The Daily Me - Randy Zimmerman

The Gomery inquiry into the Liberal sponsorship scandal has heard that taxpayers were on the hook for $1,200 when the office of former Prime Minister Jean Chretien ordered 300 golf balls with his signature on them. The inquiry was assured, however, that the former Prime Minister's brass ones were entirely his own.

SOURCE: Toronto Stunned

A 57.9 per cent voting rate - the election was a success!

SOURCE: The Amazing Chocolate Yummies Blog

Girls with eyepatches - we've all fantasized about them. Now, there's a Web site that allows you to do more than just fantasize! girlswitheyepatches.com offers the best photos and videos of girls with eyepatches, doing what they do best: washing dishes, vacuuming dog hair off of car seats and, of course, running Fortune 500 Companies! If you ever wondered what really happens when the clothes come off and the eyepatches come on, wonder no more!

Not recommended for anybody under 18 years of age or anybody else who has a morbid fear of pirates.

SOURCE: Girls With Eyepatches

Former Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Barak was not allowed to speak at Concordia because of threats of violent protest from campus Arab groups. I thought universities were supposed to be bastions of free speech, a place where differing opinions could be shared and explored without fear. Academic freedom is an ideal that should be rigourously fought for.

Clearly, politically correct multiculturalism has run amok at our universities. These people have to be stopped! Shut down their Web sites! Get them fired from their newspapers and magazines! And, abolish tenure! Dammit, if they refuse to accept freedom of expression, we should find a way to just make them shut up!

SOURCE: The National Whipping Post

French philosopher Jacques Derrida died yesterday. His body will be deconstructed and buried at Our Lady of Intellectual Confusion, Saint Philip the Small and Pere Lachaise cemeteries. Don't send flowers - you would only be confirming your commitment to the master narrative of life and death.

SOURCE: Obits 'R Us

The report of the Iraq Survey Group, headed by Charles Duelfer, has determined that Iraq didn't have weapons of mass destruction, and hadn't had the capacity to build them for over a decade. Put on the rather high and unsteady pile of studies with similar conclusions, an American would be under a greater threat of being crushed under an avalanche of paper than dying at the hands of Saddam Hussein when he led the country.

SOURCE: The Postington Wash

Iraq has paid out $18 billion in reparations for its war against Kuwait. And, some of this is totally understandable. Nestle got $2.6 million in war reparations because dead babies don't need formula. Philip Morris' $1.3 million in war reparations is a little more puzzling: dead people may not smoke, but those who survive in a war zone are likely to increase their consumption of cigarettes because of the stress. But, hey, let's give them the benefit of the doubt. And, it is completely understandable that all those oil companies would want to be compensated for their lost revenue ($18 million to Halliburton, $2.3 million to Mobil, $1.6 million to Shell, et al) due to the war.

What I don't get are the individuals who are making claims for compensation because they lost a limb or a relative in the war. People, your personal tragedies are your own business - for god's sake, get your noses out of the trough!

SOURCE: Saturday Night, Fevered

You want to know how much the world has changed since I was a kid? A 13 year-old student at lower Canada College was caught selling fake $10 bills to other students in order to pay off his gambling debts. When I was 13 years old, my major preoccupations were sneaking into The Exorcist and trying to figure out how to undo the snaps on Michelle Karensky's training bra!

SOURCE: The Quick and the Detwiler

Trey Parker and Matt Stone, creators of the hit television series South Park, have a new film out: Team America: World Police. However, while they gleefully hope audiences will be offended by the film, they don't want potential viewers to get the wrong impression. "Team America is not a political film," explains Parker, "we just like seeing Hollywood liberals being torn limb from limb."

SOURCE: Entertainment Right Now

Reader Opinion: What word most accurately describes President George W. Bush's insistence that Saddam Hussein's Iraq posed an immediate threat to the United States of America?

Amanda Daye-Planna, 37, social worker: psychotic.

Ephram Zarkon, 56, rocket scientist: psychotic.

Jonathan Deluck, 77, retired: steadfast.

Miriam Zappata, 22, waitress-stock broker: what's that word that means out of touch with reality? Oh, yeah - psychotic.

SOURCE: USA Whenever

Environmental group ForestEthics has started a campaign against lingerie giant Victoria's Secret. "This is absurd," company spokesman Ron Weasely (the real person, not the Harry Potter character) stated. "Our lingerie takes next to no resources to create because we keep it as skimpy as possible! And, look at our models - if they were any thinner, they would be non-existent! Their footprint on the environment is negligible!"

When it was pointed out that Victoria's Secret distributes over 395 million copies of its catalogues a year, a tremendous use of paper, Weasely responded: "Well, there's just no pleasing some people, is there?"

SOURCE: Women's Wear Daily Worker