Chapter One: The Battle of Finder’s Keep
1. The Daily Me – Giddy Flores
2. The Emperor’s New Nose
3. World of Wowcraft: The Battle of Finder’s Keep
4. What the Heck Do You Know? Is Concerned About The Value Of Its Retirement Account
5. The Adam Smith Chronicles: 1. Climate Change for a Dollar
6. Holocaust Denial Frequently Unasked Questions
7. Suppressing Voter Turnout for Dummies
8. Blow Your Own Cover
9. The Modern CEO Compensation Algorithm
10. Dogmatrix 95
11. The Changing of the Poodle
12. What the Heck Do You Know? Wonders Why It’s Bleeding Down There
Chapter Two: Atlas Shrugged, Then Kicked The Dirt With His Toe and Looked The Other Way, Embarrassed
13. The Daily Me – David Usupashvili
14. Atlas Shrugged, Then Kicked The Dirt With His Toe and Looked The Other Way, Embarrassed
15. What the Heck Do You Know? Doesn’t Like the Look of That Smell
16. Canada’s Boy Scout Knows the Value of Being Prepared
17. No Fun in the Fun Room
18. The Yummy Canadian Food Preparation Algorithm
19. A New Twist On The Spin Cycle
20. Hail Mary Recruiting
21. What the Heck Do You Know? Needs a Vacation
22. This 22 Minutes Feels Like An Hour
23. Understanding The Importance of Strawberries
24. Frequently Unasked Questions About Economic Genius
Chapter Three: Horoscopes For Those With No Future
25. The Daily Me – Olly Collyer
26. Big DICK Radio Eats Its Own
27. Frequently Unasked Questions About…World Tensions
28. Washington Is Burning
29. Spam Much?
30. AIPAC Of Lies
31. What the Heck Do You Know? Thought The Worst Was Over – Boy Was It Ever Wrong!
32. Personal Crosswords – Karl Rove
33. The Agony and the, Uhh, More Agony
34. What the Heck do You Know? Longs to Catch That Midnight Train to Georgia
35. The Panel Peruses the Polls
36. Horoscopes For Those With No Future
Chapter Four: All Anne Coulters Go to Heaven
37. The Daily Me – Harrison “Heavens To” Murgatroyd
38. The American Hot War Atrocities Public Relations Algorithm
39. What the Heck Do You Know? Is Proud To Have Been Arrested At An Anti-war Rally
40. I Miss Radio Sketch Comedy
41. The Panel Peruses the Polls (Again)
42. Time to Facebook the Music
43. What the Heck Do You Know? Hates Having To Hide Its Brains
44. All Anne Coulters Go to Heaven
45. May I Quote You?
46. Postmodern Visual Arts For Beginners
47. What the Heck Do You Know? Is Trying To Mind Its Own Business
48. Frequently Unasked Questions About the 2007 Ontario Election
Chapter Five: Poetry of the Penis
49. The Daily Me – Butt83Slutt
50. The Canadian Film and Television Tax Credit Allocation Algorithm
51. What the Heck Do you Know? Will Miss Honey Nut Cheerios When the Bees are Gone
52. Frequently Unasked Questions About…The American Mid-term Elections
53. Poetry of the Penis
54. Where’s Your Headline At?
55. What the Heck Do You Know? Can’t Get Enough O’ Conrad
56. Maximum Slappage
57. Frequently Unasked Questions – Bernier, Baby, Burn
58. The Attitude of Gratitude
59. What the Heck Do You Know? Has Left The Bildungsroman
60. The Daily Me – Wilhelmina Siprasoeuth
Chapter Six: Love Me! Love Me! Love Me!
61. The Daily Me – Hel the Demonic Homosapien
62. Love Me! Love Me! Love Me!
63. What the Heck Do You Know? Doesn’t Know, Either
64. Semidiotics: Lesson One: Introduction
65. Frequently Unasked Questions About Brian and Karlheinz
66. Notable Quotables
67. The Adam Smith Chronicles: 2. Bang on De Drum All Day
68. What the Heck Do You Know? Is Worried About The Courtney Love Produced Kurt Cobain Biopic, Too
69. Show Business’ Loss Is Mario’s Gain
70. Canon Fodder
71. What the Heck Do You Know? Has No Interest in Seeing Pictures of Miley Cyrus in Her Underwear
72. The Daily Me – Shivaram Parshuram Bhide
Chapter Seven: Standing On The Shoulders Of Pygmies
73. The Daily Me – Prabhakar Ragdoll
74. What the Heck Do You Know? Doesn’t Want To Live In A World Without Molly Ivins
75 Climbing That Hillary
76. Frequently Unasked Questions About a Nuclear Meltdown
77 Semidiotics: Lesson Two: Staying Ahead of the Euphemism Curve
78. What the Heck Do You Know? Wouldn’t Laugh If It Was You
79. The Bush Administration’s Crisis Management Algorithm 2: Memoirs
80. The Panel Ponders Pomposity
81. The China Doll Syndrome
82.Quoth The Maven, “Evermore!”
