The Daily Me – Halechko

Thank you, Halechko, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Gesundheit.

You Mean, There Are Problems In The World That Cannot Be Resolved By Military Force? Who Will Tell General Hillier?

We could perfectly understand why the Conservative government would threaten not to negotiate a new lumber deal if Canadian companies rejected the latest agreement with the United States. It’s their government, and if their policy is to make a gift of beaver testicles to the American government, that is their right.

We can even accept the Conservative government levying its own tax against companies that don’t sign on to the agreement. It’s their government, and if their policy is to make a gift of Canadian corporate heads on a silver platter to the American government, just call them Scheherazade and allow that that is their right, too.

However, sending soldiers to arrest the executives of companies that don’t sign on and calling in airstrikes to burn down their homes and factories is going too far. We need those troops in Afghanistan.

SOURCE: The Financial Riposte

[http://www.canada.com/national/nationalwhippingpost/financialriposte/story.html?id=49ddccd7-f6f3-4f4f-9f25-a2eb4cc6a528]
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Talk About A Blast From The Past!

Drive away
Drive away and hide from the law
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Drive away
Drive, drive and hide from the law

With apologies to Aerosmith, but not especially heartfelt since I never much liked the band anyway

SOURCE: Poetry, Cornered

[http://www.cibc.com/ca/personal/poetrycorner/147.html]
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The Circle Closes…Around Our Soldiers’ Necks

SOURCE: No Comment Quotes

[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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Control? Like A Sub Has Control?

How Iraq is taking control of its military in 8 easy steps:

1. An improvised explosive device goes off, killing four Americans and wounding seven.

2. Iraqi Prime Minister Nuri al-Maliki decides to send 10 troops to investigate.

3. An unnamed American “adviser” standing in the background shakes his head.

4. al-Maliki decides to send 20 troops to investigate.

5. The American “adviser” shakes his head more vigorously.

6. al-Maliki decides to send…100 troops to investigate?

7. The American “adviser” calls in an air strike of the area and sends 100 American troops and 50 Iraqi troops to comb the rubble for surviving terrorists.

8. al-Maliki holds a press conference to announce a successful raid on a terrorist stronghold by the Iraqi military.

SOURCE: Politics for Dummies

[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/home.asp?did=465&dir=bb]
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Weapons Of Mass Delectation

Remember then Secretary of State Colin Powell’s assertion that Saddam Hussein was using portable labs to create chemical and biological weapons? No? Weapons of mass destruction were a major component of the rationale for going to war with Iraq. Now do you remember? Cast your mind back. Go ahead. I’ll wait.

Well, one of these roaming labs has been found! And we have the first picture!

No, I don’t want any MSG in my Kung Pao Anthrax, thanks.

Yes, yes, we know it looks like a Chinese food truck. Clever swine! The truck is disguised! Did you really think Saddam Hussein would paint “Viruses. Get your red hot viruses!” on the side?

SOURCE: The National Whipping Post

[http://www.canada.com/national/nationalwhippingpost/news/story.html?ia=0ec0caida-b3e6-4c18-bf9b-07b617cc48fcc]
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Quibbling Rights on Queen

Oh, my god, I saw Sean Penn at the Toronto International Film Festival! Well, I didn’t actually see Sean Penn – I saw his limo. And, when I say I saw his limo, I actually mean I saw a limo that one of the volunteers standing outside the theatre told me was his.

Wow. I…I saw a limo that some poorly paid volunteer who had been working a long shift and was probably thinking about getting home to bed, told me belonged to Sean Penn. Uhh, wow…

Remember, Festival-goers: it’s not the size of your limo that matters, but how you use it to drive through tunnels.

DOES THIS FILM FESTIVAL ROCK, OR WHAT?

SOURCE: Jennifer’s Brain Blorts

[http://weblogger.brainblorts.home.html]
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The FOGG Of War

At Families Against Goth Growth (FOGG), we have been arguing for years that the growth of the Goth movement was a threat to Canadian children. Given the massacre at Dawson College, the threat now has been revealed. We call upon the Canadian government to immediately enact the following into law:

• confiscate all Cure albums owned by Canadians. Put Robert Smith on a terrorist watch list and arrest him if he tries to enter Canada;

• outlaw the use of kohl by anybody under 18 years of age. Have a minimum penalty of 10 years hard labour for anybody working a cosmetics counter who sells kohl to anybody who is underage;

• rate Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Anne Rice books “R,” restricting them to adults. Have a minimum penalty of 10 years hard labour for anybody working in a video or book store who rents or sells these or other vampire stories to minors;

• work with clothing manufacturers to set maximum lengths of black coats to ensure that they don’t reach the ground, and;

• any other measures we might dream up as we come to better understand how the Goth sub-culture functions to turn our children into heartless mass murderers.

Oh, sure, we may have to curtail a freedom here or there. But, it’s for the children.

SOURCE: Focus Against the Family

[http://www.jackedinonline.com/gothactionalert027/gothactionalert 23/a0002443.cfm]
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