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Enjoy,History: No Longer History
A group of American historians, political scientists and former journalists has brought a class action lawsuit against Francis Fukayama for academic malpractice. It seems they actually believed Fukayama’s thesis, expounded on at length in his book The End of History, that democracy and free markets had triumphed over all other socio-political systems, and all that was left was to mop up all those broken socialist dreams. They got a rude awakening when history hit them upside the head on 9/11.
“Why’re youse guys pickin’ on me?” Fukuyama asked. “You wanna go after somebody whose ideas are poisonin’ da intellectual atmosphere? How about dat Huntington git and his whole clash o’ civilizations bull?”
SOURCE: The Postington Wash
Oh, If Only!
The replacement of Chief of Staff Andrew Card by Josh Bolten is widely seen by Beltway insiders (who are not, by the way, people who live inside the President’s pants, even though it may sometimes seem that way) as a way to prop up the President’s sagging popularity. Most believe, though, that it isn’t enough, and that more people will have to be replaced.
But, who? If you get rid of somebody who knows where the bodies are buried, you risk even more embarrassing revelations. So, Karl Rove is definitely safe. Vice President Dick Cheney is definitely safe. Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld is very safe. When you think of it, the only person in the Bush administration who doesn’t seem to know where the bodies are buried is the President himself.
SOURCE: Cleveland Wheeler Dealer
Have You Adjusted That Puppy For Daylight Savings Time?
The Rapture Clock had a good week. Not only are deaths mounting in Iraq, which either is in a civil war, is inching towards a civil war, or will soon be approaching a civil war, depending upon who you talk to, but Iran continues to insist upon its right to develop nuclear weapons for civilian use. Right. Civilian use. Even if Iran is being honest about its nuclear intentions, it’s not like anybody wants them to have the capability anyway. With any luck, this could set the whole Middle East ablaze!
The election of a moderate government in Israel was a disappointing setback, albeit a minor one, pushing the clock back three and three tenths of a second. However, the Kadima party barely won a quarter of the seats in the Israeli Knesset, and Endtimers are banking on parliamentary gridlock to forestall any serious possibility of a negotiated peace in between Israelis and Palestinians.
TIME: 27 seconds to Armageddon.
SOURCE: The Rapture Clock
This Headline Contains No Information
The Accountability Act is to be the Conservative government’s first bill to be introduced before the House of Commons. Likely. Probably. Maybe. Since the government doesn’t speak to reporters any more, it’s kind of hard to tell…
On the other hand, it seems likely that the Stephen Harper government has dropped plans to decriminalize marijuana for personal use. How do we know? We can’t be entirely certain, but we did see police beating up cancer patients who used medical marijuana – a serious clue.
SOURCE: Glob and Maul
Next Purchase: Thomas The Tank Engine
It was reported this week that the largest shareholder in Canadian National Railways is Microsoft billionaire Bill Gates. Losing another national icon to the Americans seems like a steep price to pay because somebody’s mother wouldn’t let him play with a toy train set when he was a kid.
SOURCE: aye Weakly
How Many Boots Under The Ground Are Enough?
George W. Bush recently stated that American troops would not leave Iraq while he was President. This was probably the first verifiably true thing he has said about Iraq since he took office.
SOURCE: The Day To Day Show, with Jon Tudor
Hollywood Goes Postmodern
With the release of Snakes on a Plane, mainstream filmmakers have realized that the actual making of films is no longer economically or artistically viable. In a real sense, the concept is the movie, so why bother committing scarce resources to such things as cast, crew and production?
Already on the major studios’ release schedules are such titles as Die Hard on Water Skis, Romantic Comedy With Midget and Horny Teenager: The Movie. But, will audiences be willing to pay $10 or more for movie concepts without actual movies?
“Are you kidding me?” commented Hollywood uber-agent Danny Vanilla. “The concept has been the best part of our movies for years! People will be happy to pay to get the concept and not have to waste two hours of their lives they’ll never get back. Everybody wins. Hey! That’s not bad!”
Expect Everybody Wins to appear in theatres in the fall of 2008.
SOURCE: Entertainment Right Now
If You Have To Ask…
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
Your Poor People, You Sillies!
During a break at their recent economic summit, Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper, American President George W. Bush and Mexican President Vicente Fox climbed the steps of Chichen Itza, a temple that was once used for human sacrifice. They got roughly halfway up the steps when they decided to come back down because they couldn’t agree on which of them to sacrifice.
SOURCE: Toronto Stunned