Thank you, And, This Army, Pal! And, This Army!, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, we noticed that nobody says any more anymore. What's up with that? Or, is it: what's upwith that? Or, even: what'sup withthat? When you start combining words, thesky'sthelimit! Has life really spedup to such a degree that we can nolonger afford spaces between all of our words? Everything in English has gone all hurly burly, topsy turvy! You can't just combinewords whenever you feellike it. Thatway leads anarchy! And, haven't we seen toomuch anarchy in the lastfew years? Haven'twe?
Enjoy,Reading The Room Has Never Been So Literal
It has been suggested that some of the Senators who should be paying attention to the arguments being made by the House Managers in the impeachment trial of former President Donald Trump have been using their time in other pursuits. Filing their nails. Playing Pokemon Go-Kart. Reading novels. We cannot comment on the state of their nails or why they'll never get beyond level 36 of PG-K, but we do have a list of novels that we think would be worth their time.
1. Where the Wild Things Are, by Maurice SendakSOURCE: Unread Book News
[http://217.204.44.83/cgi/NGoto/2/64382861?3518]
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If You Don't Understand, Ask One Of Your Parents' Nerdy Friends
Stage and screen star Christopher Plummer has died at the age of 81. Of course, you haven't seen him perform Shakespeare until you've seen him perform it in the original Klingon.
SOURCE: Obits 'R Us
[http://www.king.ids.net/~bdlm/obits_r_us.html]
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Today, We Are Confusing
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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Sisters Are Doing It To Each Other
SOURCE: Ending Trending Web Site
[http://endingtrending.blurgh/mace-always-gives-me-gas/]
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QashQai May Not Be The Qash Qow The Company Was Hoping For
Nissan has just released a car it calls the QashQai - do you think the automotive company is having second thoughts about the name of its new vehicle in light of the events of January 6? Sure, they will probably see sales to far right conspiracy theorists increase, especially if the car comes with a large Q hood ornament. Unfortunately for the company, many of those people won't be needing a vehicle while they serve out their prison sentences, so many of those sales could be returned. And, it will almost certainly lose Jewish customers. And, customers of colour. And, customers with a conscience.
Nissan gets points for opening a new market. But, it loses points, lots of points, for a branding qatastrophe.
SOURCE: Wall Street Infernal
[http://online.wsi.com/article/0,,SB113413397491118404,00.html?mod=home_whats_new_which_u]
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Obama Should Have No Problem Hosting A Children's Show: She's Had To Deal With Republicans For Over A Decade
Michelle Obama is teaming up with Netflix for a new children's show called Waffles + Mochi. The show is about two puppets who learn how to cook fresh food with the help of Obama and a magical flying shopping cart.
"What a horrible lesson she'll be teaching our children!" complained Senator Ted Cruz. "Dumboprats want young people to think that food just magically appears without anybody having to work for it!"
SOURCE: Ukrainian TV Guide
[http://www.tvguide.ua/listings/index.asp?referrerID=0&returnurl=%2Flistings%2Findex%2Easp%3F®Mode=0]
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This Album Doesn't Just Cross Over: It Obliterates The Line Completely!
Country singer Morgan Wallen's second release, Dangerous: The Double Album, has retained top spot on Billboard's all-genre albums chart, despite the fact that he had to apologize last week for a video in which he said, "Take care of this p*ssy-*ss m*therf*ker...take care of this p*ssy-*ss n*gger."
Billboard's editorial director suggested that Wallen's fans are streaming his music more because they cannot hear him on the radio. It could be, though, that after seeing the video, a lot of young people are mistaking him for a rapper. To determine which factor had more of an effect on sales, we would have to ask: how many of his sales are being made to white teenage boys in the suburbs?
SOURCE: Entertainment Right Now
[http://www.entertainmentrightnow.com/mini/smug2021/2021/02/09/wallenwallowininit/]
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The Electorate Needs To Be Softened With The Tenderizer Of Financial Need First
SOURCE: Billy-Bob's International House O' Headlines
[http://www.com/lol.pdqfc.wwygw.wyswyg/fid=1570043038]
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Canada's three major telecom companies - Bell, Rogers and Telos, have given shareholders at least $5.5 billion in dividends while accepting more than $240 million in federal pandemic support. When they asked for help from the Canadian Emergency Wage Subsidy, what should the government's response have been?
"This call may be recorded for moral reconsideration. Your call is important to us. Please stay on the line. An operator will be with just as soon as hell freezes over. If you would like to fill out a survey on corporate greed, press one. If you would like to fill out a different survey on corporate greed, press two. If you would like to continue listening to the mellow sounds of a metalworking shop, please stay on the line..."
SOURCE: The Financial Riposte
[http://www.canada.com/national/nationalwhippingpost/financialriposte/story.html?id=49ddccd7-f6f3-4f4f-9f25-a2eb4cc6a528]
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