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24 Hour News Mashups

Democracy! On! The! March!
Unfortunately! In! The! Wrong! Direction!

Sometimes The Dots Connect Themselves
When He Realized That He Was Calling The Russian Foreign Minister A Liar, Carlson Spent Three Hours Watching The Rachel Maddow Show As Penance

Ad Meek

The Centre (Of The Universe) Cannot Hold
Supplies Of Our Children Are Limited, Too, So I Think I'm Going To Pass On Your Less Than Kind Offer
Two Roads Diverged In The Grey City
I Drove Down The One More Travelled
And That Made No Difference At All

When You Need Someone To Blame For Your Failing Marriage, Or The Soaring Price Of Vodka Or The Boring Oscar Ceremonies, Or...

Arad Post

Netanyahu Do You Think You Are?
Nostalgia For The Sixties...BC...

Asking for a Friend: Your source of Impertinent Questions for the New Millennium

Don't Be So Cynical
Thread And Needle Imports Were Down 1,237% Last Quarter

Hmm...Why Does Your "Friend" Sound Strangely Familiar?

The Baghdad Post

The Looser The Translation, The Tighter The Grip Of The State
Never Remember!
Saudi Arabia Wins American Election
You Say You Want To Occupy Other People's Land?
It's Your Funeral (Unless It's Theirs)

The Bible - The Continuing Story

Cohones...In The Biblical Sense

Bigots Without Borders

Don't Hate The Haters (Although It Would Be On Brand)

Bob's Penultimate Conspiracy Page

Conspiracy Theorist Is Such A Fraught Term - We Prefer To Be Called Truthspiracy Theorists

Business Law Daily

Intimidate HR? They usually RUN HR!
You Know What They Say About The Supreme Court: Don't Accept Your Nomination If You Don't Think You Can Hack It!

Canadian Depress

And When We Say Accessible To All, We Don't Include Homeless People
Where Are Explanatory Asterisks When You Need Them?

Of Course, Being Canadian, Three Year-olds Will Apologize For Throwing Mashed Cauliflower Au Gratin In Your Face
They Know The Kremlin Wants Democracy In Their Country To Be Finnished

CBBS News

Besides, The Boss Identifies With Him
Off The Cuff And Into The Gutter
The Texas Health Department Will Likely Recommend Breath Mints
You'll Wonder What The Endorse Meant...

C-DIK - Big Dick Radio

Morning Radio Gets To The (Warm) Heart Of The Matter

The Chronicle of Lower Education

If The Name Was Any Blander, It Could Be Used As A Dessert On An Airplane
This Is A Teachable Moment
Unfortunately, Nobody Can Agree On The Lesson, Or Even Who The Students Are

Clean Slate

Justice Is A Dish Best Served In A Restaurant In Another Country
Trump Thought Going To East Palestine Would Win Him Votes In The Evangelical Community
Geography May Not Be One Of His Strong Suits

Down to the Newswire

Florida Wasn't Exactly Robbing From Orphans And Widows, But It Was Morally Close
It Was So Very Close

Drew's Transcript-o-rama

Conservatives Hold The Key To The Safe...Space

The Dust Devil's Dictionary

I Think I've Mined That Word For All The Meaning I'm Going To Get Out Of It
L'chaimn!
Usually Followed By A Court Ordered Redisunprivileging

Earth Worst! Journal

The Future Is Nothing If Not Efficient
Outraged Republicans In Congress Vowed They Would Find Out Who Was Responsible For The Leak
They May Have Been A Bit Confused As To How To Best Apply THAT Stock Response

People Who Refuse To Believe In Climate Change Are Really Warming To The Idea...

Economics for Dummies

For The Sake Of Your Peace Of Mind, Don't Ask The Chief Twit About His Poll!
If The Dots Were Any Bigger, They'd Connect Themselves!
Venn Requiesce Elon In Pace

Entertainment for Dummies

#RepresentationSoComplicated
If You Can't Hear The Math, I Have A T-shirt I'd Like To Sell You...
We'll Always Have Paris...Ontario...

Entertainment Right Now, Canada

It's Enough To Give An Executive Of A Vast Media Conglomerate Grey Hair...Not That He Would Have To Fear Losing His Job Over It
The Response From The Canadian Government Was Just As Swift: It Established A Commission To Study The Impact Of The Statement

Everyday Racism

After A While, The Dog WhistlesAll Blend Together

Everyday Zen

A Lot Of People Would Be Willing To Overlook Political Contradictions For Enough Rice Pudding

Fashion Crimes TV

That Having Been Said, The Curve They're Behind Is Gorgeous!
...Bastards...

