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Microsoft lawyer Tom Rubin says that many companies, including Google, “create no content of their own, and make money solely on the backs of other people's content [and] are raking in billions through advertising revenue and IPOs.” Microsoft complaining about another company’s business practices? The Absurd Ironeyometer thanks the heavens once again that it uses a Mac.
SOURCE: Big Alex’ Domesday Countdown Page
[http://www.allaboutalex.wha/Domesday/new]
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Lost, Beaten And Left For Dead On The Side Of The Highway In Translation
Some people have complained about a Finnish politician who, in a campaign for re-election, translated his literature into Klingon. The problem is that the made up language from Star Trek doesn’t capture the subtle nuances of politics.
For example, the statement “We need more funds for day care,” when translated into Klingon and back into Finnish, becomes, “If you do not give me all of your money, I will rip your throat out and slaughter your children.”
Candidate Jyrki Kasvi stated that “Some have thought it is blasphemy to mix politics and Klingon. Others say it is good if politicians can laugh at themselves.” This was translated as: “All journalists should be executed and their heads hung on pikes to serve as a lesson for small children!”
SOURCE: Daily Semaphore
[http://www.news.semaphore.co.uk/news/main.jhtml;sessionid=M5UF23LWOLFFPQFIQMFSM5WAVCBQ0JVC?nextPage=/UDereDuDE/wXeR.WZvwF?7wF~/DUereDE/s119/Os/14/JD141O.7wF!2qZiiv~/DUeReDR/s129/Os/14/e7DUeReDR.ZvwF!2iG3gimmygi2Z~vg3d&resize=null&_requestid=21213]
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The Grey Looks Good On Him (Do You Want To Be The One To Tell Him Otherwise?)
Osama bin laden turned 50 today. And, he’s in great shape – he doesn’t look a day over 75.
SOURCE: Late Tonight with David Lenoman
[http://marketing.ubs.com/latetonight/latetonightshow/monologue]
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Easy To Be Kandahard
The International Committee of the Red Cross has stated that: “We don’t monitor the Canadian-Afghanistan agreement on detainee transfer. And, if we did, we certainly wouldn’t tell you.” This is in direct contradiction to Defence Minister Gordon O’Connor’s repeated statements to Parliament that “The ICRC has been covering our asses on this one.”
In order to get assurances that prisoners Canadian soldiers turn over to government forces in Afghanistan are not tortured, murdered, forced to watch 24 straight hours of The War At Home or otherwise mistreated, O’Connor went to Kandahar to meet with the head of the Afghan Independent Human Rights Commission. To show that he took Canada’s concerns seriously, Abdul Qadar Noorzai, head of the AIHRC, failed to show up for the meeting.
Soon after, Chief of the Defence Staff General Rick Hillier appeared in Kandahar without notice. Sources within the Defence Department denied that Hillier went to Kandahar to hold O’Connor’s hand, stating that they were “just good friends.”
SOURCE: Glob and Maul
[http://www.globandmaul.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20070312.eladvote0312_@/BNStory/newsKandaharCatastrophe2007/]
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Me And Pia Zadora – Ipi – It’s Got A Ring To It…
Combining the names of the individuals who make up celebrity couples (ie: Brangelina, TomKat) is a useful shorthand for journalists. However, this is a recent phenomenon; the history of motion pictures is littered with couples whose names would have made great combinations for purposes of playful nicknames.
Fairbanks + Pickford = Fairford or PickbanksOr, not.
SOURCE: Entertainment Right Now
[http://www.entertainmentrightnow.com/mini/smug2007/2007/02/31/namegame/]
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You Kind Of Knew That’s Where She Was Coming From All Along
Right wing attack mammal Ann Coulter (is it just me, or is she looking more and more like one of those spirits released from the ark at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark?) said that she wasn’t calling John Edwards a homosexual when she said, “I was going to have a few comments on the other Democratic presidential candidate John Edwards, but it turns out you have to go into rehab if you use the word faggot.” She said she used the word as a “schoolyard taunt.”
How the fact that it is a schoolyard taunt negated her use of a derogatory term for homosexuals is unclear, but nobody wants to ask her for fear that she might answer.
Fifth grader Timmy Jones, responding to Coulter’s remarks, stated: “I’m disappointed that Ann Coulter is lowering the level of discourse in the schoolyard.”
SOURCE: The Day To Day Show, with Jon Tudor
[http://www.comedycentric.com/tv_shows/thedaytodayshowwithjontudor/headlines_pol.jhtml]
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Desperate For A New Angle?
As Conrad Black’s fraud trial is set to begin, one often overlooked aspect of the case is the hair factor.
Black’s hair, as is well known, is styled by Jimmy’s of Orinoco. Jimmy gives Black a traditional comb-over, but with a special ingredient that both slicks the hair down and makes it seem fuller, more commanding. Black’s is serious hair, as befits such an important captain of industry.
You might think that prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald, because of his relative youth, would have the hair advantage. While it is true that he has more of it on his head, he gets it styled at Tim’s Barbeteria. The $10 trims are a holdover from Fitzgerald’s underprivileged youth, and they show.
If hair is any indication, Black should breeze through this trial.
SOURCE: The National Whipping Post
[http://www.canada.com/national/nationalwhippingpost/news/story.html?ia=1ec2ecda-b3e6-4c18-bf9b-07b657cc48ec]
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This Headline Doesn’t Exist
French philosopher and media theorist Jean Baudrillard died last week. Of course, it wasn’t so much a death as an image of the lack of life. However, when Baudrillard’s breathing stopped, who can say that it was the end of life, or just the performance of the end of a life used by transnational entertainment conglomerates to mask the fact that there had been no life there to begin with?
In the week since his death, 27 papers have been published in peer review journals arguing that he isn’t dead. His family has asked that they stop.
SOURCE: Obits ‘R Us
[http://www.king.ids.net/~bdlm/obits_r_us.html]
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Bring Me The Head Of Alberto Gonzales
Alberto Gonzales, American Attorney General (not to be confused with Alberto-Culver, American general hair care products – oooh, Alberto!) is under fire for the politically motivated dismissal of eight US prosecutors.
“I believe in accountability,” Gonzales said. “That’s why I have asked for and received the resignation of my aide, Kyle Sampson. I acknowledge that mistakes were made here. I accept that responsibility…on his behalf.”
SOURCE: The Postington Wash
[http://www.postingtonwash.com/wp-dyn/articles/A48891-2007Mar14.html]
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How Embarrassing…And, Yet, Strangely Exhilarating At The Same Time
POSITION: Ambassador to El Salvador. QUALIFICATIONS: Must have an undistinguished career in the civil service. Should bring own rope, ball gag and leather bondage gear. History of public exhibitionism preferred. APPLY: Israeli government.
SOURCE: Your Guide To Getting Jobbed
[http://on.ygtgj.com/listings/020967.qrhtml]
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