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Enjoy,Thanks For Clearing That Up…
Given their current leadership, I don’t think the Democrats deserve to win in the upcoming mid-term elections. It’s just that I think the Republicans deserve to win even less…
SOURCE: The Day To Day Show, with Jon Tudor
Are You So Sure The World Isn’t Right, And You Really Need Ways To Make Sure You Understand Yourselves Better?
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
Soooo…Are You Saying Men Are Full Of Shit?
It is well known by stand up comedians and proctologists that men spend more time on the toilet than women. What is perhaps less well known is that fundamental differences in the digestive systems of men and women are primarily responsible for the difference in their bathroom habits, making it harder for men to excrete feces than women. This has a tremendous effect on the psychology of men: to compensate for their embarrassingly perceived lack of control of this critical bodily function, they need to assert control over all other aspects of their lives. Thus, we shall prove that it is difficulty in the process of elimination that leads to such diverse masculine behaviours as gun fetishes, the World Trade Organization and the popularity of Tom Cruise movies.
SOURCE: Social Science in the Abstract
The Closest Thing To An Apology You’re Going To Get Outside Of A Hallmark Card
An article last week about a fictitious television show called Survivor: Darfur sparked a lot of criticism. Apparently, some readers believe that genocide is not an appropriate topic for satire, especially while it is ongoing. Fair enough. I promise in future only to make fun of horrible events long after anybody can do anything about them.
SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles
And I’m Offering Full Disclosure…Of Jim Carrey’s Creative Bankruptcy
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
Stop Me If You’ve Heard This O – Ha Ha, Very Fun – At Least Let Me Get The Headline Out!
A pair of turkey vultures are now roosting on the parapet of a glass-fronted tower at Bloor and Sherbourne in downtown Toronto. They immediately started charging $1,000 an hour to consult with the lawyers inside the building.
SOURCE: Toronto High Life
Surrender All Prints Of Dorothy!
Victor Fleming has finally relented!
In the DVD versions of The Wizard of Oz, released in 1997, director Fleming digitally reworked the scene where Dorothy first arrives in Oz to make it appear as though the Wicked Witch of the East fired a magical thunderbolt at the house that crushed her. “If you thought the house landed on an innocent witch minding her own business,” Fleming explained, “you wouldn’t have as much sympathy for Dorothy.”
Fans of the original release version of the film used all of the resources at their disposal – from Web sites and email campaigns to an unrelenting, all-consuming geekiness – to get Fleming to change his mind. The recent announcement that Fleming would release the original version of the film on DVD was hailed as a victory for all movie enthusiasts.
“We get to shell out another 80 bucks for a movie we’ve already seen 100 times!” exulted OzHead237 on the OzFirsters Blog. “We won! We won. We…won?”
SOURCE: Imaginary Movie Database
Couldn’t They Find A Canadian Anti-abortion Nutjob? Where Is Their National Pride?
Angela Lanfranchi, a breast cancer surgeon from New Jersey and anti-abortion activist, appeared at a news conference with Liberal MP Paul Steckle and Conservative MP Maurice Vellacott. They weren’t there to exchange recipes. The trio announced a link between abortions and increased risk of breast cancer.
“The connection has been thoroughly debunked by American scientists,” Lanfranchi admitted, “but, hey, this is a different country, so maybe you haven’t heard yet. Do you have cable?”
SOURCE: Glob and Maul
God Is Not Available To Take Your Prayer…May I Help You?
Conservative MP Maurice Vellacott resigned as chair of the Commons aboriginal affairs committee. Vellacott had come under fire for saying, “I don't think it is the role of the judge, whether left or right or conservative or whatever stripe [he] happens to be, to actually figure to play the position of God.”
Of course not. That’s the role of anti-abortion MPs.
His replacement, Conservative MP Colin Mayes, wrote an opinion column in a local newspaper suggesting reporters should be jailed for writing misleading stories. Obviously, Mayes is a reactionary nincompoop who should…should…ummm…be congratulated on his…forthrightness and…clarity of vision. Yeah. That’s it. Congratulations on your clarity of vision.
SOURCE: aye Weakly
America’s New Strategy In The War On Terrorism: Shock and Aww Shucks
A previously unreleased video of Al Qaeda leader Abu Musab al-Zarqawi shows that when his automatic rifle jammed, he didn’t know how to fix it. Representatives of the American government claim that this video is an embarrassment to the terrorist leader because it suggests that he is an incompetent soldier.
The tactic appears to be working. Unconfirmed reports from Afghanistan suggest that al-Zarqawi has stopped answering his cellphone, and that he has decided not to attend to the annual Terrorists Black and White Ball, held each year at an undisclosed location. Those close to him say al-Zarqawi is “irritable” and becoming “less fun than a festering boil on the backside of a camel.”
Given the apparent success of the tactic, Pentagon officials are at a loss to explain why people continue to die in great numbers in Afghanistan and Iraq.
SOURCE: The Postington Wash