Thank you, Varza V. Varza, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, the state of Israel illegally forced Palestinians off their land, replacing them with Jewish settlers. Again. Hamas retaliated by sending rockets into Israel from Gaza. Again. Israel retaliated for the rocket attack by sending its own rockets into Gaza. Again. The death and destruction in Gaza was over 10 times worse than it was in Israel. Again. The international community condemned Israel’s annexation of land it had no right to and disproportionate response to Palestinian’s illegal (if largely ineffective) attack on it, but was stopped from taking any meaningful action at the United Nations by the United States. Again. When a fragile ceasefire was entered, both sides claimed victory, although the only winners were right wing extremists on both sides. Again.
It’s good to know that “Never again” ain’t nothing but a slogan on a t-shirt being sold from a stall in Jerusalem.
Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff
Of Course, Being Canadian, Three Year-olds Will Apologize For Throwing Mashed Cauliflower Au Gratin In Your Face
The Conservative Party of Canada has hired a consultant who advises that to get the attention of the public and win elections, politicians need the social media strategy of a three year-old having a temper tantrum.
“You have to scream and shout and say terrible things,” Ben Guerin, who has advised politicians in Australia and New Zealand, said in in a 2019 speech. “You may have adult filters. Burn those suckers to ashes and burn the ashes and throw them in people’s faces and share the video on InstaTube. And like any self-disrespecting three year-old, keep repeating the same simple message over and over and over and over and over again. Then, say it a few times more. A stunned audience is a receptive audience.”
Wouldn’t such an approach turn off more potential voters than it would attract? “Not necessarily,” Guerin responded. “For one thing, people forgive three year-olds because they are too young to know any better. For another thing, many people forgive three year-olds because the children say what grown-ups are too cowed by social convention and restrictive ideas of what it means to be an adult to say themselves. To you, those people may seem immature; to us, they’re a target demographic!”
SOURCE: Canadian Depress
[http://www.cd.org/english/notforyou.htm]
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It’s Truly News You Can Abuse
Katy Perry was forced to defend her leg hair during a recent episode of American Idol when fellow judge Luke Bryan announced that he wasn’t a fan. Yes, you read that right.
Clearly, COVID has been cured, global warming has been solved and peace has come to the Middle East. I, for one, couldn’t be happier.
SOURCE: Entertainment Right Now
[http://www.entertainmentrightnow.com/mini/smug2021/2021/05/23/frommiddleeasttomiddleearth/]
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Not To Worry: Police Can Still Stop – Ahem – People Of Colour At Will
Why Quit When You’ve Got A Good Thing Going?
The Ontario government proposed expanding police powers to stop and interrogate people for perceived COVID-19 lockdown infractions. The measure was stopped by the Rosedale Rebellion, in which wealthy people across the province signed a petition arguing that the measure was arbitrary, capricious and an imposition on their right to do whatever they wanted whenever they wanted to do it.
“Signing a petition is so…common,” sighed Leticia Morass, the 87 year-old heiress to the Morass, Less Grass construction fortune. “Still, I didn’t want to be stopped on the street like a common criminal. That’s not what my great-great-great-great-grandfather Cornelius Antonio Suez de la Morasse came to this country for!” Looking around to see if anybody was listening, Morass lowered her voice and added: “When I say ‘common criminal,’ you understand I mean ‘coloured person,’ right? These days, one can’t be too clear about what one is saying!”
The Ontario government rescinded the proposed policy within hours.
SOURCE: Toronto Startle
[http://www.thestartle.com/NASApp/cs/ContentServer?pagename=thestartle/Layout/Article_Type1&c=Article&cid=2088591831813&call
_pageid=868335278492&col=868666972154]
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Conservatives Really Know How To Put The Die Back In Dialectic
THESIS: “I won’t wear a mask. The government can’t tell me what I can and cannot do with my own body!”
ANTITHESIS: “The Supreme Court should gut Roe v Wade. The government absolutely can and should tell women that they are not allowed to do what they want with their own bodies!”
SYNTHESIS: Liberal heads exploding.
SOURCE: Politics For Dummies
[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/home.asp?did=1011&dir=bb]
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Business Comes To The Fore
Golf enthusiasts are arguing that courses in Ontario need to be opened up to help spur a post-COVID economic recovery.
“Everybody knows that the most important corporate deals are made on the golf course,” explained Ontario Chamber of Business President Orlando “Moonbat” Smithsonian. “Every day the province’s golf courses are closed, the economy loses tens of millions of dollars. Premier Ford, you must end the financial carnage on our greens!”
SOURCE: The Schwartz Sports Report
[http://www.schwartzsportsreport.com/ssr-news.shtml.htm#50038132745]
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Florida Man…You Know, I Don’t Have To Say Anything Else For You To Be Interested, So I Think I’ll Save My Creativity For Another Headline
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis has announced that he will be pardoning a pair of gym owners who were arrested for violating Broward County’s mask mandate at their establishment.
“In this state,” Governor DeSantis explained, “we treat people like adults. If they want to catch a deadly disease and die a painful and lonely death, that is their God-given right.
Other Floridians, including gym-goers, beach bums and skeleton fetishists wondered when they would be allowed to exercise their God-given right to catch a deadly disease and die a painful and lonely death. Governor DeSantis went on to state that he would pardon anybody who was arrested for violating Broward County’s mask mandate, so everybody who lives there should go out and have a miserable time.
SOURCE: USA Whenever
[http://www.usawhenever.com/news/national/2021-05-21-death-suits-him_x.htm]
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People Who Refuse To Believe In Climate Change Are Really Warming To The Idea…
An iceberg roughly 73 times the size of Manhattan or three quarters the size of Prince Edward Island that broke off Antarctica could drift for several years before it breaks up and melts away. Why did this happen?
“I was bored,” the iceberg, which would like to be known as Paola Fishbein, explained. “I mean, what is there in the Antarctic to see? Bears. Seals. The occasional Netflix stand up comedy special. But even Netflix gets old eventually. I wanted to get out and see the world!”
But, what about the eventual breaking up and melting away? “It’s the cycle of hydration,” Paola Fishbein reverently intoned.
SOURCE: Earth Worst! Journal
[http://www.earthworstjournal.org/article.php?id=536]
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