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Enjoy,By Their Friends Ye Shall Know Them...
ACTION ALERT: Canadian Religious Bigotry Under Attack!
Canada's top Catholic Cardinal has said that religious leaders in that country will not be able to express their condemnation of homosexuality if the recently passed law legalizing gay marriage is not immediately repealed.
If you believe, as we do, that this is an attack on freedom of speech and freedom of religion, please join us in our Pro-Anti-Gay Rally on Parliament Hill on July 30, 2005. Buses will be leaving from New York, Detroit and Buffalo early in the morning, converging on Ottawa some time in the afternoon. People with bullhorns will be exhorting followers to shout slogans like "Faggot, faggot, you're a maggot!" and "Burn in Hell! Burn in Hell!" And, of course, there will be cake and balloons for the children.
We are also taking contributions for our "Free Cardinal Ouellet" Fund. Cardinal Ouellet has been telling every journalist who will listen to him that his freedom of speech is under attack. We mustn't be deterred from defending his First Amendment rights just because Canada isn't actually ruled by the American Constitution. Please give, give with all your hearts, so that Cardinal Ouellet can freely tell fags how much God hates them!
With your help, we can nip tolerance in Canada in the bud.
SOURCE: Bigots Without Borders
I. P. Nightly - Not Just A Juvenile Joke Any More
After a bookstore in Vancouver accidentally sold 14 copies of J. K. Rowling's latest book, Harry Potter and the Half-blood Prince, before it went on sale, the publisher asked for and was given a court injunction forbidding people who bought it to read it. Why didn't Rowling ensure that the books were safely returned to the store and all memory of their contents erased? Wand in the shop?
SOURCE: Entertainment Right Now
Progress...On A Geological Scale
"I recognize that the surface of the Earth is warmer and that an increase in greenhouse gases caused by humans is contributing to the problem," said United States President George W. Bush, "I'm still not going to do anything about it, but I sure am glad we cleared that up."
SOURCE: The Postington Wash
You Don't Have To Be On Your Knees To Grovel
Transcript of a press conference held by United States President George W. Bush and British Prime Minister Tony Blair.
JOURNALIST: Mister President, despite Britain's unwavering support for the Iraq war, you have conceded nothing on climate change or helping the world's poor, two issues dear to our Prime Minister's heart. Isn't that a little unsporting?
BUSH: Well, you know, the British agreed to support the war on Iraq because it was the right thing to do. They weren't expecting any payback for the help.
BLAIR: (under his breath) Well, maybe just a little payback.
BUSH: Because the right thing to do is its own reward.
BLAIR: That doesn't mean we wouldn't like to get other rewards.
BUSH: And my, my good friend Toby understands that.
BLAIR: (audible sigh)
SOURCE: Drew's Transcript-o-rama
Crocodiles On Line Three, Mister Ebbers - They Want Their Tears Back
Former WorldCom CEO Bernard Ebbers wept openly when he was sentenced to 25 years in prison for his part in the largest accounting fraud in United States history. "This is what drug dealers get," he sobbed. "They're comparing me to the kid on the street corner selling crack?"
Actually, Bernie, your sentence amounts to a year for every hundred or so people who lost their livelihoods or life savings when WorldCom collapsed. Drug dealers can only look on in envy at the human destruction!
SOURCE: Karl's Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism
If Canada Wasn't A Terrorist Target Before...
We must root out "detestable murderers and scumbags" in Afghanistan says General Rick Hillier. The chief of defence staff added: "I'll tell you right up front: they detest our freedoms. They detest our societies. They detest our liberties."
Boy, somebody sure overdosed on his American testosterone pills...
SOURCE: Toronto Startle
Nothing Up His Sleeve My Ass! He Knows How To Plame An Ace!
Welcome to the show! I'm John Tudor. You like the new set? Nine ninety-five at Wal-Mart. Now, some people have complained of hallucinations and psychotic episodes after watching the show. That's not the new set, people, that's just a reasonable reaction to the news.
News like the grand jury investigation into the leaking of the name of CIA agent Valerie Plame. According to somebody who heard his testimony, Carl Rove claims that he was told about Plame's identity by a journalist, and Rove is just such a naturally effusive person that he had to pass on the information to other journalists. Some people just can't keep a secret. Now, who would benefit from such a leak from the secret grand jury hearings? Hmm...I wonder. Well, no point in speculating: if it was Rove himself, we won't find out about it for at least two years.
SOURCE: The Day To Day Show, with Jon Tudor
But, Never Boring
Satanic animal sacrifices in the Oval Office intended to make the Whitewater investigation magically go away. Forcing Chelsea into prostitution in order to pay for her mother's campaign for a New York Senate seat. Torturing small Republicans for fun.
The problem with Edward Klein's recent book on Hillary Clinton, The Truth About Hillary, is that there's just nothing new in it!
SOURCE: Unread Book News
Not Good Enow
On July 15, the National Hockey League Players Association came to an agreement with the league's owners that will end the hockey lockout...just in time for the playoffs. What will the player's get for the year-long strike action?
1. Mints to be placed in players' lockers after every away game.What did they lose?
1. Over a billion dollars in salaries.Sure seems worth it, doesn't it?
SOURCE: The Schwartz Sports Report