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Enjoy,Dialogue Of The Dumb
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
When Life Gives You Lemons, Sell Out As Fast As You Can
"Mmm...this is pretty good lemonade, kid."
"Thanks, Lord Black."
"How much for the stand?"
"What?"
"I don't like to dicker. I'll offer you a million dollars to walk away from the lemonade stand - take it or leave it."
"But -"
"Okay, and stock options."
"But, Lord Black, you know that the Ontario Securities Commission says that you're not fit to direct a company while you're under investigation."
"Okay, make it two million and we'll install you as President and CEO as long as you understand that, as the only shareholder, I call all the shots. I'll be a silent partner...oh, don't look at me like that. I can be silent if I have to!"
SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles
Julie Andrews She Ain't
Here are some of Gisele Frump's favourite New York things:
Breakfast: the scrambled eggs in the dumpster behind Tony Spicoli's on West 57th Street. "They're made fresh, not powdered, and if you get there early enough in the morning, they're right at the top of the garbage, so you don't have to pick out coffee grinds and stuff."
Water: Turtle Pond in Central Park. "Not too brackish, with just a hint of lemon. You just have to convince security that you're not planning on bathing in it!"
Takeout: Hell's Soup Kitchen. "They hardly preach at you at all."
Car service: St. John's Ambulance Service. "They get you around fast, boy howdy!"
Shoe repair: "Are you mental? I been wearing these shoes since Taft was President!"
Couture dry cleaner: The East River. "No. Wait. Dry cleaning? Seriously, are you mental? Gimme a rock and some water, and I'm good."
Escape route: "I'm not telling you that! What do you think I am, crazy or something?"
SOURCE: Vitals Homeless Woman
You Didn't Hear This From Me...At Least, Until The Subpoena Arrives
Judith Miller has been jailed for refusing to identify a confidential source to a grand jury investigating a suspected leak by White House officials of the name of a CIA undercover agent. "Anybody who believes that the government and other powerful institutions should be closely and aggressively watched should feel a chill up their spine today," New York Times executive editor Bill Keller commented.
Well...
I might be more sympathetic if Miller hadn't closely parroted the Bush administration line and aggressively avoided anything resembling real investigative journalism. One has to have a spine to feel a chill up it, and George's Stenographer could never be accused of that.
Still...
I suppose bad journalists need to be protected as much as good ones. The US needs a shield law for journalists. Yeah. That's it. A shield law. I guess.
SOURCE: Wryerson Journalism Review
Just Another Drive By Mars Shooting
The Martian landing that President George W. Bush envisioned 15 years ago is, tragically, not going to happen. Martian spacecraft USS Boondoggle will miss the red planet by about 11,000 miles and end up drifting out into space with no hope of rescuing the astronauts inside it.
"I guess when President Bush was committing us to landing a man on Mars by 2020," NASA stated, "he should have committed us to teaching better math skills in high schools, too."
SOURCE: Alternate Reality News Service
On The Ocean, No One Can Hear You Scream
Information long circulating that Americans were holding war-on-terror prisoners on prison ships (or possibly just U.S. Navy ships) floating off the coast have begun to surface more insistently.
Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld's response? "Actually, that sounds rather nice - I could use a vacation." When pressed by reporters on the illegality of such ships, he snapped: "You're just jealous that terrorists get to see more of the world than you do. Well, you can just blame the cheapness of your producers and editors, not the American government."
SOURCE: The Postington Wash
Bush's Brain Has An Aneurysm
Karl Rove's lawyer has confirmed that President Bush's right hand man was a source (on double super secret background - what are these people, 12 years old?) for articles which identified Valerie Plame as a CIA agent. "I didn't know her name. I didn't leak her name," Rove told CNN last year when asked if he had anything to do with the Plame leak. However, he did refer to Joseph Wilson's wife, and, unless Wilson was secretly a Mormon, there could only be one conclusion reporters could come to.
Would anybody like to debate the meaning of the word "leak?" Or, for that matter, the word "I?" Sounds like Clinton all over again...minus the Republican outrage.
"It's not treason," Rove argued, "because it was in support of the government." When it was pointed out to him that treason is actually action against the nation, not necessarily a specific government, he blinked several times and asked, "There's a difference?"
Las Vegas bookies now have Rove as a longshot to be tried for treason at 100-1 against, but this is down from 100,000-1 a mere two days ago. The odds might have been lower, but Rove scheduled the announcement on a Sunday, when most reporters were watching football, and at a time when the press was focused on the London terror attack and a devastating hurricane. When the press gets around to reporting on the story in a few days, expect the White House to dismiss it as old news, and if that doesn't work, to say attacks on Rove play into the hands of terrorists and show lack of support for the troops in Iraq.
Anybody want to start a pool on when Rove will be forced to resign?
SOURCE: The Day To Day Show, with Jon Tudor
Still Not Getting It
Independent MP Chuck Cadman has died after a two year battle with skin cancer. Rumour has it that aides had to spend six hours explaining to Conservative Party leader Stephen Harper why recalling Parliament to have a non-confidence vote would be a bad idea.
SOURCE: The National Whipping Post
Winning's Just A State Of Mind
President George W. Bush explains the current state of the war in Iraq:
Conditions in Iraq are steadily improving. September 11 and terrorists! No more American troops. Terrorists like those of 9/11. No timetable for pulling out of the country. 9/11! 9/11! 9/11! Thank you very much.
SOURCE: Politics For Dummies