Thank you, Del the Funky Homosapien, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Are you related to Pete Shelley, who sang the song “Homosapien?”
Enjoy,Short Attention Span Political Announcements
“Canada has no problem handing prisoners over to the Afghanistan government because it doesn’t torture people. And, when I say this, I really mean that the evidence suggests that Afghanistan does torture prisoners, but we don’t have any choice but to hand prisoners over to the government because we don’t have the ability to look after them ourselves. Of course, we must have found a way of dealing with prisoners because we stopped handing them over to the Afghanistan government two months ago. The army didn’t tell the Conservative government about this change in policy. Oh, I’m sorry, I misspoke: the Canadian government did know about the change in policy. That’s the government’s position, and we’re sticking to it.”
How hard it must be to be the spokesperson for a government that has nothing to say to its people, but so much media to say it in!
SOURCE: Toronto Startle
[http://www.thestartle.com/NASApp/cs/ContentServer?pagename=thestartle/Layout/Article_Type1&c=Article&cid=1088591831813&call_pageid=968335278492&col=968666972154&antacid=TUMS]
more
Finally, A Government That Knows How To Put The Cart Before The Dead Horse!
Some people have been arguing that complaints about vote rigging in Pakistan in the run-up to the February 18 election signify that the country is not ready for democracy. I say that Pakistan could teach us a lot about democracy, starting with efficiency. After all, in our elections, accusations of rigged ballots don’t happen until after the voting!
SOURCE: Daily Semaphore
[http://www.opinion.semaphore.co.uk/opinion/main.jhtml;sessionid=2]
more
As Long As The Electricity Holds Out And The Cryogenic Chamber Is Secure – Be Sure To Wake Us Up When The Economic Mayhem Is Over
SOURCE: Billy-Bob’s International House O’ Headlines
[http://www.com/lol.pdqfc.wwygw.wyswyg/fid=2856534038]
more
Must Eeeeeeeeek! Viewing
7 pm. Imedi (Georgia). Dead air.
Geo-TV (Pakistan). Twenty three minutes seven seconds of news, followed by eleven minutes forty-two seconds of arguments and gunfire, followed by dead air.
8 pm. Imedi (Georgia). Dead air.
Geo-TV (Pakistan). Dead air continues.
9 pm. Imedi (Georgia). Dead air.
Geo-TV (Pakistan). Dead air continues.
SOURCE: Ukrainian TV Guide
[http://www.tvguide.ua/listings/index.asp?referrerID=0&returnurl=%2Flistings%2Findex%2Easp%3F®Mode=0]
more
About Their Masculinity, They Doth Protest Too Much
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
more
Manley, Yes, But I Like It, Too
Okay, let me see if I’ve got this straight. Prime Minister Harper selects five pro-American military hawks to write a report that he knows will favour a continued Canadian military presence in Afghanistan. They write a report that favours a continued Canadian military presence in Afghanistan.
This is news?
SOURCE: Karl’s Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism
[http://www.bigred.commie/articles/74.htm]
more
How Many Atheists Can Dance On The Head Of A Pin?
The Dawkins DelusionOften strident and willfully offensive, this polemic nonetheless makes a valuable argument for believing that Richard Dawkins does not exist, and that people who base their lives on his existence are sadly deluded, and possibly dangerous.
SOURCE: Unread Book News
[http://217.204.41.48/cgi/NGoto/2/64382861?3518]
more
We’re So Ashamed Of Ourselves That We’re Putting This In The Anniversary Show
Now that he’s dead, nine things Heath Ledger will never do:
9. Sing a duet with Amy Winehouse.SOURCE: Late Tonight with David Lenoman
[http://marketing.ubs.com/latetonight/latetonightshow/list]
more
Would A Flashlight And A Map Help Your Search?
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
more
Fulfilling Doctor King’s Dream One Slime Attack At A Time
Word out of the Hillary Clinton camp is that rival Barack Obama’s youthful drug use could be used by Republicans to attack his character if he was chosen as the Democratic Presidential candidate. In order to ensure that this doesn’t happen, Clinton supporters have attacked Obama for his youthful drug use first.
SOURCE: USA Whenever
[http://www.usawhenever.com/news/national/2008-01-15-makes-(non)sense_x.htm]
more
What About Sergei Brin? How Could You Forget Sergei Brin?
History For People With No Time For History
Charles Babbage’sNobody said the future was going to make sense
SOURCE: Poetry, Cornered
[http://www.cibc.com/ca/personal/poetrycorner/214.html]
more
Brevity Is The Soul Of Television
9pm. All networks. State of the Union Address. In solidarity with striking television writers, the President appears with a scraggly beard. His speech, which he wrote himself, lasts less than 10 seconds: “I’m doin’ a great job, see. Thank you very much.” All the pundits agree that it’s the best speech he has given in his political career.
SOURCE: Ukrainian TV Guide
[http://www.tvguide.ua/listings/index.asp?referrerID=0&returnurl=%2Flistings%2Findex%2Easp%3F®Mode=0]
more