What Have We Here?
The blob first appeared on an otherwise lacklustre day; the sky was clouded over and it looked certain to rain. Little Timmy Baxter was the first to notice it there…
True Life Mindless
"Oh, boy!" I said to myself. "At last, it's mine!" It took me eight months to obtain. I had to put my name on a waiting list and let the…
Conversations Overheard at the Hadassah-WIZO Bazaar
"Oh, wow. Ha ha. Will you look at that?" "What?" "That!" "The old bald guy with the Def Leppard t-shirt?" "No - next to him." "You mean the girl with…
Specious Logic
Being able to follow a logical argument, like being able to use a complete home entertainment system, is one the ways in which man differs from the animals. We know…
An Offer That’s Harder to Refuse
"Alan! Hi - what are you doing here?" "Studying Canada's free trade options. What does it look like?" "Beer, please...well, if you want me to be truthful, it looks like…
Holiday Viewing on a Budget
The holiday season is upon us once again. Of course, this means mandatory attendance at one or more long, boring parties at which you will be force to socialize with…
Who Killed the Economy?
Who killed the economy? "Not I," said Worker Lorker. "I put in a fair day's work, and all I wanted was a decent wage. Sometimes, I had to go on…
Scene 3: Ninety-nine Channels of Junk on the Tube
Curtain up on the bedroom of a Canadian Radio-television and Telecommunications Commission's COMMISSIONER. The Commissioner is sitting at a small table away from his bed, reading one volume of a…
What Is This Thing Called Culture?
What is this thing called culture? Well, there's...No Business Like Show Business hours not to reason "YMCA" galaxy far, far away out of his mind over Matterhorn of Plenty of…
“It’s a Mutt!”
(ITEM: Dr. Cloner's Genetic Engineering Home Cloning Kit was recently put out on the market. The kit includes an electrophoresis apparatus to separate genes, a magnifier to see the genetic…
Night of the Wrong Lines
A Johnny Laframboise Non-mystery Night doesn't fall in this city; it creeps between the street lamps, slowly curls around automobile headlights and moves in on neon billboards. It lazily walks…
A Letter From the President
Dear shareholders, It has been an interesting, often financially rewarding year here at the Occidental Moron Corporation. Thingy production, from which Occidental Moron (or, as we like to call it,…