The Festerin' Report

Actually, Principles Are Easy To Stick With...When You Don't Have The Power To Act Upon Them
Although They Should Have Known That Even If The Woman's Gun Had Not Been A Prop, She Would Never Have Been Able To Hit Them With It
Premier Implies She Was Born Yesterday
Somebody Give Us Relief From Government Relief!

The Financial Riposte

As Opposed To Smith, Who Enjoys Giving Economists Outdated, Irrelevant Advice
Everybody Is Treated With Equal Malice:
Means Testing For The Poor
Meaningful Profits For The Wealthy
It's All Mean

Four If You Include The Diarrhetic Penguin
Georgia On My Never Mind
Icahn See For Miles
"They Remind Me Too Much Of Who I'm Becoming," He Didn't Have To Add
"We Can't Increase Production Because That Could Cut Into Our Future Profits," Executive Says
"Gee, If I Had Known How Much Fun Absolute Transparency Is, I Would Have Unshackled Our PR Firm Years Ago!"

Frank's Fourth In Line To Be The Ultimate Conspiracy Page

I Can Imagine That
Frankly, It Keeps Me Up At Night!

Gamer Bois Mag

Professor Willow Advises You To Walk Away From Your Cell Phone For A Few Minutes

Gerald's Next To Penultimate Conspiracy Page

I Would Rather Smell The Freedom Than Smell The Glove, But The Decision Wasn't As Easy As You Might Think...

The Hill You Die On

He Wanted To Star In A Luis Bunuel Film, But He Had To Go With The Living Director
It Could Be A Fitting End To a Hawley Terror
Senator's Shenanigans Giving You A Headache? Fortunately, There's A Pill For That...
Smart Money's On A Sock Puppet Named Mister Namaste's Sister
Then Again, Stupid Money's On Mister Namaste's Sister, Too
Should Make For An Interesting Vote...

"This Shows How Much George Has Grown In The Last Couple Of Months," McCarthy Responded. "Time Was That He Would Have Claimed He Was President!"
When The Freedom Caucus Becomes A Straitjacket, A Would-be Leader Must Deploy The Nuclear Option

Hypocrisy Watch

Projection - No Longer Just For Movie Theatres

The Inquiring National Star

The Heart Was Warned Not To Drink The Water, But Hydration Didn’t Seem To Be Its Major Priority
Shakespeare Was Right: Love Is A Many-convicted Thing
And Then We Thought: Better If We Don't Risk Thinking Out Loud - Our Co-workers Are Already Wary Of Us

The Irrational

It's A Trick Question: They Lost Their Souls When They Became Business Leaders
Loose Change
May I Be Candice With You?
Politician Fed Up With Being Kicked In The...Euphemisms

Jennifer's Brain Blorts

You Seem To Have Overlooked The Most Important Part Of The Experience: How Was The Popcorn?

Jimmy Kippel - Live! (On Tape Delay)

Come Off It, Ted! Big Bird Was Advising Children To Get Vaccinated When You Were Wasting Your Youth At Harvard Law School!
He Shouldn't Have Let His Legal Woes Fester
If He Behaves Himself, The Suspension Could Be Extended Another Decade
Old English Text MC Is The Most Deliquescent Gothic Type Face
The Period Between "Too Soon?" And "Oh, Yawn, Not Again!" Has Become Vanishingly Small
We're Talking Nanoseconds, He - Wait A Minute: Where Have I Heard That Before?

The Leek

Because Parody Is Protected Speech, That's Why

The Lefty Hipp-Starr Show

King Solomon He Ain't
And Remember: You Have No Right To Criticize The Outcome If You Don't Vote
Of Course, You Have No Right To Criticize The Outcome If You DO Vote, Either
Enjoy Your Freedom

The Legal Unintelligibler

And The Public Isn't Cheering For Any Of The Contestants
Iranian Mullahs Nodded Sombrely And Said, "Good Call."
It Was The Shortest Trial In The History Of The Country Fortunately For The Lawyers, There Are Always Appeals... Mmm...Chopped Liver
Don't Be Knocking Such A Delicious Forshpeis!

You Wonder Why Trust In The Supreme Court Is At An All Time Low? Perhaps It's In The Way They Make Monkeys Of Themselves...

Listen Up, Asshole!

Because Who Doesn't Enjoy A Good Dirty (Truth) Limerick?
If It Ain't Woke, Fix It!
Really? Are you Aware Of The Popularity Of Wartime Prime Ministers?

LotsMusic

The Glass Minajerie
He Probably Thinks He Has The Band On The Run
But He's Just A Rock And Roll Suicide

I'm Not Saying Live Music Is Pestilence's Best Friend, But They Do Drink At The Same Bar A Lot
Offence And Trump Go Hand In Glover
Rockin' In The Free World Has A Cost
There's A Joke About Black Balls Somewhere In This Mess, But I'm Not Going To Touch It!
Umm, I Mean Go Anywhere Near It!
I Mean, Eww!

