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Enjoy,Republicans were outraged when, during the final debate with President Bush, Presidential candidate John Kerry stated that Vice President Dick Cheney's daughter Mary was, in fact, a "woman," that there was nothing wrong with her being a woman and that she should have all of the rights and benefits of any citizen of the United States.
Key Republicans jumped all over the remark. Long-time conservative activist Gary Bauer sees Kerry's comments as a political maneuver aimed at keeping Christian voters at home: "I think it is part of a strategy to suppress traditional-values voters, to knock 1 or 2 percent off in some rural areas by causing people to turn on the president," Bauer said.
Meanwhile, Vice President Cheney called the remark "the worst kind of gutter politics." The fact that, just the night before, he had hugged his daughter on national television and said that he was proud of her womanhood seemed to have completely slipped his mind.
SOURCE: The Postington Wash
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This is Your Government, This Is Your Government On Anti-terrorism Legislation
Packages arriving at the Canadian border that do not have a return address clearly marked on them will be returned to their senders. But, if they don't have a clear return address on them...
SOURCE: The Non-existent Pages
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A shortage of flu medicine due to contamination problems at a British production facility has left the Bush government with a difficult dilemma. Does it get supplies of the flu vaccine from Canada, having spent the better part of the last two months warning Americans that drugs coming from Canada will probably give them obscure medical conditions rarely seen on TV, assuming it doesn't outright kill them? Or, does it get additional supplies from those vaccine eating surrender monkeys in France? "If he was more aware of the world," one White House insider, who can expect a stern talking to from Karl Rove any day now, stated, "the President's head would explode."
SOURCE: Glob and Maul
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Breathing's A Bitch, But Twice As Much Poop Is Likely
What Canada will look like if anybody takes Conservative leader Stephen Harper's suggestion that we take Belgium as our political model:
SOURCE: Politics For Dummies
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The American remake of the Japanese film Ju-on, known in English as The Grudge, is better than the recent remake of The Ring, possibly because it was shot in Japan by the original Japanese director. Using this logic, the next remake of a Japanese horror movie will be better if it is shot in Japan, by the original director and starring the original cast. The best American remake of a Japanese horror film would, logically, be shot in Japan, with the original Japanese director and cast and the original Japanese language screenplay.
SOURCE: Entertainment Right Now
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The Stuff Serial Killers Are Made Of
Jock and Bradley. Follows the adventures of two thuggish brothers, one of whom will grow up to be President of a union, the other of whom will grow up to be dead. Tonight: Bradley talks a reluctant Jock into putting a water hose into the mouths of frogs to see how much they can drink before they explode.
SOURCE: Ukrainian TV Guide
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Our Loss Is...Well...Your Loss, Too
Price: how can you put a price on credibility? (make us an offer)
Time Left: 22 hours 37 minutesStart Time: Oct-22-04 21:00:00 PDT
Quantity: one
History: Imperial Tobacco is being sued by a smoker who claims that cigarettes labeled "light" and "mild" were just as harmful to users' health as other cigarettes. The tobacco company is claiming that the federal government forced it adopt low tar cigarettes in the 1970s even though it was told that they may not have offered any health benefits. The current Liberal government, which has opposed the cigarette companies in many areas, including considering asking them to stop calling cigarettes light or mild three years ago, has decided to fight alongside the tobacco companies against consumers.
Item Location: Supreme Court of British Columbia
Description: Integrity. Despite being little used, it is in tatters, and the instructions got lost at some point in the past. Still, a novelty item with sentimental value for some.
SOURCE: ehBay
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The Good Ambassador, Bad Ambassador Ploy
US Ambassador Paul Cellucci has an odd relationship with Canada.
CELLUCCI: So, you don't like the current administration in the White House? Wipe that grin off your face, punk! You think John Kerry is going to be better for you?
CANADA: As a matter of fact...
CELLUCCI: Think again! If Kerry gets in, expect a lot more protectionism! Don't kid yourself, punk! A John Kerry administration is your worst nightmare!
CELLUCCI: Paul...Paul! Take it easy!
CELLUCCI: I can't stomach this stupidity! I'm going for a breath of fresh air!
CELLUCCI: You okay, kid?
CANADA: What's his problem?
CELLUCCI: He's just a patriot concerned about the future safety of his country.
CANADA: He needs to lighten up.
CELLUCCI: Can I get you anything? Soft drink? Comfortable chair?
CANADA: I'm good, thanks.
CELLUCCI: Shame about the ban on Alberta beef, isn't it?
CANADA: I guess...
CELLUCCI: You know, it's not the fault of the Republicans - it's all of those darn liberal protectionists in Congress. But, if President Bush was reelected, he would have the power to put an end to this silliness once and for all.
CANADA: You think?
CELLUCCI: I know.
CANADA: But -
CELLUCCI: Kid, I got your best interests at heart. Trust me...
SOURCE: Politics For Dummies
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