Thank you, William “Can’t See The Trees For” DeForrest, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Look, we know we shouldn’t be sending erotic emails to people we barely knew 20 years ago, but the technology makes it so damn easy…
Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff
David Chase WTF?
9pm. HBO. The Sopranos. The series ends as it began: great food, horrible people.
SOURCE: Ukrainian TV Guide
[http://www.tvguide.ua/listings/index.asp?referrerID=0&returnurl=%2Flistings%2Findex%2Easp%3F®Mode=0]
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The Day Rocket Science Stopped Being The Measure Of Intellectual Rigour
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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The Gang That Couldn’t Investigate Straight Gets A New Target
The Supreme Court of Canada has ruled that the Charter of Rights and Freedoms does not apply overseas. The ruling was in a case where the RCMP carried out searches abroad as part of a money laundering investigation, but it could have wide-ranging applications.
“We take this matter very seriously,” an RCMP representative said on the record. Off the record, she added, “Woo hoo! Par-tay! From now on, we’re conducting all of our investigations in the south of France!”
SOURCE: Toronto Stunned
[http://www.canoodle.com/NewsStand/TorontoStunned/News/2007/05/29/501827.html]
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Some Questions Have No Answers – Quick! Start A University Department To Study Them!
The suicide bomber is probably the purest instantiation of Gilles Deleuze and Felix Guattari’s boundary obliterating “nomad” in the world today. Do you think either of them has been put on a no-fly list?
SOURCE: Michelle’s Obscure Pedantry Page
[http://www.MichellesOPP.ca/blogger.html]
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The Sports World Goes Quackers – And The Bad Puns Have Only Just Begun
It’s bad enough that the Stanley Cup has been won by a team that started as a bad movie and became a reality when its corporate parent saw the ultimate tie-in potential. The fact that the team is called the Mighty Ducks just adds insult to the injury.
You hear that? That’s the sound of other sports laughing at hockey.
Baseball is laughing its ass off. American football is chuckling heartily while Canadian football is stifling a grin behind a semi-serious frown. Basketball is all in hockey’s face about this. Even wrestling is having a good belly laugh at hockey’s expense. Wrestling!
How will the NHL ever live this down?
SOURCE: The Schwartz Sports Report
[http://www.schwartzsportsreport.com/ssr-news.shtml#56238198965]
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Mr. Thin Skin Meets Mr. Hot Head
Feeling his oats at the G8 summit – I don’t know what “feeling his oats” means, but I’ve always wanted to say it – Prime Minister Stephen Harper lectured Russian President Vladimir Putin on the nature of democracy. Specifically, Harper told Putin that he must allow protests against his policies.
Putin, sensitive about his commitment to democracy, was about to protest vigourously, when Harper added that he could always count on his friends in the RCMP to break up protests if they got too large and his friends in the media to ridicule the protestors and their causes. You have to let people protest, but you are certainly under no obligation to pay any attention to them. Smiling when he heard this, Putin responded, “Ah, this is somebody I can do business with.”
SOURCE: Glob and Maul
[http://www.globandmaul.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20070602.eladvote0607_@/BNStory/newsMeetingOfTheMindless2007/]
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Caught You Looking!
How Celebrity Works, A Reenactment
CELEBRITY: Look at me.
YOU: No.
CELEBRITY: Look at me.
YOU: I’m busy.
CELEBRITY: Look at me.
YOU: Really, I’m busy. Go away.
CELEBRITY: Look at me.
YOU: Seriously, I don’t have the time right now. Please go away.
CELEBRITY:LOOK AT ME!
YOU: No!
CELEBRITY: Look at me! Look at me! Look at me! Look at me!
YOU: Stop it!
CELEBRITY: LOOK! AT! ME!
YOU: Okay. Okay. Yes, yes, I’m looking at you. Very entertain –
CELEBRITY: Don’t look at me. I need my privacy…
SOURCE: Entertainment For Dummies
[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/entertainmentfordummies/home.asp?did=473&dir=bb]
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I Knew These Were Times Of Diminished Expectations, I Just Didn’t Realize HOW Diminished They Were
SOURCE: Billy-Bob’s International House O’ Headlines
[http://www.com/lol.pdqfc.wwygw.wyswyg/fid=1676544028]
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Making Literary Deconstruction Work For You
Have you ever thought to yourself that the joy of reading would be so much more…joyous if only there weren’t so many damn words involved? Honestly: you have to wade through lots of words to get to the ones you really want to read. Take George Orwell’s Nineteen Eighty-four, for example: you have to read over 2,300 words before the first time you see the word “newspeak!” Think of what you could have done with the time it took to read those 2,300 words!
Projet Gteberg aims at making the reading process simpler for those of you who want the cultural cachet of knowing great literature without the drudgery of having to read any of it. We take classic (read: non-copyrighted) material and remove every third vowel and fourth consonant. This greatly streamlines the reading process, leaving you more time to…do whatever it is people like you need to do so badly.
Perhaps an example would help. Let’s consider the first few lines of T. S. Eliot’s classic (read: in the public domain) poem “The Hollow Men:”
We ar te holl menYou see? Simpler and easier to read. Imagine the three seconds you saved reading this small passage multiplied by the hundreds of thousands, possibly millions of words you will read over the rest of your life, then imagine what you could be doing with all of the time you saved!
Projet Gteberg – helping make literature accessible for people who hate to read.
SOURCE: Projet Gteberg Me Pag
[http://www.gteberg.org/wiki/Main_Page]
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