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When The Freedom Caucus Becomes A Straitjacket, A Would-be Leader Must Deploy The Nuclear Option
On the first ballot, 19 Republicans voted for Andy Biggs or other House members, denying Kevin McCarthy the speakership he was born to fill. With only a four member majority, McCarthy could not afford to lose that many votes.
“This is not a problem,” McCarthy responded. “We’ll find a way to work it out.”
Members of the newly elected House of Representatives cannot be sworn in until a speaker is chosen. Until they are sworn in, the House cannot hold committee meetings, pass legislation or conduct any other business.
“Okay, okay, it may be a bit of a problem,” McCarthy allowed. “But we’re working hard on a solution, and we will arrive at one soon.”
The speakership hasn’t gone to a second vote in 100 years. This is only the second time that a speaker hasn’t been chosen on the first vote since the Civil War.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” McCarthy, sounding a bit harried, stated. “You don’t have to give me a whole history lesson – I get that this could be a problem! Okay? I get it! Now, let me find a solution.”
McCarthy has now lost his second vote. In 1855, 133 votes were held over two months before a speaker was finally chosen.
“I need votes, not a fucking history lesson!” McCarthy screamed. “If you don’t have votes for me, shut the fuck up!”
Whoa. Somebody got up on the wrong side of the political spectrum this morning!
SOURCE: The Hill You Die On
[https://thehillyoudieon.com/homenews/congress/448836-a-new-mccarthy-era-stalls]
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He Shouldn’t Have Let His Legal Woes Fester
Bill Cosby has announced that he is planning a comeback tour. I wish him all the best, although I’m not sure how many people will find it funny that America’s dad has become America’s creepy uncle…
SOURCE: Jimmy Kippel – Live! (On Tape Delay)
[http://beta.abc.go.com/shows/jimmy-kippel-live-ish/blogs/monologue]
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Tiers For Fears Is Not A Great Trade
0 empathy) In response to an Ontario decision to lower the payments doctors receive for one-off virtual consultations, a number of medical websites have begun charging clients for virtual medical services. Some critics believe this will result in a two-tier system of medicine. What tiers are they most worried about?
a) The Tiers of a Clown
b) The Tracks of My Tiers
c) Levi Stubb’s Tiers
SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles
[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
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If Only Kevin McCarthy Had Paid Attention To The Signs!
The Janet Jackson song “Rhythm Nation” used to crash model 5400 rpm laptops, an older model few people use these days. The song contained a resonant frequency that disrupted the hard drives of the computer.
So, if somebody repeatedly plays “Rhythm Nation” around your workspace, they probably aren’t going to help you win that promotion you’ve been lusting after. On the other hand, they aren’t that bright, so they probably won’t seriously get in your way.
SOURCE: Geekly News & World Report
[http://www.geeklynews.com/geeklynews/issue/230102/geeklynews/01officepoliticshahaha.htm]
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And A Whole New Field Suddenly Comes Into View For Mash-up Artists!
Vivienne Ian Pele Tyson Westwood has died at the age of 81. And 89. Or possibly 82. They was a fashion designer who sang the folk classic “Four Strong Winds” while being perhaps the best football player in the world.
Umm…I’m reporting this as accurately as I can, but so many celebrities are dying at the same time that it really is hard to keep track!
SOURCE: Obits ‘R Us
[http://www.king.ids.net/~bdlm/obits_r_us.html]
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Yes, The AI’s Face Was Redd
Elon Musk tweeted: “Just a note to encourage people of different political or other views to engage in civil debate on Twitter. Worst case, the other side has a slightly better understanding of your views.”
After it read this post, the Absurd Ironyometer clutched at its chest and shouted, “This is the big one, Elizabeth! Oh! Oh! I’m coming! I’m coming, Elizabeth! This is the big one!”
SOURCE: Big Alex’ Domesday Countdown Page
[http://www.allaboutalex.wha/Domesday/new]
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Convoy Vey!
Prime Minister in his own mind James Bauder has called off the Freedom Convoy 2.0 protest, which had been scheduled to go off (like a ticking time bomb in a badly written episode of 24) in February.
Like all reunions, FC 2.0 was expected to be awkward and involve the police. Because they are keenly averse to social awkwardness, Ottawa police warned that they would have zero tolerance for the reunion, forcing Bauder to move it from Ottawa to Winnipeg. Just like my high school reunion was scheduled for three different hotels, cancellations ultimately forcing us to hold it in the parking lot behind a Timmies.
Bauder blamed the cancellation of FC 2.0 on security breaches and personal attacks. Honestly, if it were any more like my high school reunion, I’d recommend him for an honorary degree!
SOURCE: Saturday Night, Fevered
[http://www.saturdaynightfevered.ca/index.php]
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Because Parody Is Protected Speech, That’s Why
Bond, James Bond and Mickey Mouse were having a drink in the Fantastical Fun Times Bar, Grille and Shoppe.
“Why so glum, chum?” Mickey asked as he took a sip of sparkling water.
“Canada has finally changed its copyright laws to conform to the rest of the world, meaning the United States,” Bond said, taking a large gulp of his drink. “It’s now the life of the author plus 70 years, not plus 50 years.”
“So, that’s pretty darned good news, don’t you think?” Mickey enthused.
“No!” Bond shouted. “It’s too late – copyright on me ran out in 2015!”
“Whoa, there, big fella,” Mickey cautioned. “Maybe you should, you know, go a little easier on the martinis.”
This just seemed to enrage Bond more. “This isn’t a martini, it’s a gin and tonic! That’s the point! Now, any hack can use me without any regard to the iconic features of my character!”
Mickey put a gloved hand on the shoulder of a bespoke business suit and said, “Tough break, buddy.” But you know he was thinking: Gee, if you had only been friends with Sonny Bono like I was, you wouldn’t have had to suffer this fate!
SOURCE: The Leek
[http://www.theleek.com/mickey-mouse-country-joins-civilized-world-1849945112]
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