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Enjoy,Canada As A (Masochistic) State Of Mind
If an election is called for early this summer, you know what it's going to be like.
Conservative Party of Canada platform: Scandal. Scandal. Scandal. Scandal. Scandal. Scandal. Scandal. Scandal. Scandal. Scandal. Scandal. Scandal. Scandal. Scandal. Scandal. Scandal. Scandal. Scandal. Scandal. Scandal. Scandal. Scandal. Scandal. Scandal. Scaaaaaaaandaaaaaaallllllllll! Scandal. Scandal. Scandal.
Liberal Party platform: Who, me? I didn't do anything...
Yeah, this is something Canadians really need to be subjected to.
SOURCE: aye Weakly
Bankruptcy As A Badge Of Honour
How bad a businessman is Garth Drabinsky? In a year when one of the highest grossing films in the world was The Passion of the Christ and Christian voters were said to be the deciding factor in the American election, he made a film based on a Bible passage that lost a ton of money, and now his company, Visual Bible International, is in receivership with a $20 million debt.
Ah, the glamour of show business...
SOURCE: Entertainment Right Now
Counterfeit ice wine is destroying the market for the genuine Canadian product in China. What process should Canadian alcohol producers try next to open up a new market to compensate?
SOURCE: The Financial Riposte
Unless You Count The Gun He Kept Under His Pillow
Police investigating the murder of white supremacist leader Wolfgang Droege say that the killing wasn't related to his racist activities, that he was, in fact, killed by a friend. Groups that had felt his racist wrath have argued that this theory of the crime must be wrong, since Droege didn't have any friends.
SOURCE: Glob and Maul
When Nuclear Missiles Are Outlawed, Only Outlaws Will Have Nuclear Missiles
The United Nations General Assembly has approved a global treaty making it a crime for any person to possess radioactive material or a radioactive device with the intent to cause death or injury, or damage to property or the environment. The National Rifle Association is demanding that the United States not ratify the treaty, claiming that it interferes with Americans' constitutional right to bear arms.
"When the bad guys are coming at me," the aptly named Motor City Madman Ted Nugent commented, "I want to be able to fight them off with tactical nuclear warheads. You'll have to pry my nukes from my cold, dead, glowing fingers!"
SOURCE: The Postington Wash
Do Words Mean Anything Any More?
According to a recent headline, the International Monetary Fund claims that oil price volatility has been stalking the world economy. It's true! Oil prices have been seen following the world economy home from work and loitering outside its apartment for hours on end. Moreover, the world economy has been getting threatening emails which, although it cannot as yet be proven, authorities believe have been coming from oil price volatility. And, who if not oil price volatility keeps phoning the world economy at home and hanging up?
It is, indeed, a scary world...economy.
SOURCE: Alternate Reality News Service
The Difference Between Canada And A Petri Dish? The Petri Dish Supports Its Culture
So, I'm reading the newspaper, and I come across an article about "Canada's movie industry...trying to convince the government to crack down on camcording in theatres." And, I thought, who in their right mind would want to pirate Canadian movies? It's not like there's a market for them. Of course, the article was about the "Canadian movie industry" complaining about the piracy of American movies - somewhere, Jack Valenti is laughing maniacally. I mean even more than usual.
But, then I thought that maybe pirating Canadian movies isn't such a bad idea. Have citizens pass grainy black and white versions of Love and Sex and Eating the Bones with lousy sound around to each other - our own samizdat media! The best way to make something popular is to forbid people from having it, and, since the government doesn't appear to hate Canadian cinema quite that much, Canadian filmmakers must take the initiative and act like the government does.
You'd probably get more Canadians watching our movies this way than trying to get them into "Canadian" theatres...
SOURCE: Payback
SOURCE: Billy-Bob's International House O' Headlines
After more than a decade, the American government has decided to allow silicone breast implants to be used for cosmetic surgery. The argument is that the odds of the implants rupturing and causing physical harm to a women who has them is small, and that women should be allowed to weigh the benefits and the risks.
Why not? It's a woman's right to risk her health so that she can look "better" in a Girls Gone Wild video!
SOURCE: The Medical Industrial Complex
Safe As A Coyote In A Wind Tunnel
Quantum data encryption uses lasers to fire pulses of light down fibre optic cable. The polarisation patterns of the light particles - the spatial distribution of their waveforms - are the basis for the encoding. Attempts to intercept messages can be detected easily because they run afoul of Heisenberg's uncertainty principle: measurement of sub-atomic particles alters their parameters.
So, as long you don't accidentally leave your laptop in your unlocked car for a few hours or fax hard copies to a complete stranger in a foreign land, your data should be totally secure.
SOURCE: Scientific Canadian