And A Good Daiieeeeeeeeeeeeeuhhhh To You, Sir
This is Gerald. Say hello, Gerald.
“Daiieeeeeeeeeeeeeuhhhh!”
Gerald’s parents know that in this competitive world, the only way Gerald will succeed is if he has an education at a good school. The problem is that Gerald has the IQ of a bowl of tapioca pudding. And, quite a shallow bowl, at that.
Today, Gerald would be doomed to a life of mediocrity running his father’s media empire into the ground after his old man kicked the bucket. But, it doesn’t have to be that way. If Gerald’s father was only allowed to pay for a position for him at a prestigious Canadian university, Gerald could take his rightful place among Canada’s corporate elite, getting jobs ruining companies the old fashioned way – by earning them!
Private Universities – Affirmative Action For Stupid Rich People
SOURCE: The Chronicle of Lower Education
[http://lowerchronicle.com/weekly/v53/i36/36a02601.htm]
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No Question, He Has The Mark Of McCain On Him
You know what the saddest part of John McCain getting off the Straight Talk Express so that he could travel by Bullshit Cattle Car is? It’s not going to help him win the Republican presidential nomination. Does McCain really think the religious right is going to forget that he called them “agents of intolerance?” These people haven’t forgotten that Shem overcharged Sarah for two mules and a bag of rice, and that happened over two thousand years ago!
SOURCE: The Day To Day Show, with Jon Tudor
[http://www.comedycentric.com/tv_shows/thedaytodayshowwithjontudor/headlines_pol.jhtml]
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Oh, To Be Young, Naïve And Mono-ocular
A lot of people have been asking us lately where the parrots are. This is the Girls With Eyepatches Web site, not the Pirate Girls Web site. There are no parrots here. There are no women with peg legs. Nobody says, “Aaaar, matey!” unless they’re having a stroke.
Our girls do wholesome things, like laundry and dishes and reading passages from Philip Roth novels. They just do them wearing eyepatches. True, the temporary loss of binocular vision occasionally leads to some amusing photographs, but none dealing with waylaying unsuspecting merchant vessels on the high seas.
Some of the confusion may lie in the similarities of our URLs: ours is www.girlswitheyepatches.com, theirs is www.girlswitheyepatches.edu. We’re not sure why the Pirate Girls Web site would choose a URL so close to ours, but we have contacted them about this mix-up and are confident that it will be cleared up in no time.
SOURCE: Girls With Eyepatches
[http://www.girlswitheyepatches.com]
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Because The World Needed A New Definition Of Cruelty
An online petition to free Paris Hilton from jail has gotten a lot of attention recently. The authors of the petition have agreed with Hilton’s assessment that sending somebody as fabulous as she is to jail is heartless and “cruel.”
Oddly, the names of the two people who started the petition do not appear on the document, but their email addresses do: jamalq@campxray.guantanamo.mil and jamalr@campxray.guantanamo.mil. American officials refused to comment directly on the possibility that prisoners at Guantanamo Bay feel sympathy for the hotel heiress, saying only that, “We do not torture prisoners. If they have any feelings towards Paris Hilton, they honestly came upon them on their own.”
SOURCE: USA Whenever
[http://www.usawhenever.com/news/national/2007-05-01-suffer-the-heiresses_x.htm]
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We Will Stand Down When They Do Stand Up
NATO members failed to offer any extra troops for a tough peacekeeping mission in southern Afghanistan at talks on Wednesday. When they stopped laughing, they agreed that the opening act, Canadian comic General Rick Hillier, was hilarious, and peppered him with questions about whether he would become a cast member of Saturday Night Live next season or get his own HBO special.
SOURCE: Toronto Startle
[http://www.thestartle.com/NASApp/cs/ContentServer?pagename=thestartle/Layout/Article_Type1&c=Article&cid=1088591831831813&call_pageid=968332978492&col=968253972154]
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Basic Tenets Of War
From At the Center of the Storm: My Years at the CIA, George Tenet’s rules for being a successful CIA director:
1. Go along to get along.SOURCE: Unread Book News
[http://217.204.41.26/cgi/NGoto/2/64382861?3518]
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The Trick Is To Set Your Expectations Low…Really Low
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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Drugs May Have Been Involved
The Big Lie DownAfter his strident anti-liberal screed, The Big Lie, David Solway needed a time out. His publisher sent him into a corner to think more deeply about the world. When that didn’t work, it was suggested that he go to bed in a dark, quiet room and collect his thoughts. The Big Lie Down is the result.
This is a very short book.
SOURCE: Unread Book News
[http://217.204.41.24/cgi/NGoto/2/64382861?3518]
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Damn You, Ad Company, For Knowing Our Weakness!
For too long, the government of Canada has ignored the fact that greenhouse gas emissions have been increasing, threatening our health and way of life. So, we’ve got the biggest, deepest, most serious voice money could buy to do radio commercials on the subject to show just how seriously committed we are to doing something about it.
SOURCE: C-DIK – Big Dick Radio
[http://www.edgy095.com/]
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Comforting The Comfortable Or Cutting Off And Feeding Them Their Sexual Organs – Tough Call…
Who did a better job of hosting the Washington correspondents’ dinner, this year’s Rich Little or last year’s Stephen Colbert? Let’s go to the chart.
| Rich Little | Stephen Colbert |
|---|---|
| Is he still alive? | Right wishes he was dead. |
| Opens by saying he’s not a satirist. | Opened by saying he’s not a journalist. |
| Does impressions of dead presidents. | Does an impression of a right-wing nutbar. |
| Won’t be making the rounds on YouTube. | Put a frame of his YouTube appearance on a t-shirt. |
| Made Carl Rove laugh. | Made Carl Rove cringe. |
Close call.
Who do you think will be asked back next year?
Who do you think SHOULD be asked back next year?
SOURCE: Wryerson Journalism Review
[http://www.wryerson.ca/wrj/online/majunder-jones217.html]
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