The Daily Me – Lon Slobodchikoff

Annakin Skywalker is Darth Vader. Let’s see you enjoy the last installment of Star Wars now, sucker!

SOURCE: Ha Ha Sucker

No story could possibly live up to that headline. Economic competition theory taking a beating when another North American airline faces bankruptcy – sorry, I got nothing.

Yeah, sure, JetsGo apparently flew a dozen of its aircraft to Montreal before declaring bankruptcy in order to protect them, and, yeah, the planes were called Fokkers. Maybe a year ago I could have had fun with that, but, now? The movie Meet the Fokkers used up every joke you could possibly imagine about the name (and some you probably wouldn’t ever want to)! Really, I’m dry.

Enjoy the headline.

SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles

You might wonder why, with billions of dollars and the best equipped army in human history, the insurgency in Iraq keeps managing to kill people. (Well, you might wonder why if you’re not a Fox reporter.)

The Bush administration has assumed that if it killed or captured the leaders of the uprising, everybody below them would become confused and go off to sell Ben and Jerry’s on street corners. When they captured Saddam Hussein, they reasoned, the insurgency would end. Then, the insurgency would definitely end when they had captured or killed all of the people in their deck (only 11 of the 52 currently remain at large). Now, they are convinced that the insurgency will definitely, positively end when they have gotten rid of the Syrian and Iranian agitators in Iraq.

Do you see a pattern here?

Targeting individuals will only work if the insurgents are organized in a hierarchical structure like the one below:

Typical Organization Chart

Not surprisingly, this is the organizational structure of General Motors, Halliburton and even the White House. No wonder it looms large in Bush’s military strategy.

Organization of Typical Guerrilla Movement

By way of contrast, guerrilla armies have small cells which almost never communicate with each other, and don’t rely on each other for supplies or other support. Their structure is diagrammed above. Note that this looks more like a high school football playbook, albeit with slightly deadlier consequences.

So, if the United States is serious about bringing peace to Iraq, it will have to hire your high school phys ed teacher to lead the attack on the insurgents. And, you always thought he had no reason to exist!

SOURCE: Politics For Dummies

Dictionary definition of “leadership:” “the act or an instance of leading.”

Bush administration definition of “leadership:” “ignore the wishes of your people and do what I tell you to do.”

SOURCE: Michelle’s Obscure Pedantry Page

A British judge has ruled that video footage of Elizabeth Jagger engaging in “sexual activities” in an open field cannot be broadcast because she and her boyfriend had a “legitimate expectation of privacy” when they got there.

The rich – and their children – are truly different from you and I.

SOURCE: Daily Semaphore

This past week, the number of American soldiers who have been killed in Iraq passed 1,500. The American government commemorated this solemn moment by

SOURCE: The Postington Wash

Inspired by the film Million Dollar Baby, a spate of mercy killings has broken out across the United States. At least 18 people in Virginia, Ohio, Nebraska and Colorado have admitted to killing female boxers who had become paraplegic in a match with a dirty fighter and begged to die. One man in North Dakota claimed, “I couldn’t find a young female paraplegic, so I settled for an elderly man in a coma. I hope that’s okay…”

“Hollywood – and especially that bleeding heart Clint Eastwood – has a lot to answer for,” commented conservative film critic Michel “Off His” Medved on the killings.

SOURCE: Entertainment Right Now

President Bush has come under fire for nominating Deputy Defense Secretary Paul Wolfowitz for the position of President of the World Bank. Bush refused to acknowledge that Wolfowitz’ lack of a background in economics might be a problem since the World Bank’s main business is lending money to developing nations. In defense of the nomination, Bush did say, “Look. Paul was getting tired of destroying countries with weapons, and wanted to see if it was more fun destroying countries with tough economic adjustment regimes. I think he’s earned the right to find out.”

SOURCE: The Postington Wash

Some Native Canadian groups are applauding the American Senate’s vote to allow drilling for oil in Alaska. “Since the polar bears and seals in the area are gonna die anyway,” Chief Dan Gorge commented, “we might as well be allowed to hunt them.”

SOURCE: Toronto Startle

Former WorldCom CEO Bernard Ebbers was found guilty of fraud to the tune of $11 billion. The jury apparently was unimpressed with Ebbers’ “I’m just a stupid white man” defense. Filmmaker and author Michael Moore, in response to the verdict, said, “Okay, they may not all be stupid, but they’re all still white.”

SOURCE: The Financial Riposte

The Ring Two – don’t answer!

Be Cool – isn’t

Robots – clunky

Hostage – not worth the ransom

The Pacifier – sucks

Walk on Water – sinks

Hitch – I wanna divorce!

SOURCE: Five Second Movie Reviews

American drug czar John Walters stated, “The big new factor on the scene is the enormous growth of high-potency marijuana from Canada.” People, don’t waste your time looking for a transcript of Walters’ speech on the Internet – he doesn’t say where you can get any.

SOURCE: High Times and Misdemeanors