The Daily Me - Olga Prychodko

An organization calling itself the United Kingdom Anarchist Convention (UKAC) has petitioned the European Union to regulate the movement of anarchist graffiti artists into the UK. UKAC spokesman Erik Tiddly claimed that foreign artists were not properly rendering the anarchist symbol and were, thus, diluting the power of the movement.

Anarchy Symbol: UKAC approved (left) and rejected (right).

The European Union is rumoured to be planning on setting up a commission to study the complaint.

SOURCE: Glob and Maul

The People's Choice Awards have added new categories to their forthcoming show. Regular people (that means you) will now be able to vote on such things as "best cleavage, female," "best cleavage, male," "best female ass in a starring role," "best male ass in a starring role," "best female ass in a supporting role," "best male ass in a supporting role," and, inexplicably, "best German Shepherd." Voting will be done online, although there is no word, as of yet, on how the People's Choice awards will ensure that the voting is fair, so that, for instance, Jennifer Lopez' ass won't go back online and repeatedly vote for itself.

SOURCE: Entertainment Right Now

The United States is sending 12,000 additional troops to Iraq in anticipation of its January election. They will be made up mostly of Civil War veterans and Wal-Mart greeters, who, among their other advantages, will be able to bring their own uniforms. Something of a mixed message, though, to those who are looking for clues as to what the Bush administration thinks will happen after the election...

SOURCE: The Postington Wash

More than 50 inflatable SpongeBob SquarePants figures have disappeared from the tops of Burger King restaurants. Foul play is suspected, but an obvious theory has been overlooked: that SpongeBob, conflicted over shilling for an American fast food company when his true loyalty is to the Krusty Krab, has returned to Bikini Bottom for psychiatric treatment.

SOURCE: The Amazing Chocolate Yummies Blog

Department of Health and Human Services Secretary Tommy Thompson resigned on Friday, saying, "I, for the life of me, cannot understand why the terrorists have not attacked our food supply, because it is so easy to do. And we're importing a lot of food from the Middle East, and it would be easy to tamper with that." Fortunately, Secret Service officers tackled Thompson and wrestled him to the ground before he offered maps to where the food was kept and flight plans of the planes transporting it. Just one more example of the smooth transition to President Bush's second term.

SOURCE: Disassociated Press

So, like, this suit sends me an email asking if I would promote his product on my blog. As if! Pompous old Vice President of Public Relations and Promotional Invitations, that's not how it works: if I took money and talked about how wonderful your products were, it would be, like, an instant total credibility killer. I couldn't ever show my face in Blogistan again!

I don't even like Drekkin' Donuts! It's the chemical taste - not subtle! I don't know, though. Maybe they've changed the recipe. I tried one out of the complimentary box the company sent me - a chocolate glazed coconut cruller - and it wasn't as bad as I remembered. So, I tried another one - some maple almond orangey thing - and, it was actually pretty good. They've definitely worked out that little chemical problem.

So, yeah, I guess I would recommend Drekkin' Donuts - they're kind of tasty. But, not because you're giving me a ton of money (cause it ain't that much), Mister Vice President man. Just because they no longer suck.

SOURCE: Jennifer's Brain Blorts

The first snowfall of the year has taken its toll on the city. Clearly, the annual Seasonal Weather Amnesia is in full effect. Stunned Torontonians wandered around the downtown core mumbling to themselves, "What is this wet, white substance that falls from the sky?" People in cars looked out their windows and wondered, "Should I change my driving style to accommodate this odd, completely unexpected new condition? No, I don't think I - oh, hello, mister tree." Of course, those of us who didn't spend the night in the drunk tank looked out our windows the next morning and said, "Oh, yeah. Snow. I guess it really is winter."

SOURCE: aye Weakly

American army deserter Jeremy Hinzman is seeking refugee status in Canada, claiming to be a conscientious objector to the war in Iraq. Those who oppose his application point out that he volunteered for the army and must have known what he was getting himself into. Of course, if he had sought entrance to Canada as a Romanian stripper, he would have had a much stronger case.

And, speaking of foreign adventures: to drum up support for the war in Iraq on his brief visit to Canada, US President George W. Bush quoted William Lyon Mackenzie King, who said, "Mother? Is that you, mother? We had to give Pat a taste of Scotch for his heart last night. It did the dog's heart go - what? Laurier? Is that you, Laurier? Oh, for goodness' sake - I'm trying to talk to my dead mother, would you please get out of the ether!" How this is supposed to make the war in Iraq more palatable to Canadians is, uhh, still being debated.

SOURCE: Toronto Startle

A British court has ruled against the Daily Semaphore in a libel suit brought against it by MP George Galloway. The ruling comes in the wake of a series of articles in which Semaphore journalists reported that Galloway gave oral sex to Saddam Hussein in return for speaking out in Parliament against the war on Iraq. In addition, we asserted that he would frequently watch Hussein have sex with goats and other barnyard animals.

At first sight, the judgment calls into serious question whether the doctrine of freedom of expression affords newspapers the real protection which, in recent years, it had been assumed that they enjoyed when reporting matters of public concern. For, frankly, if we cannot exaggerate arguments and fudge facts in order to sell more newspapers, the British public will suffer. If this judgment is allowed to stand, it is, indeed, a sad day for tabloid journalism.

SOURCE: Daily Semaphore

SOURCE: Billy-Bob's International House O' Headlines