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Adult Children Say The Darndest Things!
INT. TREEHOUSE – DAY
The timber is rotting and a couple of planks from the walls are missing. Several seven year-old children are confronting a serious, frosted blond girl.
MATTIE: We don’t like you any more, Lizbeth Cheney! You’re a poopie-head!
LIZBETH: Why? Because I told the truth that Joey is the real President of the student body?
MATTIE: Don’t say that! Don’t say that! Don’t say that! It hurts my brain!
KEV: I’m sorry, Lizbeth, but if that’s the way you’re going to be, you can’t be in our club any more.
LIZBETH: You can’t kick me out!
KEV: That’s what you think!
LIZBETH: I’m the only only person in leadership who’s a girl.
MATTIE: Oooh! A girrrrrl! My brain! My brain! Girls hurt my brain!
LIZBETH: (ignores him) If you kick me out of the club, no girl will vote for you to be in the next student council!
Elise enters the treehouse.
ELISE: (grinning) Not necessarily…
LIZBETH: You? Really? When Donnie was student council President, I voted with him to lower council fees for all students. You voted against it!
ELISE: That was before I realized how dreamy Donnie was. Now, I would do anything for him!
LIZBETH: Kevin McAlister Monroe Doctrine McCarthy! Are you seriously saying that you intend to replace me, somebody with impeccable conservative credentials, in student council leadership for this…this poseur? You know the moment she sees an advantage to palling around with Nancy, she’ll drop you like a bowling ball out of this treehouse!
KEV: Well, now, Liz, you know I have great respect for you and all you have –
LIZBETH: (dark) You’re gonna regret this… (stalks out)
Awkward pause.
MARGIE: (shouting) Who wants to do some blow?
Everybody cheers and crowds around Margie.
ANNOUNCER: Tune in again next week for another episode of Li’l ‘Publicans.
SOURCE: Weekends!
[http://www.nobc.com/Weekends/video/play.shtml?mea=227709]
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We Could Rotate Them Daily If We Had Enough Staff…
These are a small sampling of the wonders to be found in the Donald J. Trump Memorial Library:
- Kevin McCarthy’s spine. All 33 of McCarthy’s vertebra have been preserved in formaldehyde on the off chance that he might need them one day. Text accompanying the exhibit explains that the aspiring Speaker of the House’s spine was replaced by a hollow space large enough for a puppeteer’s arm and hand to manipulate his every movement.
- Mitch McConnell’s soul. It is in a small wooden box with mystical runes carved into its sides that nobody has ever been able to decipher. According to the accompanying text: “It is said that if you watch the box very carefully, you can see it ever so slowly warping because of its contents. Nobody knows why. Nobody wants to know why.”
- The Hall of Heads. A holographic display of the heads of everybody who had crossed President Trump, causing him to bellow to have their heads brought to him on a platter. Owing to the large number of potential candidates to be in the HoH and the limitations fundraising placed on the size of the library, only a small fraction of heads in the exhibition are on display at any given time. They are rotated weekly.
SOURCE: The Smoking Gut
[http://www.thesmokinggut.com/archive/108096382861023470563-7946374864826327230173072840-473418378150637420952-3794147940736139500-0389cahs01.html]
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I Wonder How CEOs Like It When The Shoe Is On The Other Tentacle
It has long been a dearly held belief on the right that bailing out corporations with government funds makes them lazy. In the 1980s, Ronald Reagan decried the “bailout queens” that took money from the government and spent it on executive jets and annual golf club memberships instead of investing it in physical plant and staff that would have made them more productive.
It should come as no surprise that, despite the fact that there has been scant evidence that corporate bailouts act as a disincentive for companies to innovate and increase their productive capacity, the spectre of the bailout queen has been resurrected in Washington, where the Biden administration’s COVID relief bill contains billions of dollars in spending to keep businesses afloat. This is a pernicious canard that threatens desperate, vulnerable corporations at a time when they need our help the most.
SOURCE: Wall Street Infernal
[http://online.wsi.com/article/0,,SB113413397491118404,00.html?mod=home_whats_new_which_u]
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Like…Victory…
“How do you want your wedding to smell?”
– Toronto Star
SOURCE: Billy-Bob’s International House O’ Headlines
[http://www.com/lol.pdqfc.wwygw.wyswyg/fid=2377533055]
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Don’t You Just Hate People Who Pause Plotting The Next Insurrection To Cash Their COVID Relief Checks?
“Do I contradict myself? Very well then, I contradict myself. I am large. I contain multitudes of deplorables.” (Walt Whitman, updated for the modern context)
On the right, we have House Minority Leader Kevin “Always a Speakersmaid, Never a Speaker” McCarthy explaining why no Republican can in good conscience vote for the Democrats’ COVID relief bill. On the left is Republican Representative Alex “Man on the” Mooney explaining why his office directed constituents to take money from the COVID relief bill even though he heeded McCarthy’s call to vote against it.
To be clear, these men are not actually opposed on this issue (the fact that they seem to be eyeballing each other with suspicion is a trick of the Photoshop). They are, rather, standing in for the two sides of a problem that is rending every Republican elected official’s soul.
So-called.
You might think that voters would catch on to politicians who take credit for the benefits of a bill they voted against. Sure. And you might think that chewing gum is a good material to use to patch a crack in a nuclear containment facility. You clearly haven’t spent much time in the basket of deplorables. To save your soul (such as it may be), allow me to set you straight: they wouldn’t be living in trailer parks in the basket if they could.
SOURCE: Karl’s Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism
[http://www.bigred.commie/articles/218^.htm]
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Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Woof!
[TRANSLATION: Flowers Are Welcome To Be Eaten At The Funeral]
Woof woof arf Bo Obama woof bark bark bark cancer. Awoooooo! Woooooooo wooooo woooo! Woof woof arf arf arf Barack, Michelle, Sasha, Malia arf Sunny.
SOURCE: Obits ‘R Us
[http://www.king.ids.net/~bdlm/obits_r_us.html]
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