Thank you, Karl Snogstradt, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Then, Katrina hit. We don’t actually live in New Orleans. Truth to tell, we don’t even live in Louisiana. Well, okay, you got us, we don’t live on the eastern seaboard. Or, for that matter, the western seaboard. No, we aren’t Americans. But, we spent so much time and energy trying to figure out a way to show our concern for the victims of the hurricane that when it came to put this together, we had nothing.
Enjoy,Not Heartless – Compassion Impaired
A week after Hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans, Vice President Dick Cheney went to the city to…be seen going to the city. While the Vice President was being interviewed for TV, somebody shouted, “Fuck off, Cheney!” Without batting an eyelash, the Vice President responded: “No, don’t put the emphasis on the word ‘off.’ You’ll make much more of an impact if you put the emphasis on the word ‘fuck.’ Go practice in front of a mirror. Fucking amateur.”
SOURCE: The Postington Wash
Where Are Our Priorities?!
I recently made an appointment to see my family doctor. I saw him two days after the call. Around the same time, I’ve had to buy new socks because our washing machine broke down, there isn’t a Laundromat within walking distance, and the repairman couldn’t come for two weeks. Two weeks! I don’t suppose any of you protesting the long wait times for health care would join me in a protest of appliance repairme –
I thought not.
SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles
Just Don’t Call It “Plan B”
In the wake of the chaos in New Orleans as a result of Hurricane Katrina, people have been wondering if President Bush has a plan to deal with the devastation.
He certainly has.
In the face of criticism, the President intends to bravely announce the creation of a non-partisan commission to investigate why the government wasn’t better prepared. Behind the scenes, he will meritoriously advise everybody in his administration not to cooperate with the investigation, but to appear to be cooperating fully. After two years of this, the blame for poor government foresight and response will be placed squarely where it belongs: on the shoulders of the head of the CIA, who was solely responsible for “faulty intelligence.” Six months after he’s fired, he’ll be given a medal of freedom.
Say what you want about US President George W. Bush, but don’t accuse him of not having a plan.
SOURCE: Daily Semaphore
A Couple Of Tums Will Get Rid Of That Burning Sensation For You
While many people were celebrating the annual Burning Man festival, the French were trying to forget that, in their country, “burning man” refers to an elderly person in a poorly constructed home.
SOURCE: Art Splorts
But, Then, Many People Feel That Way About Bad Jokes
One of the key documents used as evidence that Ahmad El Maati was plotting a terrorist attack – and used to justify his torture in Syria and Egypt – was a map of Ottawa that the government itself issued and hands out to visitors to Canada’s capital city. And, this is funny, because most people who live there think that’s torture enough.
SOURCE: The National Whipping Post
Not Heartless – Empathy Challenged
Barbara Bush, the mother of all mothers of Presidents, declared Hurricane Katrina a success for the evacuees because “so many of the people in the arena here, you know, were underprivileged anyway, so this is working very well for them.” Although she didn’t say it, in her eyes you could see that she was thinking: “They're all animals anyway. All the animals come out at night: Whores, skunk pussies, buggers, queens, fairies, dopers, junkies, sick, venal. Someday a real rain will come and wash all this scum off the streets. Oh, wait. It has.”
Nice to see Barbara Bush is in touch with her inner Travis Bickle. All that therapy is obviously having absolutely no effect whatsoever.
While her son President Bush was shredding the social safety net to provide tax breaks for the rich (aka: “My base”), people were wondering if he had a plan to deal with the poor whose lives he was making worse. It is now revealed: he intended all along for a natural disaster to hit the country so that they could be showered with charity. He is expecting a plague of locusts to descend on New York before next year’s mid-term elections.
Say what you want about US President George W. Bush, but don’t accuse him of not having a plan.
SOURCE: The Day To Day Show, with Jon Tudor
You Don’t Need An Infinite Number Of Monkeys To Produce This Document – Just One Will Do
Britain has put forth a concise document containing a plan for reforming the United Nations and carrying forward with its goals to eradicate poverty, a plan endorsed by 175 other countries. American Ambassador to the UN John Bolton has proposed 750 changes be made to the 36 page draft plan. That’s over 20 changes per page. Bolton’s proposed changes include:
* changing page number 3 to page number 4 (because he’s had a phobia against the number 3 since he was a kid), necessitating changing page 4 to page 4b;
* changing the phrase “United Nations” to “nest of America-hating foreigners” throughout the document;
* replacing the phrase “respect for nature” with a small purple koala bear.
If adopted, the changes would turn the document from a plan for reform into a combination of the lyrics from the song “Gimme That Old Time Religion,” the instructions from a bicycle repair manual written in 1957 and several scenes from the TV movie Gilligan’s Island Goes Wild.
Despite almost constant claims that the United Nations is dysfunctional and needs to be changed, the American Ambassador is now the biggest obstacle to meaningful change at the institution.
Say what you want about US President George W. Bush, but don’t accuse him of not having a plan. An ill-conceived, counter-productive plan that doesn’t bear a whole lot of resemblance to reality, but at least he has it.
SOURCE: Toronto Startle