Thank you, Dr. Dick Head, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. You know that your name is an invitation to verbal abuse, right? If we took up such an inviting invitation, you would complain, though, wouldn’t you? Yeah, you’re probably really sensitive – growing up with such a name, how could you not be? Complaint…comedy. Comedy…complaint. That was when our heads exploded.
Enjoy,Remember When We Thought Stephen Harper Keeping His Ministers On A Short Leash Was A Bad Thing?
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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No, Apparently Every Problem Demands An Immediate, Long-term, High Cost Tax Cut
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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Mortal. Ignorant. Fallible. Self-centred. Occasionally Angeli – Dammit! This Is Harder Than It Looks!
MONDAY: If Jerry Bruckheimer loves the music of The Who so much, why does he allow it to be so badly butchered when he uses it as the theme music of his CSI shows?
TUESDAY: ABC News anchorman Charles Gibson just turned 65. Funny – he doesn’t look a day over 12. If he had any compassion, he would let science use his blood as an elixir of youth, but some people just can’t see the bigger picture.
WEDNESDAY: I like pancakes. Making them is a lost art. Maybe I should just inject maple syrup directly into my veins.
THURSDAY: Alanis Morissette was given a lifetime achievement award at the Canadian Radio Music Awards as part of her induction into the Canadian Music Industry Hall of Fame. She’s 33. And, here, I thought human life expectancy was increasing! In desperation, I asked my friends if there was such a thing as “musician years” – you know, like dog years, for musicians – but they had never heard such a thing. I need younger friends! It wasn’t because dating Ryan Reynolds takes decades off your life expectancy, either, although I had suspected that even before the breakup.
Alanis was given a lifetime achievement award at 33. I don’t have much time left to achieve anything notable…apparently…
FRIDAY: The Toronto Star is running a contest to see who can most interestingly sum up their life in six words. I thought: how hard can it be? My life in six words? Birth. Dream. Disappointment. Disillusion. Decline. Death. No, wait: that’s everybody’s life.
SATURDAY: Okay, look. I know that we’re all born under a death sentence, time and method of execution unknown. Still, that doesn’t mean we can’t show a little esprit de corpse.
SUNDAY: Yeah, record snowfalls make me morose. What’s your excuse?
SOURCE: Random Thoughts and Blood Clots Home Page
[http:suzie.randomthoughts&bloodclots.blogspeck.com]
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Roadhouse Ribs Will Never Taste As Sweet Again
Musician Jeff Healey has died at the age of 41 of Cancer. George Harrison’s guitar gently weeps once more.
SOURCE: Obits ‘R Us
[http://www.king.ids.net/~bdlm/obits_r_us.html]
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Customer Disservice
Toronto Stunned Complaint Report
Tuesday, March 4. Customer complains that he is getting seven day a week delivery when he only wants Sunday delivery. Customer service representative explains that it is a free trial. Customer smugly claims that he knows that it’s a ploy to increase circulation figures so that the newspaper can charge more for advertising. Customer service representative silently makes note in file about “this troublemaker.” Customer demands to have only Sunday subscription. Smiling to herself, customer service representative says it will be done.
Friday, March 7. Customer complains that he had asked to have seven day delivery cut back to Sunday only delivery, but that the weekday newspapers are still being delivered. Customer service representative says that yes, somebody made a notation in his file to that effect. When customer irately asks why it wasn’t acted upon, customer service representative claims that it must be a rogue paper delivery representative, and that the issue will be dealt with.
Monday, March 11. Customer angrily demands that subscription be canceled. Customer service representative, although she has his full file in front of her, asks why. He repeats claim that he doesn’t want seven day delivery. When she starts to explain that the newspaper is free, he screams that it takes him an hour to read, and since he works for $90 an hour, the newspaper actually costs him almost $100 a day. Customer sales representative sympathizes and assures him that, if he just keeps his Sunday delivery, she will personally see to it that he doesn’t get the newspapers that he doesn’t want. Customer reluctantly agrees.
Wednesday, March 13. Customer apoplectically demands his subscription be canceled, citing three previous attempts at getting rid of the daily service. Customer service representative agrees to cancel his subscription. Customer service representative makes notation in his file to double the number of newspapers delivered to his address.
SOURCE: The Smoking Gut
[http://www.thesmokinggut.com/archive/1080962802453747486cahs01.html]
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Not Only That, But There’s Nothing To Base The Allegation That Clinton Is A Crass, Grasping Pol Who Will Pander To Any Ugly Prejudice In Order To Win Her Party’s Nomina – Oh, Wait, There Is Evidence For THAT – Sorry, Our Bad
Asked on CBS’s 60 Minutes whether she believed rumors claiming that Obama was a closet Muslim, rival Hillary Clinton responded: “No, no, why would I? There is nothing to base that on. As far as I know.”
Absolutely correct. Just as there is nothing to base the idea that Clinton held lesbian orgies in the White House basement when her husband Bill was President on…as far as I know. Just as there is absolutely no truth to the belief that Clinton is actually a man who had gender reassignment surgery when he was 22 and is planning to include mandatory abortions for any pregnant woman over the age of 17 in his/her first health care legislation, as far as I know.
This kind of half-hearted, winking denial is a disgusting political practice. As far as I know.
SOURCE: Clean Slate
[http://cleanslate.com/id/2671251/]
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