My Mouth!”
“There is no such thing as a Palestinian nation. There is no Palestinian history. There is no Palestinian language.”
– Israeli Finance Minister Bezalel Smotrich’s contribution to lowering regional tensions
Sometimes, It’s Easy To Forget That Justice Is A Popularity Contest
“Are you guys really going to arrest Trump? Do you know this is only going to make him more popular? It’s like arresting Tupac. He’s just gonna sell more records. Are you stupid?”
– Chris Rock
Have You Spoken To Mike Pence Lately?
“President Trump is still liable for everything he did while in office. He didn’t get away with anything yet. We have a criminal justice system in this country. We have civil litigation.”
– Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell explaining why not voting to impeach Donald Trump was the right thing to do
TRANSLATION: Busted! Please Don’t Hurt Us…
“We understand the Court’s concerns, apologize, and are committed to clear and full communication with the Court moving forward.”
– Fox Attorney Blake Rohrbacher in a letter to the judge in the Dominion voting machine lawsuit
Only Disinformation And Manipulation By Private Media Should Be Allowed
Because…Because…Because SHUT UP!
“We must protect Canadians against disinformation and manipulation by state media.”
– Conservative Party leader Pierre Poilievre
Maybe The Reason You Lost Your Seat Was Because You Didn’t Listen To Yourself. You’re Extremely Ignorant, You Haven’t Managed Your Lack Of Compassion And There’s No Political Accountability While You’re In Office.
“Maybe the reason you had a heart attack was because you haven’t taken care of yourself. You’re extremely overweight, you haven’t managed your congestive heart failure, you haven’t managed your diabetes and there’s no personal accountability. But they come into the hospital and all of a sudden it’s everyone else’s problem but their own.”
– Chelsae Petrovic, United Conservative Party
The Secret To A Long Marriage Is Good Grooming
“Do you know any kids who have been married at age 12? I do. And guess what? They’re still married.”
– Republican State Sen. Mike Moon
The Vimy Memorial Was On The Passport?
“The Vimy Memorial was a fundamental image, also representing a defining moment for Canada, a country emerging as an independent nation with limitless potential. Removing that image…was, to put it bluntly, a poor decision.”
– the Royal Canadian Legion criticizes the removal of the Vimy Ridge Memorial from passports
You Can Always Fly Your Pride Flag In The Closet…
“By flying these flags [of federal, provincial and municipal governments] alone on township property, we can coexist in peace and harmony no matter who we are or what we believe.”
– Norwich, Ontario Councillor Jim Scholten, who led the township in voting to ban pride flags on municipal property
Meanwhile, A Thousand Social Workers And Mental Health Experts Are Saying, “Put Us In, Coach!”
“Police forces are telling us recruitment can be challenging.”
– Premier Doug Ford on dropping the requirement that potential constables have a post-secondary education
We All Remember Nelson Mandela’s Sexual Assaults Of Women
And Jesus? Do I Have To Remind You Of The Violent Insurrection He Incited?
Historical Analogies Are So Useful!
“President Trump is joining some of the most incredible people in history being arrested today. Nelson Mandela was arrested, served time in prison. Jesus! Jesus was arrested and murdered by the Roman government. There have been many people throughout history that have been arrested and persecuted by radical, corrupt governments, and it’s beginning today in New York City.”
– Marjorie Taylor Greene
Of Course, After We Have Lowered The Standards, New Recruits Won’t Be Able To Find Their Asses With Maps, But…Uhh…Be Scared…Be Very…Umm, Yeah…
“Message for the criminals: we’re coming after you.”
– Toronto police superintendent Ron Taverner
I Trust You As Somebody Who In Five Years Will Be Completely Forgotten
“One of the first things you realize when you step outside the noise for a few days is how many genuinely nice people there are… The other thing you notice…is how unbelievably stupid most of the debates you see on television are. They’re completely irrelevant. They mean nothing. In five years we won’t even remember we heard them. Trust me, as somebody who participated.”
– Tucker “Je Ne Regrette Rien” Carlson
That’s Good, Because Amateurs Are Destroying The Porn Industry
“I was tired, the day had been long and the necessary wine had already been drunk… I don’t have the ambition to become a porn star at my age.”
– French novelist Michel Houellebecq, 67, in a failed legal bid to suppress footage of a porn film he agreed to star in
If The Largest Police Budget In The City’s History Doesn’t Make You Feel Safe…Make It Larger
“We can’t have anarchy in our cities. People have been scared to get on our subway, go walk down the street. If there’s more than one or two candidates who support our police, vote for them.”
– Ontario Premier Doug “I’m Going To Remain Neutral In The Toronto Mayoral Election” Ford
For One Thing, It Really Taxes Our Imaginations
“We have some culture warriors, but we have a lot more to do…. Conservatives and Republicans are tired of being the oppressed minority.”
– Ginni Thomas