Thank you, Andrzej Przyjazny, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Przyjazny… Przyjazny…why does that name sound so fa – ah! Are you related to the Mississauga Przyjaznys? We used to summer with them in the Bramptons. Good times. Until Mrs. Przyjazny poisoned her husband and the 11 children. On second thought, maybe it would be for the best if you weren’t related to them. In fact, we never knew them…
Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff
From The Subprime To The Ridiculous
Why does the economy seem a little less…economicable than it did yesterday? The roots of the problem can be traced back to behind-the-scenes lending institution activity that started two or three years ago.
LENDER: I’d like to lend you money for a mortgage.
CUSTOMER: I don’t have any collateral.
LENDER: No problem.
CUSTOMER: I don’t have a job.
LENDER: We can work around that.
CUSTOMER: I don’t have an income.
LENDER: That’s old economic thinking!
CUSTOMER: I…I live on the street.
LENDER: All the more reason to get you into a house as soon as possible!
CUSTOMER: I already owe my drug dealer a thousand bucks. His name is Monkey Man. He’s getting really pushy about getting his money back.
LENDER: *SIGH* Always thinking about yourself. Are you capable of seeing the big picture? I mean, do you want to help the economy grow or not?
SOURCE: Economics for Dummies
[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/entertainmentfordummies/economicsfordummieshome.asp?did=473&dir=bb]
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Virginia Is For Lovers…Of Irony
The main image in a campaign for Virginia tourism, two thumbs and index fingers making the shape of a heart, is a symbol associated with the Gangster Disciples, an African-American gang from the south side of Chicago. Kind of puts the green Ontario licence plate issue in a new light, doesn’t it?
SOURCE: aye Weakly
[http://www.aye.net/]
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Jesus Managed With Just A Mountain, But I Will Allow That Those Were Simpler Times
“The gospels are free, but the means of delivering the gospels is really expensive.”
– Pastor Benny Hinn
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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The Hillier Has Ayes
Rick’s Picks
Peter MacKay as Defense Minister? I can totally get behind that. By his subservience to Stephen Harper when Harper won the leadership of the Conservative Party, MacKay has shown that he knows how to swallow his pride and do what he is told. As far as I’m concerned, that’s a key to success in this portfolio.
I’m undecided about Maxime Bernier in Foreign Affairs. He has been a scrappy fighter in the past. But, when opposition sniping gets intense, will he be able to stand up and return fire, or will he turn tail and run for cover under the Prime Minister? Only time will tell.
Gordon O’Connor as Revenue Minister? Oh, lord, the country is about to go bankrupt! I’m converting all of my liquid assets into Tasmanian dollars!
BONUS PICK: Christian Paradis who?
SOURCE: CanWest Blowhole
[http://www.canada.com/blowholetv.html]
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Be Thankful They Use “Magic Topping” Instead Of Butter
MONDAY: Times change. I was at a party the other night and met a 15 year-old Vegan who planned on holding a protest against animal testing. And, I thought, shit, when I was 15, my biggest problem was choosing the reason for my first nervous breakdown.
TUESDAY: A recent study on foodpsychology.com showed that moviegoers would eat more stale, 14 day-old popcorn if it was in a large, rather than a medium, container. Oh, great! Now theatres have another excuse to give us stale, 14 day-old popcorn!
WEDNESDAY: One of the toys made in China that Mattel is recalling is the Barbie-Tanner play set. I was going to go off on a rant about how tanning is unhealthy and we shouldn’t be encouraging our children to do it when a friend pointed out that Tanner is actually the name of Barbie’s dog. Boy, do I feel silly. Not as silly as Mattel, of course, but still.
THURSDAY: On those days when nobody writes me, my spam to personal email ratio is infinity. When I think things like this, Haagen Dazs is no help.
FRIDAY: My boyfriend brought a stripper pole to our apartment yesterday. He tried to convince me that it was from the Bada Bing Club – you know, from The Sopranos – and that he had bought on eBay. He says it was from the real club where they shot the show, but when I asked him to show me any authentication documents, he looked at me like I was the one who was nuts. He’s either really transparent, or I will never in a million years understand him.
SATURDAY: I’m not sure what disturbs me most about the Cats Who Look Like Hitler Web site: the fact that I’ll never again be able to call anybody who disagrees with me Hitler without smiling, or that there are people in the world who are actually proud of the fact that their cat looks like a demonic dictator.
SUNDAY: More proof that the universe wasn’t created by intelligent design #237: you can’t blow your nose in the shower.
SOURCE: Random Thoughts and Blood Clots
[http:suzie.randomthoughts&bloodclots.blogspeck.com]
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Overdosing On Your Prescription Painkillers Is One Way, And I Find That Sucking Back Ether Can Really Help…
“How to laugh in the face of market danger”
– Globe and Mail headline
SOURCE: Billy-Bob’s International House O’ Headlines
[http://www.com/lol.pdqfc.wwygw.wyswyg/fid=1539533228]
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Who’s Afraid Of The Big Bad Security And Prosperity Partnership?
Guest+1) Business pundits are claiming that the Montebello summit to discuss the Security and Prosperity Partnership will not result in any important decisions. How scared should we be?
a) soil our undergarments scared
b) soil all of our friends’ undergarments scared
c) invest in companies making adult diapers because there will be a widespread soiling of undergarments scared
Guest+2) If, as the business pundits claim, the Montebello summit to discuss the Security and Prosperity Partnership will not result in any important decisions, why are so many businesspeople trying to go there to talk to the leaders of Canada, the United States and Mexico?
a) hey! Any excuse to party!
b) to see if journalists are gullible enough to believe the business pundits, because if you don’t test them every once in a while, they may start paying attention
c) just to drive fair trade activists crazy
SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles
[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
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