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Enjoy,Feeding The Thirst For Spiritual Meaning With Moral Quicksand
Apparently, many people are now getting their beliefs about Christianity from Dan Brown’s fictional opus The Da Vinci Code. Why? It’s not as if there aren’t enough Bibles in the world. Don’t these people travel? Or, do they only stay in Satanic hotels that don’t keep Bibles in their bedside tables?
If nothing else, the popularity of The Da Vinci Code proves that Americans love a good conspiracy theory. But, with over 50 million copies sold, isn’t the central thesis of the book, that Jesus had a child with Mary Magdalene, starting a secret bloodline that lives to this day, becoming somewhat mainstream? What would happen if that became Christian orthodoxy? Would some Christians be persecuted for believing Jesus died on the cross for all of our sins?
Ah, memories.
SOURCE: Unicycle
Meet The New Acronym, Same As The Old Acronym
The Bush administration is considering abolishing the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) and replacing it with a new addition to the Department of Homeland Defence called the National Preparedness and Response Authority (NPRA). This is just wrong.
In the first place, the vowel comes at the end of NPRA, making it difficult to pronounce. Nnnnnpra – it doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue. Go ahead. Try it. See. Some people might be tempted to pronounce the acronym as though there was a vowel at the beginning (ie: iNPRA), or pronounce the first letter as a letter rather than the letter’s phoneme (ie: eNPRA). Awkward. If you’re going to have only one vowel in a four letter acronym, for heaven’s sake put it in the middle! The organization could be called PRAN (Preparedness and Response Authority, National), offering the image of an unprepossessing seafood delicacy.
In the second place, why are you limiting yourself to one vowel in the first place? If nothing else, FEMA had it right when the organization chose an acronym with two vowels. Why not NERA, the National Emergency Response Authority? Okay, it would share a word with the old agency’s name, which, I suppose, defeats the purpose of the whole rebranding exercise in the first place. That’s not the point. Find a synonym for “Emergency” that begins with a vowel, and you’re good to go.
What is this new agency going to do? Who knows? Who cares? If the Bush administration’s record on public safety is anything to go by, it certainly doesn’t. What I’m saying is, if you’re going to go to the trouble of covering over the poor performance of a government agency by giving it a new name, give it a name that people will remember!
SOURCE: Cleveland Wheeler Dealer
Why Do I Get The Feeling That Apology Was Less Than Sincere?
1:00am. Fox. Sale of the Century. O. J. Simpson flogs his new line of easy to wash steak knives.
2:00am. Fox. Apology of the Century. Fox executives apologize for the tastelessness of the previous programme, but they were offered a really, really huge sum of money to air it, and it did handily win its time slot.
SOURCE: Ukrainian TV Guide
Maybe If Bush Gave Americans Free Cars…
The President took an hour of Prime Time during Sweeps Week to announce a new policy on border security (“We’re gonna send 6,000 troops to keep out Mexican illegals…but we’re not being racialistical.”), preempting Oprah Winfrey’s Legends Ball and playing havoc with the scheduling of the season finales of Prison Break and Grey’s Anatomy. Not surprisingly, the President’s ratings dropped five additional points.
Even President Bush should know better than to mess with Oprah.
In other news, Hollywood studios are resisting a regulatory proposal calling for disclosure of their stars’ salaries. And, rightly so. If shareholders find out how much money is due to stars, the stars may also find out, and the whole system could collapse.
SOURCE: Entertainment Right Now
Intelligence Was Better When It Was Run By Your Crotchety Old Uncle
BUZZKILL: So, you’re not impressed by the fact that the NSA was handed telephone records by the phone companies?
AGENT X: Hell, no! In my day, you wanted telephone records, you had to sweet talk a secretary in the phone company out of them! Or, hack into the telephone company’s mainframe and get the information your own damn self! Now, the telephone companies just hand it over. Don’t they got no self-respect?
And, data mining! Don’t talk to me about data mining! In my day, you had to listen to your own damn wiretaps to get any information out of ‘em! Now, you got your fancy computers that can pick keywords out of kajillions of streams of information – where is the skill in that? Where is the craft? Where is the [EXPLETIVE DELETED] romance!
SOURCE: BuzzKill
And, Isn’t That Just The Kind Of Entrepreneurial Spirit The US Claims To Want?
Don’t think of them as illegal aliens. Think of them as immigrants who think outside of the box.
SOURCE: Late Tonight with David Lenoman
I Prefer Being Ikean To Being Manichean
A recent article suggested that the fact that Republicans were now having more children than Democrats would actually lead to more Democrats, given that children usually adopt politics that are opposite to their parents. If that is the case, however, then it’s only a matter of time before the children of the Democratic majority turn on them and become Republicans.
So, laugh while you can, Democrats, because the wheel will turn and once again…once again Republicans will rule…but, if we take this to its logical conclusion, the following generation Democrats will rule once again. Then, Republicans. Then…
Man, we need a third party!
SOURCE: The Postington Wash