83. Standing On The Shoulders Of Pygmies
84. What the Heck Do You Know? Has Something Stuck In Its Teeth (Why Doesn’t Somebody Say Something?)
Chapter Eight: I Singh The Body Eccentric
85. The Daily Me – Little Neddie Seagoon
86. All The News You Need Can Be Found In Headlines
87. I Singh The Body Eccentric
88. What the Heck Do You Know? Will Honk At You Even Before the Light Turns Green
89. Semidiotics: Lesson Three: Subtext Creep
90. FUQed: Pakistan and Benazir Bhutto
91. Les Pages aux Folles – Yours To DisCover
92. The American Air War Publicity Combat Algorithm
93. Putting the Moan Back in Testimonial
94. What the Heck Do You Know? Lost Its Cartier Watch In A Fixed Poker Game
95. A Column About Nothing
96. The Daily Me – Carissa Steele
Chapter Nine: That Gift Horse Has Rotten Teeth
97. The Daily Me – Barracuda Spam Filter
98. The Internet Is Evil!
99. Personal Crosswords – Ed Hemmy
100. What the Heck Do You Know? Wants Antigravity Boots And It Wants Them Now!
101. Big DICK Radio Loves The Women (Maybe a Little Too Much)
102. Fighting Terrorism On the Home Front’s a Bitch
103. Frequently Unasked Questions About…The Quebec Nation
104. Cover Up, Or You’ll Catch Your Death!
105. My Big, Fat Geek Wedding
106. What the Heck Do You Know? Drinks to Forget
107. That Gift Horse Has Rotten Teeth
108. No Comment Quotes…With…Uhh…Comments
Chapter Ten: Now, Wait Just A Goldurn Second!
109. The Daily Me – Logan Nataraja
110. Frequently Unasked Questions About…The Chinese Market Catastrophe
111. Iggy Gets Wiggy At Home
112. Lawless and Orders
113. What the Heck Do You Know? Isn’t As Vulturish About The Culture As It Was When It Was Young
114. Conversations Overheard on an Anti-snitch Hotline
115. Tony Ampersand, Zombie Hunter
116. The Trouble With Relying On His Other Brain
117. What the Heck Do You Know? Enjoyed His Dark Materials
118. How Bullying Leads To Pack Journalism
119. Bootie on Duty
120. Now, Wait Just A Goldurn Second!
Chapter Eleven: When You Have Toronto All To Yourself
121. The Daily Me – Frances Halpert
122. What the Heck Do You Know? Forgets What All the Fuss Is About
123. Signs You’re Out Of Favour With Management #27
124. Say The Magic Words And Win $100 Million
125. Frequently Unasked (And Irrelevant) Questions
126. …In Bed With the Tories
127. What the Heck Do You Know? 4…3…2…1…PANIC!
128. Crier Me a River
129. The Tao of International Politics
130. Scooter Libby Trial FUQ
131. When You Have Toronto All To Yourself
132. What the Heck Do You Know? Realizes That It Is Long Past Time To Be Concerned About The Value Of Its Retirement Account
Chapter Twelve: Enter the Dragon*Con
133. The Daily Me – Hroswitha of Gandersheim
134. Les Pages aux Folles Redesign Frequently Unasked Questions
135. What the Heck Do You Know? Special Wordies Edition
136. Enter the Dragon*Con
137. Frequently Unasked Questions About…Paper Publication
138. The Naked Truth Just Got Uglier
139. What the Heck Do You Know? Was Cooler Than You In High School
140. Jennifer’s TIFF 2007 Brain Blorts
141. 500 Pools Full
142. Les Pages aux Folles Frequently Unasked Questions Lucky v13
143. I Don’t Do Vacations Well
144. (More) About The Author (Than You Could Ever Want To Know)