Thank you, Eddie Adderoll and His Smooth Death Metalists, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, when Prince Charles was crowned King, there was so much sturm und drang und angst und…drangst felt by people who are offended that Canada is still attached to the British monarchy. Sure, he seems like a vaguely unpleasant person, and other members of the royal family seem positively bonkers. Still. Tradition. You have to make allowances for it.
But then we learned that Buckingham Palace released a special recipe to mark the occasion: a quiche filled with beans, spinach and tarragon. This made us want to scream, “Haven’t you heard? Real Kings don’t. Eat. QUICHE!”
Canada can’t become a constitutional republic fast enough!
Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff
Lefties May Have Had Their Own Objections, But Nobody In The Province Ever Paid Any Attention To Them
In a recently resurfaced clip, United Conservative Party leader Danielle Smith, who is in a neck-and-neck race to be the next Premier of Alberta, compared the majority of people in the province who were vaccinated for COVID-19 with followers of the Nazis, saying they had “succumbed to the charms of a tyrant.” The outrage which followed was palpable.
“Oh, come on!” complained Tyler Durden, a member of the Wild Rose Active Club, which is believed to be a neo-Nazi group based on Calgary. “I’ll be the first to admit that Hitler had his faults, but he never forced people to be vaccinated against a rampaging virus! That’s just inhumane!”
SOURCE: Bigots Without Borders
[http://www.bigotswithoutborders.org/]
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Just Be Thankful We’re Not Reporting On The UNREASONABLE Conclusions!
Four years and millions of dollars in the making, ladies and gentlemen, I give you: The Durham Report!
- No documented evidence of wrongdoing!
- No eyewitness reports of wrongdoing!
- No evidence that contradicts the conclusion of the FBI that Russia interfered in the 2020 election.
Obviously, the only reasonable conclusion that can come out of a reading of the report is that Adam Schiff must be thrown out of Congress.
SOURCE: Disassociated Press
[http://www.bltdaily.com/]
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Puny Genius!
Elon Musk
@elonmusk
I do not take my ideas from the herd, unlike so many people here before I took over. I am my own person and I only post thoughts that are completely my own. Isn’t that right, Marjorie?
Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene
@RepMTG
You go ahead and believe that if it makes you happy, Elon.
Elon Musk
@elonmusk
You see? Completely independent.
SOURCE: Ending Trending Web Site
[http://endingtrending.blurgh/oh-musk-we/]
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We Wanted The Headline To Read “A Salt And Battery,” But There Were No Sailors In The Article
Automaker Stellantis is threatening to pull its electric vehicle battery factory out of Ontario if the province doesn’t match subsidies introduced in the American Inflation Reduction Act. According to the Fraser Institute, this is corporate welfare at its worst; instead, the government should promote lower corporate tax rates and less regulation in order to attract more industry.
So, instead of putting up billions of dollars for a single company, the government should forego tens of billions of dollars from every company?
The Fraser Institute responded: this is just the sort of shallow economic analysis that is killing the world economy!
SOURCE: The Financial Riposte
[http://www.canada.com/national/nationalwhippingpost/financialriposte/story.html?id=59ddccd2-f6f3-7f7f-9f24-a2eb7cc6a428]
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Don’t Tell Them About The Last Spike – They’ll Probably Think It’s Something You Add To Punch Before You’re Grounded For Life
Pundits, mostly of the right-wing persuasion, are outraged that images such as that of Vimy Ridge are being removed from Canadian passports. The public, less so.
“There was an image of Vimy Ridge in the passport?” asked Virginia Kersnackety. “Wow – you really do learn something new every day.”
“Vimy Ridge?” asked Gerald Huffenpuffmann. “Is that, like, somewhere in Alberta?”
“Passport?” stated Rolph “The Irate Badger” Kloppenfield. “I haven’t been able to afford a trip out of the country in over thirty years! I…I’m touched that you’d think I need a passport!”
SOURCE: Festerin’ Report
[http://www.ax2grindnet.com/festerinreport/web/feature22222222222.html]
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E-yup
I Reckon The Country’s Got Four Or Five More Years Left In’er Afore She Implodes Into Anarchy
After months of pleading for more gun control measures, A Democrat who represents Uvalde, Texas, where 19 children died in a mass shooting, was told by the Republican leader of the State Senate to stop bringing up gun legislation or be barred from speaking at all. In Serbia, where guns are so prolific they are regularly a part of wedding and birthday celebrations, two mass shootings in two days have led to a reckoning about the role of firearms in the culture.
He [Governor Greg Abbott] said Texas was responding to the “dramatic increase in the amount of anger” across the United States by going to “its root cause, which is addressing the mental health problems behind it.” “Nobody needs guns; there’s just too much weapons in this country,” said Branka Mitrovic, 56, who was leaving a cemetery where five of the victims had just been buried.
SOURCE: 24 Hour News Mashups
[http://politicalmashups.seeblogspotrun.com/]
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You Marvel At The Silent Majesty Of Some Talking Heads, You Wish The Miranda Rights Would Be Read To Others
UNESCO has estimated that, due to rising sea levels caused by global climate change, the large rock heads on Easter Island will topple over by the year 2100.
According to Fox “News” anchorweasel Laura Ingraham, there’s no such thing as global warming, so if the heads topple, it will because they are tired. And really, after making tourists uncomfortable for thousands of years, they’ve earned their rest!
According to former President Donald Trump, who was voted Most Likely To Do Jail Time in his high school senior year, there’s no such thing as global warming, so if the heads topple, it will because they are drunk. And isn’t it just like inferior (TRANSLATION: non-American) masonry to get snozzled and fall over?
Not to be outdone, Florida Governor Ron “I Destroyed My State, Why Don’t You Give Me The Opportunity To See What I Can Do To The Entire Country! What Do You Mean, ‘For?’ That’s What I Said: For The Country! Jesus! Pay Attention, Will You” DeSantis claimed that, there’s no such thing as global warming, so if the heads topple, it will because they are high on Fentanyl. And the best thing we can do is let them drown, because their lives are basically over anyway.
Who says there isn’t a full and honest airing of differences within the Republican Party?
SOURCE: Earth Worst! Journal
[http://www.earthworstjournal.org/article.php?id=540]
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