They Could Release All Of Their Singles As A Charity Album
Too Bad They Couldn't Agree On What Cause To Support...

The Medical-Industrial Complex

Five Thousand Dollars Can Go A Long Way To Paying Your Annual Therapist's Fees
She Obviously Believes That Liberals Should Be Vaccine But Not Heard
This Is Why The United States Can't Have Nice Things

Michelle's Obscure Pedantry Page

It's A Flow That Makes Others See Red
You Don't Like The Pun?
I Iel Your Pain

Mike's Ultimate Conspiracy Page

Conspiracy Theorist Intent On Fishin' (Micro)chips

The National Whipping Post

Index All The Rage

Oaf Keepers Home

Good Concept, But Poor Technique - You're Not Going To Give Charles Boyer Much Competition

Old Comics

You Were Being Hyperbolic? THAT's Your Justification?
So, Let Me Get This Straight: You Think That Blacks Are Only Somewhat A Hate Group? Or That Whites Should Only Get A Few Feet Away From Black People, Rather Than Live In Their Own Separate Neighbourhoods?
Scott, That's A Rationale Only A Pointy-haired Boss Could Love
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Ottawa Stunned

Not The Hillier Most People Would Want To Die On

The Podunk Mash & Enquirer

It May Have Been Worth The Criminal Record: Ocasio-Cortez Makes A Damn Tasty Guacamole
Telecom Companies Heading Into Baby's Breath Force Winds
War Effort Nothing To Crow About

The Quick and the Detwiler

Does The Five Reallys Rule Come Into Effect If They're Spread Out Over 27 Years?
Fa La La La La La La La La No Longer Just A Christmas Tune
Let's Put "Cancel Culture" Back In Yogurt Where It Belongs!
Parents Should Lead By Example
But Not You, Ma'am, Or You, Sir, Or You, Or You...

Random Thought and Blood Clots

For That Matter, They Aren't Even Always Men
If You Look Around The Table And You Don't Know Who's Cheugy, It's Probably You
It's Amazon What Some Companies Think They Can Get Away With
It's Been That Kind Of Millennium...
I Wouldn't Put Too Much Into That Image; Sinema Will Share A Milkshake With Any Boy She Thinks Will Further Her Career
Not To Worry: Steve Bannon Will Be Judged (It Just Might Have To Wait Until He Stands Before Saint Peter)
Of Course It Was
And Mexico Paid For It

Religion for Dummies

Church and [Don't] State
They May Not Be Organized, But This Biblical Figure Sure Has A Lot Of Followers!
When Somebody Lies To You About Who They Really Are - RUN AWAY! GET AS FAR AWAY FROM THEM AS IS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

Saturday Night, Fevered

Convoy Vey!

The Schwartz Sports Report

Business Comes To The Fore
France Nodded Sagely And Poured Cabernet Sauvignon Into The Pot Containing The Fern That It Was Sitting Next To
The Pope Shouldn't Have Been Given A Ceremonial Headdress - He Should Have Been Given A Helmet And Knee And Elbow Pads!
There's Nothing Political About The Public Relations Team On The Approach To The Eighteenth Green Willing To Denounce Any Player Who Disparages The Kingdom
Nothing At All

Unless The Online Opinion Site's Idea Of "Great Exposure" Involves Acting In A Porn Film, In Which Case There Is Some Truth In Its Advertising

Scientific Canadian

Despite Its Rigorous Mathematical Modelling, Anus Physics Disgusts Most Researchers
Political Physicists Would Love To Study Him Under An Electron Microscope, But Avoiding Scrutiny Is The Point Of His Physical Condition
You Have To Have Good Aim To Win At Dart

The Smoking Gut

I Don't Know About My Children, But These Questions Sure Depress The Shit Out Of Me!
If The Alert Had Been Any More Vague, It Could Have Been A Liberal Press Release About Climate Change
I'm More Pro-active About The Future (I Do Wordle)
The Republican Indoctrination Colouring Book - Coming Soon To Better Right Wing Conspiracy Theory Web Pages And Chat Groups Near You!
(No, It Doesn't Come With Crayons. Buy Your Own! What Are You, A Communist? In This World, Nobody Gets Anything For Free!)

Set It To Images Of Pastures And Forests With Theremin Music In The Background And You'd Have A Pretty Darn Good Motivational Video
This Offer Will Self-destruct In Thirty Seconds
The Economy May Take A Little Longer

We Could Rotate Them Daily If We Had Enough Staff...

