The Daily Me – Corbijn Antsy

Thank you, Corbijn Antsy, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And…and…oh, let’s face it: it’s too late for hangover jokes and too early for Halloween horror stories, so what say we just take it as given that we’ve given you our usual hair-raising non-sequiturs and move on, alright?

So He Can Strangle Them?

SOURCE: No Comment Quotes

[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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Those Are Some Very Personable Deck Chairs You’re Rearranging There

Some people have suggested that Stephen Harper’s cabinet shuffle does not make his government greener.

I couldn’t disagree more. The fact that he has replaced Rona Ambrose, who halfheartedly got Canada out of international environmental agreements while focusing on the wrong environmental objectives, with John Baird, who will aggressively get Canada out of international environmental agreements while focusing on the wrong environmental objectives, has to be a step forward.

SOURCE: Glob and Maul

[http://www.globandmaul.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20070104.eladvote0104_@/BNStory/lettersCabinet2006/]
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Some People Will Never Be Able To See Themselves As Others See Them

Perhaps the strangest criticism of this year’s Time magazine Man of the Year – You – comes from the American Association of Hemoglobinally Challenged Persons. The AAHCP represents what we, in simpler times, used to called “vampires.”

“The mirror on the cover discriminates against the undead because, of course, we cannot see ourselves in it,” AAHCP spokesman Vlad explained. “Is Time saying that we are somehow less patriotic, less American than fully living citizens? Hey! We may not be allowed to teach in schools, but we work and pay taxes just like the Hemoglobinally rich!”

“Jeez, I sure could use a drink right now!”

SOURCE: USA Whenever

[http://www.usawhenever.com/news/national/2006-12-27-you-andyou-andyou-butyounotsomuch_x.htm]
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You Know, At Least One Of Them Makes A Good Point

Over the holidays, actor George Clooney expressed his frustration over the lack of action to end the conflict in the Darfur region of Sudan. In response, President Bush expressed his disappointment that Ocean’s Twelve wasn’t a better movie.

SOURCE: Entertainment Right Now

[http://www.entertainmentrightnow.com/mini/smug2007/2007/01/03/loonyclooney&aburningbush/]
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At Last Somebody Understands The True Meaning Of The Holiday Season

Why did the Jewish children not complain that the presents Christian children got for Christmas were better than the ones they got for Chanukah? Their parents gelted them out of it.

SOURCE: Unicycle

[http://www.unicycle.com/new.php?p=articles&id=389&but=allis1]
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Yet, He Still Lives

SOURCE: No Comment Quotes

[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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Coming Soon To Washington: Advertising Based Science

According to President Bush, polar bears have started to eat each other because of soda drinking penguins.

“The penguins give the bears a Coke, see,” the President told a classroom full of seventh graders. “This Coke must have some strange, magical powers, because the bears sit in the middle of a flock of penguins, see, and listen to them sing. Don’t eat ‘em. Not even one. Don’t eat ‘em – just sit there, grinning. Ain’t natural. If bears don’t eat their natural prey, they’ll turn on each other, see?”

When one of the seventh graders pointed out that polar bears live at the north pole, but penguins live at the south pole, the President shrugged and responded, “See, that just goes to show you how complicated this whole environmentalistical thing is!”

SOURCE: Cleveland Wheeler Dealer

[http://www.cleveland.ca/enter/index.ssf?/living/wheelerdealer/index.ssf%3fu/base/news/1206749650262760.xml]
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I’ve Said It before, I’ll Say It Again: Exercise Will Be The Death Of Me

I am a goof. There is no denying it.

After my heart surgery, I had to get serious about exercising, so I started riding a stationary bicycle. Unfortunately, the seat is really hard, and, frankly, it made my ass hurt. To stop this, I put a pillow on the seat. Unfortunately, after a while the pillow started conforming to the shape of the seat, only mitigating the hardness a small amount.

I decided to use a tube that one of my nephews used to use to swim in before he outgrew it. Again, this only partially worked. Then, I hit on the brilliant idea of combining the pillow and tube. This actually worked quite well for a couple of comfortable weeks of cycling, but was, unfortunately, highly unstable. Eventually, I fell off, hitting my head on the armrest of a nearby sofa, requiring a quick trip to the hospital and seven stitches.

I am, in short, the only person I know who has seriously hurt himself falling off a stationary bicycle.

I embrace my goofiness. What choice do I have?

SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles

[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
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Not Only That, But Bush Doesn’t Wear Pyjamas When Meeting Foreign Leaders

One more way you can tell the difference between Canada and the United States: Prime Minister Stephen Harper doesn’t bother to hide the fact that he thinks he’s the smartest man in the country; President George W. Bush doesn’t bother to hide the fact that he knows he isn’t.

SOURCE: aye Weakly

[http://www.aye.net/]
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Odd That “Parody Established Talk Show Tropes” Isn’t On The List

Nine things you really don’t need to do before you die:

SOURCE:

[http://marketing.ubs.com/latetonight/latetonightshow/list]
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