Cynicism Is The Four Lane Express Feeder Highway To Hypocrisy
Last week’s question (“Who is more cynical: President George Bush for exploiting fear of Arabs – except when they are economically beneficial to the United States – or Republican Senators for using the Dubai Ports deal to distance themselves from a President whose popularity is sinking fast?) generated a lot of comments. “A pox on both their houses!” stated Ani de Bani of No Fixed Address, South Dakota. She was immediately taken in for questioning in the still unsolved anthrax case, and nobody in her neighbourhood expects to hear from her again.
“You gotta support the President in times of war,” said Cameron de Banzai of Trenton, Alaska. “Whoop whoop whoop! Go fighting aardvarks!” He was immediately taken in for questioning on suspicion that the phrase “Go fighting aardvarks!” was really code for “The show bombs go off at midnight!”
Oddly enough, nobody seemed to want to answer our question after that.
THIS WEEK’S QUESTION: Who is more cynical: former Canadian Prime Minister Paul Martin for sending Canadian troops to Afghanistan to mollify American President George W. Bush for Canada’s lack of support for the Iraq war, or current Prime Minister Stephen Harper for his opportunistic, jingoistic speeches to Canadian troops in Kandahar?
SOURCE: Hypocrisy Watch
The Right To Life Only Seems To Belong To Those Who Don’t Actually Have One
Emboldened by recent moves to ban abortion, the South Dakota legislature has outlawed masturbation. “If a man…does…you know…that act – he is killing sperm,” South Dakotian…err, South Dakotious – that is, Senator Eugene Ginormous from South Dakota explained. “And, as every schoolchild knows, sperm are ‘potential human lives,’ and should be accorded the same rights as a full adult.
“As for women masturbating,” Senator Ginormous added, “well, that’s just sick!”
SOURCE: Cleveland Wheeler Dealer
Closing The Barn Door After The Horse Has Been Arrested For Being A Member Of A Terrorist Organization
Now that Canadian troops have dug in in Afghanistan, it’s time that Prime Minister Stephen Harper allow Parliament to have its say on the matter.
After all, the American Congress had a meaningless pretense of a debate after it invaded Afghanistan. If the United States can have a pointless sham discussion of a fait accompli, surely Canada can, too.
Harper owes the Canadian people that much.
SOURCE: Glob and Maul
Ho Hum
SOURCE: Billy-Bob’s International House O’ Headlines
Cabinet Solidarity Does Not Mean Solid Oak Between The Ears
A man walks into a bar. Scoping out the people in the place, he notices a beautiful brunette sitting alone at the bar, nursing a drink. He walks up to her.
“I don’t remember seeing you here before,” he says. “Come here often?”
“I…uhh, I don’t think I can answer that,” the woman replies.
Undaunted, the man continues: “Yeah, the question was kind of vague. You like this kind of music?”
“I…I really can’t say.”
“What you drinking?”
“I’m not allowed to tell.”
“Okay. My name’s Jim. What’s your name?”
“I can’t…”
“You’re a Conservative MP, aren’t you?”
The woman lets out a sigh of relief. “That’s right.”
“Tell you what. I’ll fax my questions to the Prime Minister’s Office, and they can let you know which ones you’ll be allowed to answer. Okay?”
The woman looks around, and, when satisfied that nobody is listening, says, “Thanks.”
SOURCE: Titters Comedy Club
Sounds Naughtier Than It Actually Is
In Premature Launch, Matthew McConaughey plays a 35 year-old man who leaves his extended family, much to the sorrow of his parents, grandparents, brother, sister, two aunts and an uncle. In desperation, they turn to Sarah Jessica Parker, a woman whose business is to convince stray children to return to their family.
In his review of Premature Launch, Roger Ebert of the Harare Sun-Times said that the film was “poorly acted, with no chemistry between the leads. But, perhaps most offensively, it takes a legitimate social issue – the breakdown of the extended family – the family unit that has been the bedrock of social stability since man descended from the apes – and turns it into weak farce.”
SOURCE: Imaginary Movie Database
Let Your Heart Bleed On Someone Else’s Desk
Yeah, yeah, so Canadian troops in Afghanistan killed a civilian. Oh, boo freaking hoo. They’ve been in country for seven months. American troops started killing civilians the moment they entered the country at the start of the war. And, we killed thousands of them since then.
You wanna be part of the big time, Canada? You wanna wage war with the grownups? You gotta kill more civilians faster.
SOURCE: The O’Meilly Factor
Deaf, Dumb And Blind Trust
square root of -1) David Emerson, not content with an investigation of the ethics of his move from Liberal to Conservative two weeks after the federal election in exchange for a Cabinet seat, is now the subject of a new complaint to the Ethics Commissioner. In his position as Trade Minister, he is responsible for negotiating Canada’s lumber dispute with the United States, but he still gets a $167,000 pension from lumber company Canfor Corporation. What does Emerson have to do to lose Conservative leader Stephen Harper’s support?
b) chawk loogies into his beer
c) run in next year’s election as a New Democrat
SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles
An Idea So Crazy It Just Might Wor…Naah!
Q: How did the United States try to lessen the tensions in Iraq that seem to be the start of a civil war?
A: It conducted its biggest bombing raids in two years.
Q: How is that going to help avert civil war?
A: It reminds the Sunnis, Shiites and Kurds that their common enemy is the United States.
SOURCE: Politics For Dummies
