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Enjoy,Headline Writing Goes To Hell
SOURCE: Billy-Bob’s International House O’ Headlines
Hear That Crackling? It’s The Sound Of Another Illusion Being Destroyed
As part of his response to the immigration issue, President Bush recommended that the United States start a “guest worker” programme. And, here, I thought we had long ago abolished slavery.
SOURCE: The Quick and the Detwiler
Bring Your Binoculars To Board Meetings
The Yellow-bellied Radio Executive (aviansus ridiculum). Lives mostly in boardrooms and CRTC hearings, although it has been spotted at chichi cocktail parties. Its distinctive mating call, “Lower CanCon rules! Lower CanCon rules!”, can be heard above the din of the much more populous Red-faced Cultural Worker (canadensest suckeranium). The Yellow-bellied Radio Executive feeds off the cultural scraps of related foreign, especially American, species.
SOURCE: Capital Critters
It Isn’t Real Until The American President Consensusizes
Environment Minister Rona Ambrose claimed that she had spoken to Prime Minister Stephen Harper, who told her that “if an international consensus emerges, which is what all of us are fighting for right now at the table, Canada will take on new commitments” to protect the environment. Now, you might think that 163 countries signing the Kyoto Accord would constitute an “international consensus” – that’s why Ambrose is Environment Minister and you’re not.
SOURCE: Festerin’ Report
Hummer Bummer
The H1 – the original Humvee – is being discontinued. How do owners of these monstrosities on four wheels feel about this?
SOURCE: Glob and Maul
Arch Support The Troops
Facing a serious recruiting shortfall, the American army has decided to make some changes in the way it handles recruits. For instance, it has updated its old marching drill song:
I don’t know, but I been toldNot bad – only 40 or so years late. Here’s an idea: how about changing the motto “An Army of One” to Green Day’s “I Walk Alone?” Not only would that interest today’s generation of young people, but, given the way the government has cut back on funds for veterans, it would let them know what to expect after they have served.
SOURCE: Cleveland Wheeler Dealer
When Does A Government For Life Hold Mid-term Elections?
Iraq finally has a government! Yay! It’s been only…five…months since the country had an election, but, you know, Shiite happens. Can you imagine what things would have been like if the United States had had to wait five months for our government to take office? Okay, okay, get that stupid grin off your face – things probably wouldn’t have been that good!
After a two hour delay – apparently, there was some debate about the distribution of American MREs to the Parliamentarians – oooh, tasty MREs! – Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki swore that he would restore peace and social order…to Baghdad. Baghdad! Again, that’s like the President saying he would concentrate on helping the central states and leave states like New York and California to fend for themselves.
Oh.
SOURCE: The Day To Day Show, with Jon Tudor
I’m Ready To Jump Out Of My 40th Floor Window Out Of Sheer Giddy Happiness
SOURCE: Billy-Bob’s International House O’ Headlines
Remember: There’s No “L” In Awful…No, Wait…
According to General Michael Hayden, President Bush’s nominee for the post of CIA head and former head of the NSA (whose classified motto is: “You got a complaint, we’re happy to listen”), “the White House Counsel, the Attorney-General, the Department of Justice’s lawyers and my own lawyers at the NSA ruled this to be a lawful use of the President’s authority.” Okay, so, we’re supposed to be comforted by the fact that the wiretapping of American phone conversations without warrant has been approved by a bunch of lawyers?
I’m moving to the bottom of the ocean. At least the sharks there don’t pretend they’re protecting your security when they gobble you up.
SOURCE: The Day To Day Show, with Jon Tudor
Politics Is About Tough Choices
infinity + Seinfeld) Who is the most “vicious,” buffoonish,” “irresponsible” and damaging to Canadian politics?
SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles
