“I will fire anybody who was responsible for leaking the identity of a CIA agent to the press.” Thank you, Ronnie Earle, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. FUN FACT: did you know that Beatle John Lennon was actually an albino?
Enjoy,Well, It Worked For Hairspray
Rumour in Washington is that the investigation into the leaking of the identity of CIA agent Valerie Plame will result in indictments within the next day or two. Our super-secret, back of the dark garage but eminently credible pinky finger swear anonymous source explained that: “Then CIA Director George Tenet told two friends, and they told two friends, and they told two friends, and they told two friends…” and, before you could say, “But, isn’t it treas – ” everybody in Washington knew.
SOURCE: The Postington Wash
World Class? My Ass!
Toronto must have thought it had some coup by getting the Rock Scissors Paper World Championship. Little did it realize that New York has already planned an Extreme Rock Scissors Paper World Championship.
“Oh, yeah,” said Extreme RSP organizer Enrico Stabouli. “You didn’t see any of those Toronto pussies losing fingers, did ya? Naah. Expect people to lose digits in New York.”
SOURCE: aye Weakly
Canadians Often Ask Themselves That Very Question
Item: Canadian Prime Minister Paul Martin tells American Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice that the US must do more to stop the illegal flow of guns into Canada.
WHAT MARTIN WAS THINKING: I’m the Prime Minister. I’m being Prime Ministerial. Look at me being the Prime Minister. I hope it’s not chicken again.
WHAT RICE WAS THINKING: What is this man going on about? I hope the chicken is better than last time. Boy, George owes me – he owes me big. He better support my nomination for President in the next – what is this man going on about!
SOURCE: Disassociated Press
It Takes A Gutsy Politician To Support Cruel, Inhuman Or Degrading Treatment Of Prisoners
President Bush threatened to veto a bill calling for a prohibition against the use of “cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment or punishment” against anyone in American custody, regardless of where they are held. After somebody took him aside and quietly whispered in his ear, the President came out squarely in favour of…Arbour Day.
SOURCE: Toronto Stunned
For The Math Impaired: That Works Out To Less Than Two Copies Per Title
A Series of Unfortunate Events, the books by author Lemony Snicket, have sold over one million copies in Canada. This is less impressive, however, when you realize that there are over 500,000 books in the series.
SOURCE: Unread Book News
It’s Just You, Then It’s Not
MONDAY: Is it just me, or does Madonna have more personalities than Sybil?
TUESDAY: Is it just me, or is a work action by the police that involves not handing out traffic tickets that costs the city over $500,000 a bad way to convince politicians to give police greater benefits?
WEDNESDAY: If Phoenix held an acting workshop that anybody could show up for, could it be considered a Joaquin clinic?
THURSDAY: Would you treat me better if you knew I was going to die tomorrow?
FRIDAY: You heartless bastard! For all you know, I might die tomorrow!!!!! Treat me better now! Treat me better now! Treat me better now!
SATURDAY: Oh, uhh, sorry about that. The clot is affecting the blood flow to my brain, causing periodic personality disturbances. It would have been funny if you had seen it on TV. Heartless bastard. See? Ha ha.
SUNDAY: When god rested on the seventh day, did he beat the point spread in the Packers/Rams game?
SOURCE: Random Thoughts and Blood Clots Home Page
Looks Like a Mild Chastisementing Offence To Me
The progression of firing thresholds in the Plame case:
“I will fire anybody who was responsible for leaking the identity of a CIA agent to the press.”
“I will fire anybody who is indicted for leaking the identity of a CIA agent to the press.”
YOU ARE HERE: “I will fire anybody who is convicted of leaking the identity of a CIA agent to the press.”
“I will fire anybody who serves time for leaking the identity of a CIA agent to the press.”
“I will fire anybody who serves time in a maximum security facility for leaking the identity of a CIA agent to the press.”
“I will fire anybody who serves a life sentence in a maximum security facility for leaking the identity of a CIA agent to the press.”
“I won’t fire anybody until Hell freezes over.”
SOURCE: Politics For Dummies
Somebody’s Ass Should Be In A Sling Over This One
The Ontario Liberal Party is denying that it is in any way responsible for radio and television advertisements claiming that the sun shines out of Dalton McGuinty’s ass. Government House Leader Jim Bradley said the $1.5 million campaign was being paid for by something called The McGuinty’s Sunny Ass Foundation.
Bradley allowed that the Foundation shares many key staffers with the Premier’s office. And that the Foundation’s headquarters is at Queen’s Park. Oh, and a majority of the Foundation’s funding came from the Liberal Party. He insisted that the advertisements were not a case of the government spending public money to promote itself, however, because, “other than that, the Foundation is completely autonomous.”
SOURCE: Glob and Maul
Addams Family Viewing
Last week, the Parents Television Council announced that The War At Home, The Family Guy and American Dad were the worst prime time shows for family viewing. This week, each show gained ten points in the ratings.
“We, uhh, may have to rethink this a little,” said PTC Founder and President L. Brent Bozell. “I mean, you gotta know something’s wrong when your actions cause the ratings for The War At Home to rise…”
SOURCE: Ukrainian TV Guide
