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Honshu Tobermory

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Thank you, Honshu Tobermory, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, we read that Toronto Mayor John Tory, after stoking the fears of the populace with rising crime statistics, offered his innovative solution: more money for the cops. Since he doesn’t appear to understand why some communities would oppose such a solution, we would suggest that he search for songs called “Fuck the Police” on YouTube, and listen to everything that comes up until his ears bleed. If nothing else, it will keep him from making more mischief for a week or two!

Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff

When You Concentrate On What A politician Is NOT Saying, You Will Be Surprised At What Pops Up

The following text contains 14 pop-up annotations. Collect the whole set!

Excerpt from Kevin McCarthy’s pitch to become Speaker of the House:

We want an economy that is strong. That means you can fill up your tank. You can buy the groceries, you have enough money left over to go to Disneyland and save for a future that the paychecks grow – they no longer shrink. We have a plan. For a nation that’s safe. That means your community will be protected. Your law enforcement will be respected. Your criminals will be prosecuted. We believe in a future that’s built on freedom that your children come firstViolent crime is at record highs in our streets and neighborhoods. The border has become a national security crisis, with fentanyl killing our fellow citizens. Soaring inflation has shrunk paychecks and sent us into a recession. And our kids have fallen further behind thanks to school closures and lockdowns… The White House and the Democrat majority in Congress control Washington. They’re in charge. This is their record. And yet, they want you to give them two more years in power. But Republicans have a plan for a new direction – one that’ll get our country back on track.

SOURCE: Politics For Dummies

[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/home.asp?did=1037&dir=bb]
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King Solomon He Ain’t

Kevin McCarthy, keen to win over members of the Freedom Caucus who oppose his bid to become Speaker of the House, has offered them his first born son. Since 20 of them oppose his bid for Speaker, the child will have to be divided in what are sure to be painful ways.

“That’s not good enough,” responded Representative-elect Lauren Boebert. “We want all of Kevin McCarthy’s first born sons or we’ll never vote for him as speaker!”

At the same time, Representative-elect Marjorie Taylor Greene complained, “Why did I get the [BLEEP]ing spleen! I always get the [BLEEP]ing spleen! I want a kidney, or…or…or a lung! I deserve a [BLEEP]ing lung!”

SOURCE: The Lefty Hipp-Starr Show

[http://www.msnobc.msn.com/id/29217708/]
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Venn Requiesce Elon In Pace

SOURCE: Economics For Dummies (economics)

[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/entertainmentfordummies/economicsfordummies/home.asp?did=612&dir=bb]
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Besides, The Boss Identifies With Him

Some people are concerned that newly elected Representative George Santos could be a security risk. The theory goes he has told so many lies that a hostile foreign power could blackmail him with a threat to reveal his dirty secrets.

“That’s not true!” exclaimed an ally of Santos in Congress. “All of George’s lies have already been revealed, so there’s nothing that he could be blackmailed for!”

How is the public to know that for certain? “Well…well…well…if George has told lies that have yet to be revealed, or tells lies in the future, if anybody tried to blackmail him, they would immediately become public,” his ally explained. “So, when you think about it, he is the member of Congress who is least likely to be blackmailed by a hostile foreign power!”

Wait – who is this talking? George Santos has no allies in Congress.

“I…I – my name is Schmeorge. Schmeorge…Krampos. I – you know what? This interview is over!”

SOURCE: CBBS News

[http://www.cbbsnews.com/stories/2023/01/11/nationalpolitics/main542816.shtml]
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I Know I’ll Probably Owe Rodney Dangerfield’s Estate For This Joke, But It Is So Worth It

Last night, I was at a fight and a session of the House of Representatives broke out.

SOURCE: Cohan

[http://teamcoho.com/video/opening-monologue-01-06-23]
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New Platform, Same Old Narcissism

Donald L. Trump
@surrealDonaldTrump

People want me to comment on what’s going on in Brazil? Of course they do. I know shi – things. Aww, what the fuck – I know shit. I’ll tell you what I think is going on in Brazil. Joey Balls – henh hee – that’s what I call the President of the country – Joey Balls. He’s claiming the election he lost was fraudulent? I taught him that. He’s winking and nodding at mobs storming the capital building and destroying anything that gets in their way? I taught him that, too. How to deny you had anything to do with the violence when you loved every minute of it? I’m gonna be honest with you: I taught Joey Balls – henh hee – that never gets old – I taught him everything he knows. Okay, Little Vladdy may have helped me…colour in some of the more delicate parts. Getting your country back after Communist Bastards have stolen it from you is hard! Otherwise, it was me, me, me, me, me, all me.

SOURCE: Truth Antisocial

[https://truthantisocial.com]
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