Thank you, Janelle “Momentum” Mori, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Today, we’d like to introduce our readers to Max. We’re, uhh, not exactly sure what his last name is. We’re not sure what he does, exactly, either. In fact, we’re not sure he does anything. Max came with the building; he was here when we moved in, and nobody seems to know how to tell him to leave. Of course, he seems okay with not collecting a paycheck every week, so we’re delighted to have him on staff!
Enjoy,Except For The Firebombs, Of Course
Somebody has written “Terrorist under the veil, Canadians do not trust this person” on a flyer for New Democratic Party candidate Shaila Kibria. The incident is being investigated by the police as a racist hate crime.
Listen up, racist asshole! All you’ve done is proven once again that racists are morons. I mean, vandalizing the campaign literature of a candidate whose party is treading water at 15 per cent of the popular vote? Could your effort have been more wasted? If you wanted to actually accomplish something, if you wanted your offensive views to have some kind of impact, you should have vandalized the campaign literature of a candidate who actually had a chance of winning.
Man, with idiots like you in the racist right, minorities in Canada have nothing to be afraid of!
SOURCE: Listen Up, Asshole!
[http://www.(^!$%!$#_)!(*)!*)*)*#%!&&%(.com/index.html]
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That SCHIP Has Sailed
Base Motives
You may think giving poor children health care is neat. Oh,SOURCE: Poetry, Cornered
[http://www.cibc.com/ca/personal/poetrycorner/206.html]
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The Second Law Of Culture: Be Afraid. Be Very Afraid.
Michelle’s First Law of Culture: All cultural artifacts aspire to the condition of advertising.
SOURCE: Michelle’s Obscure Pedantry Page
[http://www.MichellesOPP.ca/blogger.html]
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Pride Goeth Before A Fall Lineup
The biggest drama in Canadian television this week is not being played out in home-grown drama, but in the publicity departments of CTV and Global Television.
It began with CTV issuing press releases last week claiming that “our American TV series have the highest ratings on the most important nights of the week. Ha ha.”
CanWest Global responded with its own press release stating: “The audience for our American programmes is younger than the audience for CTV’s American programmes. Who’s ha haing now?”
Canadian TV producers were dumbfounded by the exchange.
SOURCE: Payback
[http:www.paybackmag.com/articles/magazine/20070928/canadiancontent?getoverit.html]
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Uhh, Isn’t Satire Supposed To Be, You Know, Funny? At Some Point? Anne? Anne?
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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And, If You Are, You Probably Won’t Be In Any Condition To Celebrate
Punk turns 30: if you’re not dead, you probably weren’t there.
SOURCE: Entertainment Right Now
[http://www.entertainmentrightnow.com/mini/smug2007/2007/09/30/punkfunk/]
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Mixed Up Mammals, On The Other Hand, Often Vote
What’s all this I hear about Mixed Mammal Proportional representation? When you get to the poll, you vote for one human candidate, and then you get a second vote for a species? I know dolphins are supposed to be smarter than us and all, but do we really want to elect orangutans to the Provincial Parliament? I mean, they’d have to change the food in the cafeteria to accommodate all sort of species – at what cost to the taxpayer? And, I don’t know about allowing each species to name who its MMP candidates are. I mean, what if the whales put up somebody who doesn’t know his blowhole from a financial sinkhole? What if the humans name Conrad Black? I’m afraid that this would just – what? What? WHAT? It’s called Mixed Member Proportional representation, not Mixed Mammal? And, anyway, it didn’t get the 60 per cent of the votes it needed to pass? Oh.
Never mind.
SOURCE: The Emily Litella Remembered Page
[http://www.allaboutalex.wha/Domesday/EmilyRemembered]
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When Guns Are Slimed, Only Slime Will Have Guns
SOURCE: Billy-Bob’s International House O’ Headlines
[http://www.com/lol.pdqfc.wwygw.wyswyg/fid=1376563032]
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The First Mistake Was Asking For The Interview
From a book of interviews between Jean Baudrillard and Henry Noalles, Exiles From Exile, to be published next month. Jean Baudrillard has written over 50 books that nobody has ever read. Henry Noalles is a transsexual teapot. Translated from the intellectualese by Chris de Bonk.
HENRY NOALLES: Now, Jean –
JEAN BAUDRILLARD: That was your first mistake.
NOALLES: I beg your pardon?
BAUDRILLARD: At the moment I am my most Baudrillardian, I flip into my polar opposite, a slob who rejoices in the mindlessness of the television spectacle and is slowly killing himself with cheap wine and expensive cuts of meat. His name is Fripsy.
NOALLES: Oh. I see. Alright, then, Fripsy –
BAUDRILLARD: Ah, no.
NOALLES: No?
BAUDRILLARD: That was your second mistake.
NOALLES: My…second mistake?
BAUDRILLARD: For, you see, the moment I assume the identity of Fripsy, my identity has already become its polar opposite.
NOALLES: So, you are Jean Baudrillard again?
BAUDRILLARD: If only it were that simple! Actually, I become a sixteenth century warrior monk named Erick the Exuberant Sorehead.
NOALLES: How complex issues of identity are!
BAUDRILLARD: Especially if you are French!
SOURCE: Harpo’s
[http://www.harpos.org/lipreadingBaudrillardEnGarde.html]
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