T-dot ts

If Only The People With The Least Knowledge Would Take The Path Of Least Resistance!
Let Us Be Charitable About How We Define Charity...
When Evaluating A Political Party's Platform, It's Important To Read The Back Of The T-shirt

This 22 Minutes Feels Like an Hour

Dad Might Not Be So Philosophical Once The Other Siblings Demand Raises In Their Allowances, Too
I'd Hate To Be Part Of THAT Family Meeting!

Even Mercator Maps?

Titters Comedy Club

Knock Knock
Who's There?
A Hundred Truckers Offended By You Sense Of Humour.
A Hundred Truckers Offended By My Sense Of Humour Wh – Oh...

New York Is No Norwegian Cruise Liner, But I Guess It Has Its Charms...
One Orders Water, The Other Something Ostentatiously Alcoholic
I Leave It To The Reader To Figure Out Which Is Which

Trial By No Trial - The Wisdom Is Positively Sufiyan!
Unintentional Comedy Can Be The Funniest...Although It Can Also Be The Most Painful
Let's Let The Voters Decide

When You Come From Privilege, The Soaring Cost Of Light Bulbs Seems Like Oppression
You Know Somebody's Not Doing It Right When Comedy Comes Down To Kill Or Be Killed

Toronto Startle

Not To Worry: Police Can Still Stop - Ahem - People Of Colour At Will
Why Quit When You've Got A Good Thing Going?

Take A Gander At What's Sauce For The Goose!
That's A...Very Specific Address...
There Are No Takebacksies In Baseball!
What Is In A Name?
A Violent White Supremacist By Any Other Name Would Still Smell Like A Rat

Where's Waldo?
And, What's His Bail This Time?

Toronto Stunned

But He Scurried With The Gravitas Due His High Office
Komer One, Komer All?
Vanity Fairer Than That

Truth Antisocial

New Platform, Same Old Narcissism

Tuckered Out Carlson, Tonight, Tomorrow Night and Forever

The Outrage Machine Has A Few Screws Loose (And Nobody Notices)

Ukrainian Foodies

All M&M Lives Matter
Hiring Looks Like A Sweet Heart Deal To Me

Ukrainian TV Guide

Did You Check Under The Sofa Cushions In The Living Room?
Obama Should Have No Problem Hosting A Children's Show: She's Had To Deal With Republicans For Over A Decade
Putting The "Eesh!" Back In Niche Programming
Television Screen
Confession Good For The Soul
Winter Will Be Long

To Underscore The Inhumanity, Each Refugee Was Given A Cruller When They Got Off The Plane
You Know What They Say About New York:
If You Can Persecute Them There, You Can Persecute Them Anywhere

Vancouver Stunned

In BC, Carding Takes On A Whole New Meaning

Wall Street Infernal

I Wonder How CEOs Like It When The Shoe Is On The Other Tentacle
QashQai May Not Be The Qash Qow The Company Was Hoping For
They Bitcoined Off More Than They Could Chew

The Wawaneesa Group Monthly Newsletter

And The Morale Of The Story Is...
Be Thankful You're Not A [INSERT NAME OF TARGETED GROUP HERE]!
Different Holiday, Same Party Game
Mostly, They Talked About Golf, With The Occasional Comment On The Evils Of Immigration
Pretty, Pretty Vacate
Some Games Get Old Real Fast

The Web Page of Lists

8. "So...Can You Believe How Many Idiots Have Gone Down The Rabbit Hole Of MAGA Conspiracy Theories?"
Be Sure To Niantic This One Off Your Bucket List
If You Can Read It On A Car, It Must Be True
Shhh!

Women's Wear Daily Worker

Duelling Dystopias Leave Many Depressed
Here, For Your Edumacation, Are Today's Top Market Musk Buys

Womyn's e-Vents

The Magic Mushrooms - It Had To Be The Magic Mushrooms
What Else Could Explain It?

Writer's Undigestible

I Prefer To Think Of Myself As A Thompson's Gazelle Of A Writer, But I Will Admit That I'm Not Sure Exactly How That Metaphor Maps

Wryerson Journalism Review

Framing Is Everything, As Anybody Who Has Ever Hung A Painting (Or A Traitor) Can Attest
Regular Fox News Viewers Didn't Think Anything Of The Splice
"I Was Once Videoing My Dog Rango Chasing Pigeons In The Park When I Caught Lief Erickson Complaining About The Food On His Ship!" One Commented. "Modern Cell Phones Do Some Freaky Shit!"

What A Missed Opportunity!
If They Had Just Put The Flaming Tree IN The Dumpster With The Network, Everybody Could Have Been Satisfied

Your Guide to Getting Jobbed

Asses Wanted (In A Variety Of Senses)