Thank you, Crosby, Stills, Nash and Sometimes Dahmer, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, British Parliament acts twice: once as misery, then as sex farce. It was bad enough when a Conservative MP accused Labour Party Deputy Leader Angela Raymer of pulling a Fatal Attraction by crossing and uncrossing her legs to distract Prime Minister Boris Johnson during debates. (Shouldn’t he be made of – ahem – sterner stuff?) Now, an MP has been suspended from the Conservative Party while he is being investigated for allegations that he watched pornography on his phone in the House of Commons. Benny Hill must be kicking himself for not living long enough to write that sketch!
Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff
This Election Cycle, We Bring You The Haiku Of Fashion
Conservative Leadership Debate Haikus
Pierre Poilievre
Has to be seen to be believed
His hatred of immigrants is a match
For the schemes to undermine rights he hopes to hatch
If he loses, a majority of Canadians will be relieved
Jean Charest
And politics had gone their separate ways
But the rightward drift towards the extreme
Was, for him, a fever dream
Of making political hay
Leslyn Lewis
Isn’t Jewish
But being a black woman
Means conservative support will not be forthcoming
Whatever made her think she could do this?
Roman Baber
Preaches hate thy neighbour
Allying himself with the anti-vaxx right
Might give him enough votes to make the race tight
An opportunity neo-fascists savour
Scott Aitchison
Wanted to be the reasonable one
He argued most hearty
Against divisions in the Party
If he wins, I’d be stunned
SOURCE: Poetry, Cornered
[http://www.cibc.com/ca/personal/poetrycorner/831.html]
The Public Square Was Also The Place Where Movie Ghosts Loved To Slime People, So I’m Not Sure Your Analogy Works As Well As You Would Like It To
“Free speech is the bedrock of a functioning democracy and Twitter is the digital town square where matters vital to the future of humanity are debated.”
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
You Know Somebody’s Not Doing It Right When Comedy Comes Down To Kill Or Be Killed
Somebody jumped onto the stage and attacked comic Dave Chappelle in the middle of a set. Contrary to what some people may think, this is not what comedians are talking about when they discuss the idea of “punching down!”
SOURCE: Titters Comedy Club
[http://www.titters.com/info/TittersClubs/ElginClub/elgNowAppearing.cfm]
It’s Only Words
But Words Are All I Have
To Lose Your Vote
Conservatives have accused Liberal Prime Minister Justin Trudeau of using rude language. However, they won’t tell us what it was.
“Moth – oh, no, you don’t,” Opposition House Leader John Brossard explained. “If I say the word, I’ll be just as bad as that asshole, and I don’t want to – dammit! Aaargh! I’m going to stop talking now before I completely fuck this opportunity for partisan outrage up!”
SOURCE: Glob and Maul
[http://www.globandmaul.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20220508.eladvote0508_@/BNStory/newsOops2022/]
Stare, Stare Decisis
Decisions Writ With Empty Words
Clever Jurists Laying Awful Turds
While The World Watches Laughing Up Its Sleeve
When it comes to Supreme Court nomination hearings, what candidates don’t say is often more important than what they do say. Justice Neil Gorsuch, for example, didn’t think to mention: “…a bad precedent, but a precedent nonetheless.” Justice Amy Coney Barrett forget to add: “…but I’m going to try like hell to do that anyway. Wish me luck!” Justice Brett Kavanaugh didn’t say, “But I’m gonna get ripped the night before we write a decision on the case, and I can’t be held responsible for what I may or may not decide!”
Did the Justices lie at their confirmation hearings? No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! Not exactly, no. Well, maybe. It was well known that former President Donald Trump would only nominate Justices who were dedicated to overturning Roe v. Wade, so all their talk of precedent was really unPresidented.
Whether or not what they did constitutes a lie, it was certainly misleadi – wait. What’s – you hear that? It’s a kind of dull knock-knock-knocking? Do you hear it? Could a woodpecker have somehow made it into the Supreme Court chambers? What has security in Washington come to if random avian invaders can willy nilly ent – uhh, after January 6, I guess we all know the answer to that quest –
Oh, wait. It’s just Chief Justice John Roberts gently banging his head against the wall of his chambers. After years of trying to get the public to accept the Supreme Court as an apolitical body, the obvious partisanship of the conservative majority has made his job impossible. In the real world, the Court has achieved its lowest approval ratings since they were first measured; in the Basket of Deplorables, it almost has unanimous approval (Chuck keeps holding on, but given the extent of his dementia, it’s only a matter of time before the lone holdout gives out…)
That should tell you all you need to know about where the court really lies.
SOURCE: Karl’s Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism
[http://www.bigred.commie/articles/218^.htm]
He Was One Galella Of An Artist!
Ron Galella, one of the earliest pioneers of paparazzi, has died at the age of 91. His family has asked that no photographs be taken at his funeral.
SOURCE: Obits ‘R Us
[http://www.king.ids.net/~bdlm/obits_r_us.html]
In The Name Of protecting Children, Florida Legislature Flips Rights The Bird
A Florida law banning the teaching of the birds and the bees from kindergarten to grade three has taken a lot of criticism from the religious right.
“Sex between a man and a woman is sanctioned by Gord,” said Pastor Martin Ratmunsen of the Better Bitter Baptist Mega-church (Now With a Drive Thru Absolution Lane!). “It’s in the Bible. There. And there. And twice on Sundays there. If it’s good enough for the Good Gord, it’s good enough for my four year-old!”
“Uhh, yeah, no,” said Florida State Senator Dennis Baxley. “We don’t want teachers grooming students for sexual servitude, and everybody knows that the vast number of sexual abusers are heterosexual avian males!”
“That’s smearing all birds with a very broad brush!” Ratmunsen argued. “Okay, I wouldn’t trust eagles, falcons or yellow-bellied sapsuckers around my children. But other than them, most birds responsibly care for children.”
“Add racism to the pro-bird message?” Baxley said as he rubbed his tired eyes. “Why not? This debate went off the power lines years ago!”
SOURCE: Disassociated Press
[http://www.bltdaily.com/]