Thank you, Jones Walker Waechter Pointevent Carrere & Denegre, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Then, the entire staff spontaneously combusted. Fortunately, it wasn’t serious and, once we get the carpet replaced, things should be back to normal.
Enjoy,Poo-tee-weet
Kurt Vonnegut has become unstuck in time.
SOURCE: Obits ‘R Us
[http://www.king.ids.net/~bdlm/obits_r_us.html]
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I’m Comforted By The Knowledge That They Have A Plan…
Canada and the United States are now prodding their allies to contribute more to the war in Afghanistan. This is a distinct change from last week, when the policy was to request the assistance of allies in Afghanistan, and substantially different from the week before, when the policy was to ask for allies to contribute more to the Afghan war.
According to sources within the Ministry of Defense, if the prodding doesn’t produce the desired results, the next step will be for the government to plead with allies to do more in Afghanistan. Should that fail, the Harper government has not ruled out begging allies for more resources, although it does see this tactic as a last resort.
SOURCE: This 22 Minutes Feels Like An Hour
[http://www.mothercorp.ca/hour22minutes/]
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57 Channels And Nothing (But Tragedy) On
7pm. FOX. News flow. Cho Seung-Hi: a violent psychopath, or merely evil?
7pm. CNN. News Flow. High school rampage: what every student should know about being a hero before you die.
7pm. CNBC. News flow. Student massacre: could the videogame Student Massacre be to blame?
7pm. ROBTV. News flow. Making a killing off killings: time to sell Smith and Wesson stocks short?
7pm. SpliffyVision. News flow. Diet or Die?: could eating more peanut butter help the parts of the brain that deal with empathy develop in serial killers and mass murderers?
7pm. NewsWorld. News flow. Where does the rest of the news go when we become fixated on another nation’s local tragedy?
7pm. NewsNet. News Flow. Soul-searching coverage about the value of soul-searching coverage of another nation’s local tragedy.
SOURCE: Ukrainian TV Guide
[http://www.tvguide.ua/listings/index.asp?referrerID=0&returnurl=%2Flistings%2Findex%2Easp%3F®Mode=0]
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As Oscar Wilde Truly Said: To Lose One Email Is A Misfortune, But To Lose Five Million Emails Is Cause For A Senate Investigation
The Bush administration claims to have lost emails relating to the firing of eight United States Attorneys, messages which could have shed light on whether or not the firings were politically motivated. Do you buy that? I don’t. I mean, the Department of Justice has emails I sent 15 years ago to an old girlfriend about her toenail fungus!
The emails were sent through Republican National Congress accounts rather than official government accounts. Republicans deny that this was an attempt to avoid accountability, arguing that RNC accounts are used for Party business. And, they have a point: what could be more important to the Republican Party than ensuring that in the midst of elections sympathetic US Attorneys will prosecute their Democratic rivals beyond the fullest extent of the law?
SOURCE: The Day To Day Show, with Jon Tudor
[http://www.comedycentric.com/tv_shows/thedaytodayshowwithjontudor/headlines_pol.jhtml]
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I Don’t Know – Reality Is All Just One Big Jumble
CORRECTION: The answer to yesterday’s Jumble Puzzle was “A bigger netter.” Owing to a typographical error, an incorrect answer appeared in the newspaper. A really offensive incorrect answer. We would like to apologize for the error. And, we would especially like to apologize to our black readers for the error. We’re really sorry.
SOURCE: Toronto Startle
[http://www.thestartle.com/NASApp/cs/ContentServer?pagename=thestartle/Layout/Article_Type1&c=Article&cid=1088591771813&call_pageid=96833278492&col=968626972158]
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Holy Spanking Christmas! What Do You Mean, People Never Actually Said That?
MONDAY: Why don’t people say “Holy spanking Christmas” any more? It was a perfectly good phrase that could express disbelief (“You say they’re gonna put a man on the moon? Well, holy spanking Christmas!”), dismay (“We’re all outta hominy grits? Well, holy spanking Christmas!”) and a wide variety of other emotional states. Holy spanking Christmas, why would such a wonderful phrase go out of use?
TUESDAY: I get it. They don’t hate our freedoms. They hate their servitude.
WEDNESDAY: The latest great idea from Redmond? Internet Explorer now comes with tabs. That means that when I want to move between Web pages in different windows, instead of clicking on a button at the bottom of the screen, I have to click on a button at the top of the screen. This…this is progress.
THURSDAY: Given the trail of dead, no sane politician could oppose serious gun control legislation. Hmm…that explains a lot.
FRIDAY: What kind of person considers John Kenneth Galbraith appropriate bathroom reading?
SATURDAY: Why is it that people who argue that if everybody in the school had a gun, tragedies like the mass killings at Virginia Tech would never happen NEVER argue that if every country had a nuclear weapon, the world would be a safer place?
SUNDAY: When I got home yesterday, the phone number “000-000-0000” appeared on my call display. I couldn’t imagine who would be allowed to use that number. In the end, I figured it must be God’s phone number. Unfortunately, He didn’t leave a message…
SOURCE: Random Thoughts and Blood Clots
[http:suzie.randomthoughts&bloodclots.blogspeck.com]
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Satirists Love A Good Fight…But You Probably Already Figured That One Out
SOURCE: Billy-Bob’s International House O’ Headlines
[http://www.com/lol.pdqfc.wwygw.wyswyg/fid=13765880355]
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United We Strand
Who speaks on behalf of a united Canada?
Oh…
SOURCE: The Quick and the Detwiler
[http://quick&detwiler.blogspot.com/]
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Even People With Advanced Law Degrees Can Just Don’t Get It
Attorney General Alberto Gonzales is set to admit that he made “missteps” in firing eight US Attorneys, saying that he should have ensured that they were treated better. This is like a vampire apologizing to his victim for getting blood on his clothes after the vampire has ripped his throat out. Polite, and yet, somehow, it misses the point.
SOURCE: The Day To Day Show, with Jon Tudor
[http://www.comedycentric.com/tv_shows/thedaytodayshowwithjontudor/headlines_pol.jhtml]
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