the deaths of four Canadian soldiers get one page each of coverage in a major newspaper Thank you, Babyface Manfreddi, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. DID YOU KNOW: that I, like many people, peel potatoes in my sleep? At least, they tell me many people do that.
Enjoy,On Message, Off His Head
American President George W. Bush responded forcefully to allegations that his administration isn’t doing enough to stem the tide of illegal immigrants into the country. “I’m bankrupting the middle class as quickly as I can,” Bush stated. “Once the United States is divided into a small wealthy class and a large percentage of people living in abject poverty, entering the country illegally won’t appeal to Mexicans as much, and the border should be much more secure.”
Ignoring the stunned silence in the room, Bush added: “If you want to blame anybody for the illegal immigrants mess, blame Congress. We’d be much further along in solving the problem if they would make my tax cuts permanent!”
SOURCE: The Postington Wash
Hollywood Is Officially Out Of Original Ideas
Dave Chappelle’s 16 Blocks Party
Bruce Willis plays a cop at the end of his rope who has to transport Dave Chappelle across town to get him to testify against crooked police officers. Meanwhile, all Chappelle (who is playing himself) wants to do is tell a few jokes and hang out with the cream of the hip hop community. Fascinating mix of laid back charm and gunplay.
SOURCE: Imaginary Movie Database
Do We Really Need A Checklist? I Mean, Why Not Just Look At The Knife They’re Holding?
Checklist: A Measure of Evil. CTV. 7pm. Can a simple test called “The Psychopathy Checklist” determine who is a psychopath and measure their potential for doing harm? If anybody answers the question, “Have you repeatedly stabbed several people with a large knife until the room you were in was drenched in their blood?” with the answer, “Yes,” they probably warrant at least a little suspicion.
SOURCE: Ukrainian TV Guide
Don’t Count Rodin Out Just Yet – He Sculpts A Mean Right Hook
What’s all this I hear about Godzilla fighting Rodin? Godzilla was a fifty foot tall radioactive monster who breathed fire and knocked over tall buildings. Auguste Rodin was a sculptor of human figures with an exquisite eye for detail. I mean, it hardly seems like a fair fight, does it? Well, does it? It’s not like Rodin had any super powers, unless he flicked stray bits of marble at – what? What?! WHAT? Rodan? With an “A?” A huge pterodactylly thing with spikes on its chest that flew at mach 3? Oh. Well. That’s different, then. Never mind.
SOURCE: The Emily Litella Remembered Page
Making Canuckistan A Reality
Canadian progress in Afghanistan:
YOU ARE HERE: the death of a Canadian soldier gets a four page spread in a major newspaper
the deaths of four Canadian soldiers get one page each of coverage in a major newspaper
the deaths of 12 Canadian soldiers get one page of coverage in total in a medium sized newspaper
the deaths of 20 Canadian soldiers get an article in the back of a minor newspaper
the deaths of 30 Canadian soldiers get a passing mention on a radio show
SOURCE: Politics For Dummies
Oh, But, They’re Different Because…Because They’re Not The Same!
Prime Minister Stephen Harper has sent the American government a clear and forceful message by curbing government-to-government aid and by shunning members of its cabinet.
The government has waged a war on a country that was not a threat to it, causing the deaths of from 30 to 100,000 people, mostly innocent civilians. It has repeatedly renounced its international obligations, and continues to torture foreign nationals and to illegally spy on its own citizens.
Americans brought this crisis on themselves by electing radicals and terrorists. No democratic mandate can legitimate the Republicans’ odious programme.
SOURCE: Toronto Startle
They’re Fuchsed
CBC Television has chosen Fred Fuchs, a refugee from Hollywood, to be its new executive director of arts and entertainment programming. Expect any revival of Davinci’s Inquest to have more graphic reenactments of bodies being burst apart. Not only that, but rumours are already circulating that Rick Mercer’s Report will have to increase its weekly quotient of puerile sexual double entendres.
SOURCE: Payback
Oh, Go Ahead. Say It. You Know Everybody In The Country Wants To…
According to Sandra Buckler, Prime Minister Stephen Harper’s director of communication, “I think this Prime Minister has been more accessible, gives greater media scrums and provides deeper content than any prime minister has in the last 10 to 12 years.”
Do I even need to say it?
SOURCE: Are You On Crack?
When Do You Become Wealthy Enough To Think For Yourself?
According to The National Post, cigars are out. Fine. I gave all my Coronas to a homeless shelter – they don’t care. The homeless will smoke anything. I’m not trying to be insulting. I’m just saying they have no need to worry about smoking trends. Nobody looks to them to learn about…well, anything, really.
I also gave the homeless all my humidors. Maybe they can build some sort of hut out of them. I’m not saying humidor homes would be posh. But, a little glue and shellac, and they would keep the wind away on cold winter nights.
You can’t say I’m not doing my part to help the poor.
A week later, The Globe and Mail ran an article saying that smoking cigars was in. It’s not that I regret ridding myself of all of my cigars and smoking paraphernalia. I kept the things that cut the ends off the cigars. They have other uses. And, in any case, I can replace most of my collection with the tax refund I’ll be getting for my donation to the homeless shelter.
It’s just that, well, can’t you people make up your bloody minds?
SOURCE: I’m Filthy Stinking Rich Blog
