UNNNGH! BOO!!! Root Causes Bad! Need More Police! Police Good! Police Solve Every Social Problem! GRRRRRR!!!!!
“It’s politically unpopular to tackle root causes of crime”
– Toronto Star
We Call Them UAPs (Unexplained Aerial Phenomena) Now
We Find That It’s A Lot Less Alieny
“UFOs expose gaps in surveillance
Object shot down over Lake Huron was first spotted in Alberta, officials say”
– Toronto Star
What’s The Point Of Having Them, Then?
“Next mayor must vow to not use strong powers”
– Toronto Star
Too Easy
“Trump era saw hot air, too”
– Toronto Sun
Compared To Ford, A Hunk Of Rotting Camembert Would Look Like A Good Mayor, Too
“Tory has been a good mayor”
– Toronto Star
Although They’ll Probably Pay Somebody To Fake It For Them
“Expert says CEOs need to show accountability”
– Toronto Star
SPEND MORE MONEY ON PUBLIC HEALTH CARE! IS THAT CLEAR ENOUGH FOR YOU? MORE MONEY ON PUBLIC HEALTH CARE!
“Ontario seeks ‘clarity’ on funding”
– Toronto Star
When Eli Roth Is Directing The Movie Of Your Life?
“When turning 18 is filled with dread”
– Toronto Star
Preferably Ones That Involve Six Figure Salaries
“‘It breaks my heart to leave’
Freshly departed mayor says he’ll be looking for other ways to contribute to the city”
– Toronto Star
You Were A Child Once – Surely, You Remember What It Was Like
“Wild Creatures Eat Strange Things”
– New York Times
Of Course, That Could Just Be One Of His GPs (Greenbelt Promises)…
“Ford staying out of race to replace Tory
Premier stresses that he would not repeal ‘strong mayor’ powers even if a ‘lefty’ elected”
– Toronto Star
If You Find Yourself Shouting For No Good Reason, IT’S THE BESHT!
“HERE’S HOW TO KNOW IF A WINE IS GOOD”
– Toronto Star
Unfortunately, It’s A Lot Harder To Combat With Air-to-air Missiles
“Ignorance a greater danger than balloons”
– Toronto Star
Although Republicans Would Prefer To Strikethrough The Idea
“Visit meant to underscore U.S. support”
– Toronto Star
That’s One Explanation For The Crisis In Our Schools, I Suppose
“‘People don’t react well to being lectured'”
– Toronto Star
Rebuild Police
“How to rebuild trust in policing”
– Toronto Star
Lobster Was Indignant, Claims Government Was Cancelling Him
“Federal employees reviewed lobster tweet prior to posting”
– Toronto Star
But…but…but The Industry Has A Plan To Deal With It On Their Own
All Their Ads Say So
“Oil patch pollution will be ‘forced’ to fall
Environment minister vows to push Canada’s fossil fuel industry to cut rising carbon emissions”
– Toronto Star
Really? If I Did That, I Would Be Paralyzed For Year – Ugh! Thanks, New York Times!
“Imagine Everything That Could Go Wrong”
– New York Times
By The Time We Left, On The Other Hand…
“Creature comforts
As the days unfolded, we saw pristine inlets and estuaries, places with zero evidence that human beings existed”
– Toronto Star
I Knew Food Inflation Was Bad, But I Never Thought It Would Cost So Much To Get A Bottle Of Coke!
“Brown charges $1,700 a pop to pay off debt”
– Toronto Star
It Has Already Announced A Fare Increase And Service Cuts
I Guess The Rule Of Three Required That It Treat Its Customers Like Criminals
“TTC to crack down on fare evasion
Agency eyes revenue from ticketing after pause for pandemic”
– Toronto Star
Is Anybody Surprised? They Made M&Ms and Mister Potatohead Partisan Issues!
“Biden urged to secure northern border
Republicans make Canadian frontier a partisan issue”
– Toronto Star
Parents Warned Children Bad Things Would Happen If They Didn’t Take Care Of Their Pets, But Did They Listen?
“Giant goldfish threaten native fish in B.C. lakes”
– Toronto Star
Because It’s So Fixated On The Past?
“Why You Can’t Predict The Future of Religion”
– New York Times
Success Is For The Weak
“Time running out for virtual ER visits
Successful program to lose provincial funding this month”
– Toronto Star
But You Try To Tell That To Some People…!
“Immigration a boon for Toronto
Report finds 230,000 newcomers made up for 69,000 people who left area”
– Toronto Star
They Will Be As Long As We Don’t Address The Root Causes Of Pover – UNNNGH! BOO!!! Root Causes Bad! ROOT CAUSES BAD!!!!!
“Food banks should not have to be a necessity”
– Toronto Star