Thank you, Humberto Humberto Hodge, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Recently, our opening paragraph featured a vivid description of an alien attack on our offices. Many readers pointed out that we already did that two years ago. Well. If this was television, it would have been a rerun, or possibly a DVD reissue. If it was a movie, it would have been a rep cinema release. If it was print, it would be a second printing. What we’re trying to say is: SUCK IT UP! What works for other media works for us. Haven’t you read Remediation?
Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff
To Be Fair, There Are Probably Other Things Canadians Could Find In The Dark With Both Hands And A Flashlight…
Prime Minister Stephen Harper was asked, in the face of polls that show a solid majority of Canadians do not support continuing the military mission in Afghanistan, if Canadians understood what was at stake. “I don’t know whether Canadians do – or don’t – understand,” he responded.
The Prime Minister is right. Canadians are morons. Dummies. Stupid. Stooooopid. Oh, we’re nice enough, but we don’t have the sense god gave a bowl of guacamole dip. Wouldn’t be able to find our national interest in the dark if we used both hands and a flashlight. Just not that bright.
How could we possibly not understand the rationale behind the Canadian contribution to the war in Afghanistan when it is stable for as much as a week or two at a time, and it’s only contradictory every two out of three changes? And, what kind of faulty logic would be at work to cause a majority of Canadians not to support the mission just because they believe it was motivated more by a need to please the current American administration than any desire to help the Afghan people?
Yep. Canadians are idiots. Thank goodness we have an intellectual like Stephen Harper to take us by the hand and patiently walk us through what we cannot appreciate on our own!
SOURCE: This 22 Minutes Feels Like An Hour
[http://www.mothercorp.ca/hour22minutes/]
more
Maybe Santa Needs To Lay Off The Moo Juice For A While
Dear Santa,
I just found out that my wife of 13 years has been cheating me on. What should I do?
Sincerely,Dear Fred,
Sit down with a nice plate of cookies and milk. I find that nothing gets me out of a funk faster than a heaping helping of processed sugar and moo juice. Make sure it’s one per cent moo juice – us jolly old fat men gotta watch the cholesterol, after all. Then dump the bitch! Obviously, she’s been naughty, and you deserve someone nice.
Happy Holidays,SOURCE: Ask Santa A Question
[http://www.asksantaaquestion.ca]
more
A Week Tuesday
If we do it often enough, when does rendition stop being extraordinary?
SOURCE: The Amazing Chocolate Yummies Blog
[http://www.chocoyummies.net/]
more
Harkness, The Herald Angels Sing
Now film reviewer John Harkness has passed away. While the main character was entertainingly larger than life, his life ended abruptly with no real resolution. We’re sure that, had he known, Harkness would have wanted it to go through at least one more rewrite before making it public.
SOURCE: Obits ‘R Us
[http://www.king.ids.net/~bdlm/obits_r_us.html]
more
Get Your Head Out Of Your Superstructure, Karl!
Jamie Lynn Spears is pregnant! And, she’s unmarried! And, she’s only 16!
So, who is Janie Lynn Spears?
My friends explained to me that Jamie Lynn Spears is Britney Spears sister. Oh, well, that made it all clear.
Who is Britney Spears?
SOURCE: Karl’s Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism
[http://www.bigred.commie/articles/71.htm]
more
I’ll Bet Stephen Harper Was Moved
Afghanistan’s Ambassador to Canada argued that visits by French President Nicolas Sarkozy, Italian Prime Minister Romano Prodi and Australian Prime Minister Kevin Rudd were “a political signal…that they consider Afghanistan a very important world issue.”
Not important enough to send soldiers to the most dangerous regions of the country to support Canadian troops, of course, but certainly important enough for state visits and the mouthing of empty platitudes.
SOURCE: Toronto Startle
[http://www.thestartle.com/NASApp/cs/ContentServer?pagename=thestartle/Layout/Article_Type1&c=Article&cid=1088561831813&call_pageid=968335296492&col=963376972154]
more
Hey! It’s Their Business, So Bhutto Out!
On the day she was assassinated, Benazir Bhutto had planned on revealing allegations of the involvement of Pakistan’s intelligence agencies in rigging the country’s elections. It’s a good thing everybody knows that she was killed by an AL Qaeda offshoot, because this would have otherwise made it look like somebody in power bumped her off…
In other foreign news that we kind of have to pay attention to because we’re sort of responsible for it: the Pakistan People’s Party has chosen Bilawal Bhutto Zardari, son of slain leader Benazir Bhutto, as its leader. How? Bhutto bequeathed the leadership to him in her will.
My first response was: somebody’s not clear on the concept of democracy. Then, after looking at George W. Bush and Hillary Clinton, it occurred to me that the person who’s not clear on the concept of democracy could be me…
Then, I read that Bilawal was only 19 years old, he barely speaks the main languages of Pakistan and his corrupt father, Asif Ali Zardari will actually run the PPP until he has graduated from college. Thinking about Dick Cheney, I realized that, yeah, I was definitely the person unclear on the concept of democracy…
SOURCE: Daily Semaphore
[http://www.opinion.semaphore.co.uk/opinion/main.jhtml;sessionid=M5UF26LWOLFFPQFIQMFSM5WAVCBQ0JVC?nextPage=/DUereDE/wXeR.WZvwF?3wF~/DUereDE/s119/Os/14/JD141O.7wF!2qZiiv~/DUeReDR/s119/Os/14/e7DUeReDR.ZvwF!2iG3gimmeshelt2Z~er3i&resize=null&_requestid=21213]
more
Thinking With Our Stomachs Is What Got Us Into This Mess In The First Place, Jack – You Might Want To Aim A Little Higher
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
more
That’s One Place To Scratch, I Suppose…
The President was sitting in the Oval Office when poodle Peter trotted in and started barking at him.
“What’s that, boy?” the President asked. “You say that Timmy fell down a well?”
Peter barked louder and with more urgency.
“That’s not it?” the President said to his faithful lapdog. “It’s Iran? Iran is destabilizing the Middle East by…by arming the Taliban?”
The President scratched Peter behind the ear. “Good dog. Good boy,” he smirked. “I’ll get right on that.”
SOURCE: This 22 Minutes Feels Like An Hour
[http://www.mothercorp.ca/hour22minutes/]
more