Thank you, Pollyanna Jorge, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, we melted. And we're not talking about our heart responding to a romantic moment - it was a full body melt. Our semi-liquefied condition had nothing to do with a song by Modern English. No, we had a Margaret Hamilton-level melting experience!
We weren't sure who to blame - we'll find somebody, don't you worry - but we were grateful that Global Climate Change was a hoax; at least we don't have to take any responsibility for phase-changing ourselves!
Enjoy,You'll Wonder What The Endorse Meant...
What does an endorsement from Donald Trump mean to Republicans running in primaries? If you're running in the Missouri Senate seat race, everything. And nothing.
Just days before the election, Trump told Fox News that he was "endorsing...that guy. You know the one I'm talking about - yeah, sure you do. That guy! That guy has done great things for the state, and will do great things if elected to the Senate in November. So, make sure you vote for that guy!"
Even Eric Poodlenoodle? "I've never heard of that guy," Trump responded, adding, "But I sure hope that guy wins"
Almost immediately, each of the 27 candidates in the race claimed they had Trump's endorsement. Even Janice "Hooya" Holleranat, who put out a campaign ad with the tag line: "She's not just one of the guys - she's that guy!"
The result was chaos worthy of Loki. Why would Trump want to do that to his own party? Far from being tired of winning (he hasn't had a win in a while), the former President was desperately longing for a victory in the worst way. (After all, everything Trump does is in the worst way.) What better way to ensure a win than to back every candidate?
SOURCE: CBBS News
[http://www.cbbsnews.com/stories/2022/08/01/election/main542815.shtml]
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Not To Worry - They'll Find A Way To Make A Profit On The Bootleg
Warner Brothers has announced that it will not be releasing Batgirl. The film was almost finished and had already cost the studio $90 million, but it will not be aired on HBO Max or any other streaming service.
The studio that foisted Suicide Squad and Justice League on an unsuspecting (not to mention undeserving) world won't release Batgirl? How bad must it be? We're going to have nightmares about it - we already know we are. DC! Release Batgirl immediately! If not for your corporate well-being, so we can get a decent night's sleep!
SOURCE: Imaginary Movie Database
[http://www.imd.com/title/tt0278380/]
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Hippocrates Shrugged
Ronny JacksonI will NEVER give up my firearms. I will NEVER surrender my AR-15. If Democrats want to push an insane gun-grab, they can COME AND TAKE IT!
SOURCE: Ending Trending Web Site
[http://endingtrending.blurgh/former-white-house-doctor-goes-full-magat/]
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When You've Testified At As Many Trials As King Has, Prosecutors Tend To Give You Free Rein To Say What You Want
Stephen King, author of a gazillion best-selling books (including a few really good ones), took the stand at a federal anti-trust trial to explain why allowing the merger of Penguin Random House and Simon & Schuster would further destroy the independent publishing scene.
His testimony started with a boffo premise, but quickly got bogged down in digressions. He droned on using basic language, only occasionally turning an arresting phrase that grabbed the attention of viewers. Where the testimony should have galloped, it meandered at a leisurely place.
All in all, King's testimony could have used a good editor!
SOURCE: Unread Book News
[http://217.204.44.97/cgi/NGoto/2/64382861?3518]
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Jonesin' For Justice
The accidental release of the contents of his phone for the past two years showed that Alex Jones was technically correct when he said he should not be made to pay a lot of money to parents of children who died at Sandy Hook Elementary School because his InfoWars podcast did not make more money than God. It did show, however, that he did make more money than all of the cherubim combined and most of the angels individually.
When confronted with the contradiction on the stand at his defamation suit, Jones shrugged and said, "What can I tell you? I was never a particularly religious man."
The contents of Jones' phone are a hot commodity. The January 6 Committee would like to see them because they may shed some light on what was being communicated with the White House before, during and after the insurrection (now that the Secret Service has accidentally lost its communications during this period...and the Department of Homeland Security...and the Pentagon...and other branches of the security apparatus to be named at a later date). Jones' ex-wife would like to have them to prove that he lied about his net worth in their divorce proceedings. And of course, Trevor Noah would like them for their entertainment value.
SOURCE: Disassociated Press
[http://www.bltdaily.com/]
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She'll Always Be Among The Brightest Stars
At the age of 89, television star and pioneering rights activist Nichelle Nichols has stopped living long and prospering.
SOURCE: Obits 'R Us
[http://www.king.ids.net/~bdlm/obits_r_us.html]
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The Principle Of Holding Their Breath Until They Get Their Way
After originally voting for the People Acting Compassionately Towards [Veterans] Act, last week Senate Republicans refused to give it the 60 votes it would need to pass. Why would they do that?
"It was a matter of principle," Senate Minority Turtle Leader Mitch McConnell explained.
The principle that the Democrats assured the Republicans it wasn't going to pass the CHIPS Act before announcing a blockbuster reconciliation deal with Joe Manchin, then went ahead with CHIPS anyway, and that's the sort of manipulation that the Republicans are used to using to get their way?
"You know us so well." the Minority Turtle Leader said with a wink. Or possibly he got some dust in his eye. Do turtles have eyelids?
This week, the Republicans reversed their reversal, voting to accept the PACT Act. Why would they do that?
"It was a matter of principle," Minority Turtle Leader McConnell re-explained. "A different principle, as it happens, but a principle nonetheless."
The principle that the public was starting to believe that Republicans were happy to refuse American war veterans resources that might help ease the suffering of their hideous deaths from medical conditions caused by their service, and, oddly enough, this was not a good look for the party going into the mid-terms?
"When you say it like that," the Minority Turtle Leader said with a shudder, "it sounds pretty awful. Could you try saying it again, but this time in a high tenor?"
SOURCE: Cleveland Wheeler Dealer
[http://www.cleveland.ca/enter/index.ssf?/living/wheelerdealer/index.ssf%3fu/base/news/1298749830263742.xml]
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