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Justice Samuel Albedo

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Thank you, Justice Samuel Albedo, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, many of the people who work on The Daily Me live in Toronto, the only city in the world where the falling Leafs are a sign that summer is coming.

Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff

Nostalgia For The Sixties…BC…

The Israeli government has given its own explanation for the death of Al Jazeera journalist Shireen Abu Akleh during a raid in the occupied West Bank.

Suicide.

“She shot herself,” said an Israeli soldier on such deep background it isn’t likely to ever see the light of day. “In the middle of reporting on a protest in the West Bank. With a military rifle. From a distance of at least 100 yards. Really, what could it be other than suicide?”

To prove its point, the Israeli government released video of a woman shooting a round with a rifle. Almost immediately, the footage was identified as part of an Israeli military training film.

“It’s like they Israelis aren’t even bothering to cover up the murder,” said MSNBC anchor Mehdi Hassan. “If they’re really so bored of the whole dance, why don’t they change the tune?”

SOURCE: The Arad Post

[http://www.apost.com/servlet/Satellite?pagename=APost/APArticle/ShowFull&cid=1068991593475]

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Testify To Prove Their Innocence? Don’t Be Absurd!
They’re All Guilty As [INSERT DIRTY WORD]!

Subpoena Subway

Kevin McCarthy, Kevin McCarthy
Will attack anyone who is swarthy
He is a material witness of note
In the effort to keep from counting their vote
Because according to Trump, they’re “not worthy”

Republicans will say or do anything to win
They’re guilty as sin

Jim Jordan, Jim Jordan
We can only imagine what reality he considers himself lord in
With Trump he had many conversations
About how best to steal control of the nation
He better hope he’s well liked by the jail warden

There is no lie Republicans are not willing to tell
They’re guilty as hell

Mo Brooks, Mo Brooks
Should have spent more time studying law books
The January 6 mob he did incite,
Violence on the Capitol he did invite
Just another of a bunch of Republican schnooks!

Remorse? He doesn’t feel a single bit
They’re guilty as shit

Andy Biggs, Andy Biggs
The more he talks, the deeper he digs
He reminisced with fond affection
About overturning the 2020 election
Soon, he’ll be trading favours for cigs

To the MAGA crowd, these men should be praised for many things
To the rest of us, they’re guilty as anything

Scott Perry, Scott Perry
Was not prudent, was not wary
Exchanging, with Mark Meadows, seditious texts
Was, for him, better than sex
How close they came to succeeding is scary!

Will they testify to the January 6 Commission? Lots of luck!
None of them will, because they’re guilty as fuck!

SOURCE: Poetry, Cornered

[http://www.cibc.com/ca/personal/poetrycorner/832.html]

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Marching Right Up To The Gaetz Of Hell
Just To Sneeze In The Face Of The Gatekeeper

Matt Gaetz
@mattgaetz
May 4
How many of the women rallying against overturning Roe are over-educated, under-loved millennials who sadly return from protests to a lonely microwave dinner with their cats, and no bumble matches?

SOURCE: Ending Trending Web Site

[http://endingtrending.blurgh/what-matt-wants-matt-gaetz/]

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To Catch The Conscience Of The Cable News King

A white man goes into a supermarket in a predominantly black community and shoots a dozen people, killing ten, and everybody calls it a hate crime. Is it hateful to want to protect your own community from being replaced by people who are not like them? Wouldn’t this qualify more as an act of love than anything else? Is it really so hard for liberals, with their warped woke perspective, to see that killing a lot of people can be an act of love instead of – URRK!

Did I…am I justifying racially motivated murder? I mean, I want to pwn the libs more than anybody else on a cable news network, but…but…but is this what I have become? I mean, I was born into privilege – I could have done anything with my life that I had wanted to do. And I chose this‽ I – I – I – what the hell am I saying? Don’t listen to me – go to commercial. Go to a ferking commercial!

SOURCE: Turducken Carlson This Late Afternoon

[https://www.fixed.com/turducken-carlson-this-late-afternoon/]

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They Know The Kremlin Wants Democracy In Their Country To Be Finnished

The Kremlin has warned Finland (Finland, Finland, that’s where I want to be) not to join NATO, that abandoning the country’s traditional policy of military neutrality “would be an error since there are no threats to Finland’s security.”

Everybody who lives in Finland turned their eyes towards Ukraine. Meaningfully.

SOURCE: Canadian Depress

[http://www.cd.org/english/notforyou.htm]

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And The Morale Of The Story Is…

This week marked the official acknowledgement of the one millionth COVID death in the United States. Nobody had chosen the date in the office pool because, frankly, nobody had chosen a date period. I would like to think that non-participation in the office pool was because of the discrepancy between the official number of deaths and the actual number of deaths, which would make determining the date of the actual millionth case very difficult to pin down. I would hate to think non-participation in the office pool indicated a lack of morale among the staff. Here at Wawaneesa, we pride ourselves on creating a minimally tolerable work environment. Not participating in a group morale building exercise would be bad.

SOURCE: The Wawaneesa Group Monthly Newsletter

[http://mnc.com/flexmere/ontologicon/wawaneesa/internal/newsletters/May2022.txt]

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You Say You Want To Occupy Other People’s Land?
It’s Your Funeral (Unless It’s Theirs)

The Israeli government has given its own explanation for the violence at the funeral of Al Jazeera journalist Shireen Abu Akleh, who was killed during a raid in the occupied West Bank.

The mourners attacked each other.

“They hit each other,” said an Israeli soldier on such deep background that even Baudrillard would have a hard time following it. “With police batons. And…military grade stun grenades. And pulled Palestinian flags out of each other’s hands. People in mourning do crazy shit, let me tell you!”

What about the dozen or more videos taken by people in the crowd that clearly show Israeli police abusing mourners? “I don’t know where the Palestinians got the uniforms of Israeli soldiers,” the source responded, “but, uhh, did I mention people in mourning do crazy shit?”

SOURCE: The Baghdad Post

[http://www.baghdadpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A49881-2022May14.html]

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